let me burn in the fire of the lit ashes...of my soul?

[silentlywaching]

yes so...not much happening. bored. i want to get out...want to be on something. not feel...i was hoping to score some pills or something...i was told to ask colin...everyone pointed in his direction. dont realy want to do thta...seems like everyone's getting thrashed these days. i did manage to score a cigarette though. and even if i take stuff i have nowhere to go and do it and no one to do it with. so down about being back....fuck.... secret desires. i think i should make a new journal. in love but the boy doesnt know. up late every night again. paranoid somewhat. i want to start my band...whens life gonna happen for me... when am i going ot stop being lonely. ive been wondering this for a long time. why is it that the great guys always go out with synicle nothing girls who just mold to their personalities. we all know that statement is true. and y is it that i cant get anyone....i never thought i was that bad....i guess i did something not to deserve it. there's really no point to even writing in this thing. it's stupid and wont get me naywhere. besides it will only betray me in the end wont it....everyone reading ym stuff its bound to get around to my parents. someone plese answer this: whta's wrong with me?

pills pleAse.......................
love

im a worthless nothing now
worsae than all those other girls
cus i have absolutly nothing
not really even friends
so let me drown
my secrets