Jun 25, 2004 23:55
I've been getting all sorts of wierd dreams again, and I conned my mother into getting me a notebook so that I could write them down. I figure this one might be interesting to read for my therapist, considering I gave her the link to this. This dream might have something to do with what's happened today, but that raises another question, considering the dream was last night... *shrugs* I'm still trying to figure some parts of it out.
(I'm putting the dream in a way that you could pretty much see what I was seeing...)
You're driving down a freeway at 2:30am, just getting out from a really long party, (so you're probably a little messed up), noone else is on the road but you and your driving buddy (the person sitting in the passenger side seat), so you're driving pretty fast to get home so you don't fall asleep at the wheel or something.
You hit a puddle of water in the road left there from the rain earlier that night, and you hydroplane, crashing into the ditch that seperates the two parts of the road (the little grassy area that divides the "going to" and the "coming from"). You apparently hit your head and got knocked out, because when you open your eyes, your head's against the window, and you have a throbbing headache.
A blinding light os shining directly at you, casting no shadow and no portion of the light anywhere else... it's like -you- are glowing. You of course, don't notice that tiny detail, and figure, 'Oh great, cops'... So, you roll down your window and shield your eyes from the light (your hand overs your eyes makes no difference though).
All of a sudden, something shoots in through the window and wraps around you, pulling you out, and, well, knocking your head against the window frame, making you pas out, again.
You wake up, but this time, you can't see shit. However, you can hear angry voices; a man and woman, sounding strangely enough like your parents. Why is it so strange to hear your parents arguing? You left them years ago* to be on your own.
You get up from the bed you were laying on, and start feeling around for a light. You find one eventually, and flick it on, letting your eyes adjust to the light before you look around. You see your room, and all of your belongings, but now your rooms all nice and neat, and there're dozens of pictures hanging all over your walls.
Two of the pictures are smeared to the point where they are unrecognizable, a few of them include yourself and your parents, but apparently someone was cut out, because there's a missing piece to them. The rest are of either just your, or of just your parents.
You pick up one of the pictures on your desk, and head to the door, opening it and stepping outside. You head for the direction of the arguing and stop until you come to the room the voices are coming from.
You can't make out anything they're saying, but you can tell by the tone that they're hurt physically, and probably emotionally. Figuring you'd ask them later**, you head back to your room, and crawl back into your bed, putting the picture down near you, but not bothering to turn off the light.
You stare into the light for a short time before closing your eyes. You had only closed them for a moment, and when you open them again, you're laying on the grass with quite a few smiling faces, and open arms... you don't remember any of these people, but you do know they're eyes are full of anger and sadness.
*In the dream, I was like, in my late twenties, and I had left them when I was somewhere around 18 or 19...
**Also, at this point, in the dream, I had just guessed that I had woken up from a dream, and I was still around 16 or so.
Thinking back on the dream, I think that the driving buddy was my half-sister... which would also explain the smudged and cutout pictures, maybe even the angry voices. But, i'm really not certain about any of it. *shrugs* If Nicole wasn't in so much torment over Sean, i'd probably email her about it, but, she's handling his death far worse than I am capable of right now. The only thing I can bring myself to tears about is just in absolute anger and frustration... I am feeling no pain whatsoever... My stepbrother's dead... for real this time. No faking just to get away from drama. He's officially dead... I lost my temper and ended up hitting my mother when she wouldn't leave me alone this morning... I ran away... and now, according to an offline from my stepfather and a brief conversation with my mother on the phone, apparently I have a PO after all (they just told me a few weeks after they were suppose to), and I have a meeting with her Monday at 3, along with my therapist... and there's a possibility of sending me off to a psychiatric ward.
I'm not the worst kid out there, but West Virignia's targetting me. There are plenty of kids out there that need a PO, need to go to summer school, need to be locked away, need a 7pm curfew... Suicidal kids, drug users, runaways, thieves, kids who beat the shit out of other people and their parents everyday when they don't get their way...
And they're going to put me in summer school when I dropped out legally from school, they're going to give me a 7pm curfew when I don't do anything anymore, they're going to put me in a psychiatric ward because I hit my mother when I lost my temper from being aggrivated by my mother and news of death from my best friend in my entire life??? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH WEST VIRGINIA?!?! Okay, so I didn't go to school today. I was going to go, just not until I calmed down a little bit from hearing about a DEATH. I ended up not going because if I would've stayed at that apartment with my mother any longer I was liable to seriously do damage to someone or something... And if I wouldn't have gotten ahold of my boyfriend, who knows where I would've gone?
Jesus fucking christ... I -_KNOW_- I'm NOT the worst teen out there.
Anyone got any ideas as far as my dream goes? Or as far as why west virginia is the way they are? Or how about if anyone's been through something similiar?
Bah. Fuck it. You don't have to reply. But it'd be appreciated.