Dear __________,
Dear __________,
As I sit here, your name resounds throughout my very core. I can still feel your sweet touch on my skin. I say your name out loud and my pulse quickens. I think of the nights we spent, wrapped up in one another. Beautiful, each and every one of them. To the last drop of coffee, to the littlest of crumbs, I remember your breath, hot upon my neck. It drove me wild. I drove you wild. We played in the rain, and when I got cold you took me inside and wrapped me up and prepared some tea. When you got stressed, I'd massage your back, and you could no longer focus on the task at hand. Such distant memories these all are. Yet it's been only weeks since we parted ways. And while I tell people that I'm glad it's over, I'm really not. I know you're not either, though that's the story you spin as well. You mean so much to me, you mean everything to me. I am over you, however. I'm thankful I'm over you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. Litterally, I do get weak in my stomach and high in my head. You mean everything. Those memories will always be with me. They will remain as vivid as the day they happened. But, we can't be fighting the obvious anymore. It's never going to work, no matter how hard we try. Please, look back on it as I do. Avoid negativity. I don't have any regrets about it, you shouldn't either. I love you. More than my words will ever be able to express. I just don't understand how your heart can hold so much scorn and so much hate. When your voicemails turned from love to anger. I'm sorry I'm not returning them. I want to badly, but it will only bring back the old feelings. As soon as I hear your voice real-time again. I love you. I hope you'll one day understand that what went down, went down as soon as you went back home. Leaving me, all alone. That day at the airport was the most emotional day of my life, minus the day my grandfather died. As we held eachother in the terminal, you promised me you'd come back, you promised me that your love for me wouldn't ever change, and you promised me that I was the one you wanted to marry. It hurts, you broke those promises. Like twigs, you snapped them in two. My heart went along with those twigs. I have forgiven you, but I will never let my heart make the same mistake again. I remember the tears we cried that day, as clear as the rain I felt upon my cheeks just yesterday. I remember the kiss. It was electrifying. And while you clearly regret your actions, and I clearly wish I could change some of mine, we've got to face it head on. What's done is done. This is God's will. You helped me find what I will look for in a husband. You are strong hearted, filled with God's glory, beautifully intelligent, and funny. The best part? You called me yours, and I called you mine. And it was beautiful. I don't even regret the day you confessed your sin. Your honesty, is a real quality. You did that because I needed to know. And now that I do, I know that I can never get back together with you, as much as I'd like to. I'd be somewhat a fool. I love you. And I don't think you'll ever really get that. But you hurt me in a way that I never knew I could be hurt. I promise one day I will get back in touch with you. And that is a promise I will not break. Because I want my friend back. The one who would play his guitar for me, the one who would sing me to sleep, the one who would be there for me, the one who was incredible. I want that friend back. I love you, never forget that.
<3, Amanda
As I sit here, your name resounds throughout my very core. I can still feel your sweet touch on my skin. I say your name out loud and my pulse quickens. I think of the nights we spent, wrapped up in one another. Beautiful, each and every one of them. To the last drop of coffee, to the littlest of crumbs, I remember your breath, hot upon my neck. It drove me wild. I drove you wild. We played in the rain, and when I got cold you took me inside and wrapped me up and prepared some tea. When you got stressed, I'd massage your back, and you could no longer focus on the task at hand. Such distant memories these all are. Yet it's been only weeks since we parted ways. And while I tell people that I'm glad it's over, I'm really not. I know you're not either, though that's the story you spin as well. You mean so much to me, you mean everything to me. I am over you, however. I'm thankful I'm over you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. Litterally, I do get weak in my stomach and high in my head. You mean everything. Those memories will always be with me. They will remain as vivid as the day they happened. But, we can't be fighting the obvious anymore. It's never going to work, no matter how hard we try. Please, look back on it as I do. Avoid negativity. I don't have any regrets about it, you shouldn't either. I love you. More than my words will ever be able to express. I just don't understand how your heart can hold so much scorn and so much hate. When your voicemails turned from love to anger. I'm sorry I'm not returning them. I want to badly, but it will only bring back the old feelings. As soon as I hear your voice real-time again. I love you. I hope you'll one day understand that what went down, went down as soon as you went back home. Leaving me, all alone. That day at the airport was the most emotional day of my life, minus the day my grandfather died. As we held eachother in the terminal, you promised me you'd come back, you promised me that your love for me wouldn't ever change, and you promised me that I was the one you wanted to marry. It hurts, you broke those promises. Like twigs, you snapped them in two. My heart went along with those twigs. I have forgiven you, but I will never let my heart make the same mistake again. I remember the tears we cried that day, as clear as the rain I felt upon my cheeks just yesterday. I remember the kiss. It was electrifying. And while you clearly regret your actions, and I clearly wish I could change some of mine, we've got to face it head on. What's done is done. This is God's will. You helped me find what I will look for in a husband. You are strong hearted, filled with God's glory, beautifully intelligent, and funny. The best part? You called me yours, and I called you mine. And it was beautiful. I don't even regret the day you confessed your sin. Your honesty, is a real quality. You did that because I needed to know. And now that I do, I know that I can never get back together with you, as much as I'd like to. I'd be somewhat a fool. I love you. And I don't think you'll ever really get that. But you hurt me in a way that I never knew I could be hurt. I promise one day I will get back in touch with you. And that is a promise I will not break. Because I want my friend back. The one who would play his guitar for me, the one who would sing me to sleep, the one who would be there for me, the one who was incredible. I want that friend back. I love you, never forget that.
<3, Amanda