Helping Myself
When did I say that I didn’t want to help myself? Does anyone think I enjoy living my life like this? That I am unaware of what happens in my daily life, that I am ignorant of the mood swings and problems that accompany them? Do you really think I enjoy this?
Yes, I am lashing out right now because your help, Mr. Ben, is not appreciated at this precise moment in time. I am sitting here, laying out everything bare for the world to see and admitting that I have a problem and yes, I want to do something about it, and you have the nerve to tell me ‘You have to help yourself, no one else can assist you unless you help yourself first.’
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Has nothing I have said or done shown that I am taking action, yes, for myself first? I shouldn’t expect anyone to give a damn about me for an unknown period of time until everyone else is satisfied that I am helping myself? That I shouldn’t expect support or compassion? I should just be a world alone to myself until you deem I have made the effort you desire of me? Please, oh please, tell me when I have met your expectations!
If I didn’t give a damn about myself I wouldn’t have gone to two stores last night to get what I need. I wouldn’t have spent what little cash I have on these items that even a month ago I would have considered frivolous. This has been in the back of my mind for some time. Yes, perhaps I did need a wakeup call like this to take action, but, please, do not assume that I am simply simpering for attention and doing this because of someone else. Yes, I am doing this for Dave as well as myself, I’m doing it for the world as well as myself, but I do realize I COME FIRST IN THIS.
I haven’t asked for anyone’s help, I have only asked for acknowledgement. My openness is my acknowledgement that I have a problem and I have to deal with it.
Yes, I am lashing out right now because your help, Mr. Ben, is not appreciated at this precise moment in time. I am sitting here, laying out everything bare for the world to see and admitting that I have a problem and yes, I want to do something about it, and you have the nerve to tell me ‘You have to help yourself, no one else can assist you unless you help yourself first.’
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Has nothing I have said or done shown that I am taking action, yes, for myself first? I shouldn’t expect anyone to give a damn about me for an unknown period of time until everyone else is satisfied that I am helping myself? That I shouldn’t expect support or compassion? I should just be a world alone to myself until you deem I have made the effort you desire of me? Please, oh please, tell me when I have met your expectations!
If I didn’t give a damn about myself I wouldn’t have gone to two stores last night to get what I need. I wouldn’t have spent what little cash I have on these items that even a month ago I would have considered frivolous. This has been in the back of my mind for some time. Yes, perhaps I did need a wakeup call like this to take action, but, please, do not assume that I am simply simpering for attention and doing this because of someone else. Yes, I am doing this for Dave as well as myself, I’m doing it for the world as well as myself, but I do realize I COME FIRST IN THIS.
I haven’t asked for anyone’s help, I have only asked for acknowledgement. My openness is my acknowledgement that I have a problem and I have to deal with it.