Bad mood
All right, this is going to be just one long entry of Leora complaining and kvetching and being generally whiny, and annoying.
Yeah? You're still reading? Then I'm going to let loose, my friend, and you cannot say I didn't warn you.
Seriously, turn back now. I won't think any less of you for not reading my whining whiny-ness.
I don't even feel like going into all the reasons for my mood, and yes, they are numerous, ranging from the mundane of "I am so **** frustrated with my not ever getting anything done, ever," to more not-real, such as good books in which I come to care about the characters end depressingly, to more profound "nothing gold can stay" in general state of the world.
That one story with Julia singing the chicken soup song that I read a while ago said something to the extent of, if you ever find a moment when you can look around and think "I am truly happy, right now," then you can just mark that moment as the beginning of the end.
Which is a horrible way of looking at things, admittedly, but that doesn't make it any less true.
I want to be happy. Ha ha ha, no, that's not even right. I want to- I don't even KNOW what I want right now, all I know is that I WANT, and I want so much that it is painful.
Mmm. On a tangent, I think I understand why some guys hate women. (what a weird way to put it! That's not what I meant.) What I meant was, the concept of a... minx. Yes, a minx, a fox, whatever. Like Yo-Saff-Bridge in Firefly, exactly like her. The sort of woman who is stunningly beautiful and knows the exact things to say and do to make whoever she wants fall in love with her, and inside she is laughing at him because she doesn't care one fig for him, but she knows that she means the world to him, or at least the woman he thinks she is means the world to him. And then she breaks his heart and walks away without a care to find her next unsuspecting victim, and he's just left there looking at all the pieces of his heart strewn about and is angsty and stuff.
THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL TOWARDS AUTHORS WHO WRITE BOOKS LIKE THAT.
Because they KNOW how well they can write, how beautiful their words, how poor, gullible people like me cannot help being drawn into the story and CARING so terribly much about the characters and the story and their lives, and wanting so desperately much for them to be alright, they have this wonderful talent and they could be using it for so much good and they use it ONLY FOR EVIL, first they draw me in and I fall in love with these characters and then they do horrible tortury things to them and I am so helpless or maybe they even make it look like everything's going to turn out fine, but then they have to go and kill them off or break their hearts or just be nasty and then say, "Ha ha, THE END, everyone's dead or otherwise unhappy" and then I cry. I cry bitter tears.
...
YES I KNOW am I absolutely certifiable, go away world. *curls up into a little ball of miserable!Leora*
(Also I promise you all I'll be better in the morning, so don't waste energy worrying over me.)
Eru, I miss you all.
Yeah? You're still reading? Then I'm going to let loose, my friend, and you cannot say I didn't warn you.
Seriously, turn back now. I won't think any less of you for not reading my whining whiny-ness.
I don't even feel like going into all the reasons for my mood, and yes, they are numerous, ranging from the mundane of "I am so **** frustrated with my not ever getting anything done, ever," to more not-real, such as good books in which I come to care about the characters end depressingly, to more profound "nothing gold can stay" in general state of the world.
That one story with Julia singing the chicken soup song that I read a while ago said something to the extent of, if you ever find a moment when you can look around and think "I am truly happy, right now," then you can just mark that moment as the beginning of the end.
Which is a horrible way of looking at things, admittedly, but that doesn't make it any less true.
I want to be happy. Ha ha ha, no, that's not even right. I want to- I don't even KNOW what I want right now, all I know is that I WANT, and I want so much that it is painful.
Mmm. On a tangent, I think I understand why some guys hate women. (what a weird way to put it! That's not what I meant.) What I meant was, the concept of a... minx. Yes, a minx, a fox, whatever. Like Yo-Saff-Bridge in Firefly, exactly like her. The sort of woman who is stunningly beautiful and knows the exact things to say and do to make whoever she wants fall in love with her, and inside she is laughing at him because she doesn't care one fig for him, but she knows that she means the world to him, or at least the woman he thinks she is means the world to him. And then she breaks his heart and walks away without a care to find her next unsuspecting victim, and he's just left there looking at all the pieces of his heart strewn about and is angsty and stuff.
THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL TOWARDS AUTHORS WHO WRITE BOOKS LIKE THAT.
Because they KNOW how well they can write, how beautiful their words, how poor, gullible people like me cannot help being drawn into the story and CARING so terribly much about the characters and the story and their lives, and wanting so desperately much for them to be alright, they have this wonderful talent and they could be using it for so much good and they use it ONLY FOR EVIL, first they draw me in and I fall in love with these characters and then they do horrible tortury things to them and I am so helpless or maybe they even make it look like everything's going to turn out fine, but then they have to go and kill them off or break their hearts or just be nasty and then say, "Ha ha, THE END, everyone's dead or otherwise unhappy" and then I cry. I cry bitter tears.
...
YES I KNOW am I absolutely certifiable, go away world. *curls up into a little ball of miserable!Leora*
(Also I promise you all I'll be better in the morning, so don't waste energy worrying over me.)
Eru, I miss you all.