(no subject)
Ugh, so, yeah. I fail at social stuff a lot. This is sometimes a serious obstacle when it comes to overcoming the social anxiety and doing shit with actual people. It's not always my fault, like tonight, for instance!
It was nothing, just that a few critical personalities from my time with Muddy York were at the event I went to tonight, and that threw me into a total tailspin.
Before all this today I had an awesome game with my current rugby team, and that shit is going really well. But I feel like my feelings about Muddy will always be this strong and this difficult to put into words. Worst of all, there are people from whom I REALLY need or want some validation, or at least closure. Are we still friends or aren't we? Why or why not? I can handle the truth, I just can't handle whatever grey zone BS this is.
Or, is it my responsibility to just pick up on the signals and figure out when I'm disliked? Because, my brain ALWAYS gives those freaking signals, so I need a bit more evidence.
ARG.
It was nothing, just that a few critical personalities from my time with Muddy York were at the event I went to tonight, and that threw me into a total tailspin.
Before all this today I had an awesome game with my current rugby team, and that shit is going really well. But I feel like my feelings about Muddy will always be this strong and this difficult to put into words. Worst of all, there are people from whom I REALLY need or want some validation, or at least closure. Are we still friends or aren't we? Why or why not? I can handle the truth, I just can't handle whatever grey zone BS this is.
Or, is it my responsibility to just pick up on the signals and figure out when I'm disliked? Because, my brain ALWAYS gives those freaking signals, so I need a bit more evidence.
ARG.