Carmen Fantasy by Pablo de Sarasate, take one
So tonight I played at Mrs. Smith's little pre-Solo-Ensemble Recital. It went badly. Very badly. I'm quite disappointed in myself- I screwed up a lot of things that I shouldn't have even blinked at, and of course I screwed up all the actual hard stuff. Tonight was the first night that Tamari heard me play since eighth grade. This also sucks, because she heard me play badly. *growls* I'm just getting frustrated. I played it quite well in the practice room yesterday, and sounded like crap when I rehearsed with Mr. Ascheri. I played it absolutely awesomely in the practice room today, and sounded simply awful in the recital tonight.
This had better not become a pattern.
There's too much at stake here. It's a ton of pressure. This is my last year of Solo-Ensemble. My last chance at MYAF. My senior concerto. My senior recital. These are things I have been anticipating since I started playing violin seriously. I want this to be the time when everyone's completely blown away, the year I can really have something to show off. I want so much to be able to play this piece with confidence, with style and with flair and with flash. To just enjoy it from the first to the last, enjoy playing the piece and enjoy knowing that people are sitting on the edges of their seats, bug-eyed.
I'm expecting too much. It's not going to happen. All I'm going to do is stress myself out more.
It's not too hard for me- I know it's not, I know I can do it. I know I can do it in the time I have. I refuse- I absolutely REFUSE- to settle for anything less. I am going to do this, and I am going to do it RIGHT, if it kills me. I don't want anyone telling me "oh, it's okay, it's a really hard piece." Well, it may be true. But I'm that good. I know I am. I know I am.
Too bad I never seem to be able to show it whenever anyone else is listening.
Goodbye.
This had better not become a pattern.
There's too much at stake here. It's a ton of pressure. This is my last year of Solo-Ensemble. My last chance at MYAF. My senior concerto. My senior recital. These are things I have been anticipating since I started playing violin seriously. I want this to be the time when everyone's completely blown away, the year I can really have something to show off. I want so much to be able to play this piece with confidence, with style and with flair and with flash. To just enjoy it from the first to the last, enjoy playing the piece and enjoy knowing that people are sitting on the edges of their seats, bug-eyed.
I'm expecting too much. It's not going to happen. All I'm going to do is stress myself out more.
It's not too hard for me- I know it's not, I know I can do it. I know I can do it in the time I have. I refuse- I absolutely REFUSE- to settle for anything less. I am going to do this, and I am going to do it RIGHT, if it kills me. I don't want anyone telling me "oh, it's okay, it's a really hard piece." Well, it may be true. But I'm that good. I know I am. I know I am.
Too bad I never seem to be able to show it whenever anyone else is listening.
Goodbye.