Attention Attention my i have all your eyes and ears
I've come to another conclusion.
what else is new..
I've been moping around this semester..
thinking , "okay. i'm in college.. in need to graduate..get good grades.."
but for what?
the logical, clear answer.. so i can graduate and get a job..
"what job do you want to have?"
ummm honestly i don't know.
Right now, my purpose or direction is pointing only to getting done what i need to do in order to graduate..and be a good student....
and honestly, i'm quite miserable doing so.
BUT you know what i'm lacking? what i've been lacking ever since i set foot on these campus grounds?
A DREAM.
a god damn dream.
WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT A DREAM? AN ULTIMATE GOAL?
Something to bust your ass for..
for 6 years of my life,
my dream was to be (as you can read underneathe my senior picture in the 2004 Ewing high yearbook)
"a boyband superstar... and to study music in college"
Yeah. so.. i'm here. in college.. whoohoo.. yeah..
Don't pop the cork yet, Johnson.
What the hell happened to that first part??
i used to tell myself "in college.. i'm gonna find some guys who are really passionate about it too.. and just straight Go for it. Practice 4 hours a night in a warehouse if we have to."
i actually made flyers for my sister to post at Mercer when she was going to college.
I was so gung ho, just ask any of my fellow unfortunate UPfront members.
i miss that passion.. that drive.
i miss the synchronized dance moves.. the cheezy harmonies. performing pop music... phew.. that's the life.
not even joking. i remember telling myself in 9th grade.. "i just want to tour america.. and make people smile. cute girls...their moms.. everyone"
This is the music that got me so god damn passionate about love and girls...
which is a gift and curse. fuck that, it's a curse.
I Lived for this.
what am i living for now? i feel like i'm just going through the motions..every single day.
i'm working towards something... but, i'm not passionate about it.
i'm sorry.. i'm not passionate about 15th century motets.. or product possibility curves..
i know. everyone has to pay their dues. everyone has to work for what they want.
i want to learn and master my craft.. but honestly, my craft is a dying art.. like.. churning butter..
i remember someone told me in high school.. "they better have a Boyband major in college, because i don't know what else you'd do.."
maybe if i asked hofstra nicely... ....
I'm sorry. this all sounds so rediculous.. i know it does.I Guess i'm still just a naive 19 year old kid. i just want my dream back.
a person without dreams ... dies
xtratms4: they pass the time
xtratms4: its just this one comp game its all i've been about the last week
WordUpAsian50: lolol are you making an analogy to computer games?
xtratms4: lol uhh no
xtratms4: y did u see one?
WordUpAsian50: lol yeah
WordUpAsian50: "they pass the time" (girls)
WordUpAsian50: "you've been all about this one comp game this week"
26: aww honey, go listen to your n sync and everything will be okay
thanks. thanks a lot.