Fic: RunAway - LVIII. Billy
Series info, summary, warnings, and disclaimer
Previous chapters
Chapter Title: Billy
Chapter Summary: Dominic realizes
“Dominic.”
Dom looked up slowly. He felt awful. Reliving past events had not only been draining, but painful as well. Telling Billy about his drug habit nearly made Dom physically ill, and he’d skirted the whole rape experience entirely. He suspected Billy guessed why he was being vague, but Billy didn’t push him to talk about it, for which Dom was incredibly grateful. He’d expected Billy to demand the information, and if he had, Dom was sure he’d have told the whole story immediately.
Billy didn’t say anything further, though his mouth was slightly open. “Yes?” Dom asked quietly.
“I never completely gave up, you know.” Dom nodded, encouraging Billy to continue. “You made it so hard, Dom. You hurt us so much-"
“Don’t-"
“No, you have to hear this, Dom. You have to hear every second of it, because I had to fucking live it,” Billy interrupted sharply.
“I’m sorry,” Dom breathed, looking at Billy with pleading eyes.
“You don’t get to run away again, Dom. This is your fucking responsibility, and you need to grow up and take it, Dom. You hurt so many people with this-this-this… Fuck, I don’t even know what to say. I get it, Dom, I really do. I understand what you felt and I even understand your fucked up, stupid logic, but it doesn’t change what you put me through. You put me through absolute hell, Dominic.”
Dom closed his eyes and drew his knees up to his chest, but Billy didn’t stop.
“Looking at you now, I don’t want to hurt you. I would fucking love to take a knife to your heart for what you did to me, but I can’t hurt you anymore.”
“Billy-"
“After you… died. Afterward I was just numb and angry and so fucking sad. I couldn’t handle anything. I couldn’t stay with Ali, so I moved out and drank myself to unconsciousness. Elijah was going ‘round the bend. Orlando and Sean were just trying to keep me and Lij together and it just about drove Sean to a nervous breakdown.”
“Billy, please-"
“No! More people loved you than you realize. What do you think your parents felt, Dominic?” Billy was shouting now and Dominic cringed away from his voice. “I couldn’t face them, Dom. I couldn’t stand to look at them because I knew that it was all my fault that you’d gone. They… They tried to call me. Your mum left me messages asking how I was handling it. You can’t fucking do that to your own family!”
“Don’t you dare, Billy, don’t you dare try and pull the orphan card with me,” Dom screamed back, slipping off the table to stand and tower over Billy, who was still seated on the couch. “This is not the same and you fucking know it.”
“It’s fucking true, you bastard. You have a perfect family, Dom. You have a mum and dad who love you more than life itself and a brother that you actually get along with. You chose to leave them, to make them think you were dead. That, Dom, that makes me sick.”
Billy got to his feet as well and the two men stood nose to nose, glaring at each other.
“What did you think? Don’t answer that, let me talk,” Billy said when Dom opened his mouth to reply. “Did you think it would be all sunshine and rainbows for them? To just accept the fact that you committed suicide and move on with their lives? That’s not how it works, Dominic. Did you even fucking watch Lord of the Rings?”
“Oh, god,” Dom cried exasperatedly.
“‘No parent should have to bury their child.’ No man should have to bury his best mate either, Dom. You’re so fucking selfish.”
“Bastard,” Dom hissed through clenched teeth. His hands came up of their own violation and shoved Billy backward, knocking him down to the couch. “I did this for you. For you, Billy. And yeah, okay, maybe it didn’t work out quite like I expected, but that doesn’t change the fact that I did this because I wanted you to be happy. Everything I do, I do for you.”
“Oh that’s just fucking great, now you’re quoting song lyrics.”
“Fuck you.”
Billy snorted derisively and flipped two fingers at Dom.
“What are you more angry about, Billy?” Dom asked suddenly. “The fact that I put you through hell, or the fact that I pulled it off?”
“You’re just fucking asking me to beat you, aren’t you?” Billy asked incredulously. “Don’t think I won’t, Dom.” Billy stood up again and shoved Dom back. Dom’s calves hit the coffee table and slid it backwards. Some of Dom’s tea sloshed out of his mug onto the tabletop.
“It’s all my fault. Okay, I get that. But I did it for you and you can’t dispute that. I put myself through hell for you. I never wanted you to go through that too.”
“So what you’re really saying is that it’s my fault,” Billy sneered. “As if I needed more fucking guilt.”
“No, Billy-"
“Fuck. You.”
“Billy-"
Billy’s hand shot out and hit Dom square in the chest. He fell back, over the coffee table and onto the floor, where he slid until he hit the wall.
“Oh god…” Dom groaned. He reached back to feel for blood in his hair. His sleeve pulled down to reveal the scars on his wrist. “Jesus, Billy…”
Billy stepped over the low table and grabbed Dom’s wrist. “I don’t need this on my conscience.”
“No, that’s all on me, Bill,” Dom said evenly. Billy released him and paced around the room, breathing deeply.
Wordlessly, Dom got to his feet and got some ice for his head, which was actually bleeding a bit. Billy didn’t even look at him when he passed. When the silence got to be too much, Dom sighed and said, “It’s up to you, Bill.”
“What is?”
“You can go back and you never saw me. I’m dead. Or you can call Elijah and Sean and start telling people that it was all a hoax and that I’m an idiot, but still alive.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“I’ll, um. I’ll leave you to think about it, then,” Dom muttered, and backed into the bedroom.
He went into the loo and shook the ice out of the towel, then used it to wipe off the left-over stage makeup. His earlier tears had already smeared the stuff on his cheeks and beneath his eyes. His shirt, he saw, also had smudges of flesh-coloured makeup from where he’d rubbed his face with his sleeves. Dom tore at the shirt, frustrated with himself and Billy and the whole situation, and when he turned to throw it into the bedroom, he saw Billy standing there silently, watching him.
“Holy fuck!” he cried, nearly jumping out of his skin. Billy didn’t move or even react. When Dom had his breathing back under control, he continued, “Did you… Did you decide something?”
Next: Love
Previous chapters
Chapter Title: Billy
Chapter Summary: Dominic realizes
“Dominic.”
Dom looked up slowly. He felt awful. Reliving past events had not only been draining, but painful as well. Telling Billy about his drug habit nearly made Dom physically ill, and he’d skirted the whole rape experience entirely. He suspected Billy guessed why he was being vague, but Billy didn’t push him to talk about it, for which Dom was incredibly grateful. He’d expected Billy to demand the information, and if he had, Dom was sure he’d have told the whole story immediately.
Billy didn’t say anything further, though his mouth was slightly open. “Yes?” Dom asked quietly.
“I never completely gave up, you know.” Dom nodded, encouraging Billy to continue. “You made it so hard, Dom. You hurt us so much-"
“Don’t-"
“No, you have to hear this, Dom. You have to hear every second of it, because I had to fucking live it,” Billy interrupted sharply.
“I’m sorry,” Dom breathed, looking at Billy with pleading eyes.
“You don’t get to run away again, Dom. This is your fucking responsibility, and you need to grow up and take it, Dom. You hurt so many people with this-this-this… Fuck, I don’t even know what to say. I get it, Dom, I really do. I understand what you felt and I even understand your fucked up, stupid logic, but it doesn’t change what you put me through. You put me through absolute hell, Dominic.”
Dom closed his eyes and drew his knees up to his chest, but Billy didn’t stop.
“Looking at you now, I don’t want to hurt you. I would fucking love to take a knife to your heart for what you did to me, but I can’t hurt you anymore.”
“Billy-"
“After you… died. Afterward I was just numb and angry and so fucking sad. I couldn’t handle anything. I couldn’t stay with Ali, so I moved out and drank myself to unconsciousness. Elijah was going ‘round the bend. Orlando and Sean were just trying to keep me and Lij together and it just about drove Sean to a nervous breakdown.”
“Billy, please-"
“No! More people loved you than you realize. What do you think your parents felt, Dominic?” Billy was shouting now and Dominic cringed away from his voice. “I couldn’t face them, Dom. I couldn’t stand to look at them because I knew that it was all my fault that you’d gone. They… They tried to call me. Your mum left me messages asking how I was handling it. You can’t fucking do that to your own family!”
“Don’t you dare, Billy, don’t you dare try and pull the orphan card with me,” Dom screamed back, slipping off the table to stand and tower over Billy, who was still seated on the couch. “This is not the same and you fucking know it.”
“It’s fucking true, you bastard. You have a perfect family, Dom. You have a mum and dad who love you more than life itself and a brother that you actually get along with. You chose to leave them, to make them think you were dead. That, Dom, that makes me sick.”
Billy got to his feet as well and the two men stood nose to nose, glaring at each other.
“What did you think? Don’t answer that, let me talk,” Billy said when Dom opened his mouth to reply. “Did you think it would be all sunshine and rainbows for them? To just accept the fact that you committed suicide and move on with their lives? That’s not how it works, Dominic. Did you even fucking watch Lord of the Rings?”
“Oh, god,” Dom cried exasperatedly.
“‘No parent should have to bury their child.’ No man should have to bury his best mate either, Dom. You’re so fucking selfish.”
“Bastard,” Dom hissed through clenched teeth. His hands came up of their own violation and shoved Billy backward, knocking him down to the couch. “I did this for you. For you, Billy. And yeah, okay, maybe it didn’t work out quite like I expected, but that doesn’t change the fact that I did this because I wanted you to be happy. Everything I do, I do for you.”
“Oh that’s just fucking great, now you’re quoting song lyrics.”
“Fuck you.”
Billy snorted derisively and flipped two fingers at Dom.
“What are you more angry about, Billy?” Dom asked suddenly. “The fact that I put you through hell, or the fact that I pulled it off?”
“You’re just fucking asking me to beat you, aren’t you?” Billy asked incredulously. “Don’t think I won’t, Dom.” Billy stood up again and shoved Dom back. Dom’s calves hit the coffee table and slid it backwards. Some of Dom’s tea sloshed out of his mug onto the tabletop.
“It’s all my fault. Okay, I get that. But I did it for you and you can’t dispute that. I put myself through hell for you. I never wanted you to go through that too.”
“So what you’re really saying is that it’s my fault,” Billy sneered. “As if I needed more fucking guilt.”
“No, Billy-"
“Fuck. You.”
“Billy-"
Billy’s hand shot out and hit Dom square in the chest. He fell back, over the coffee table and onto the floor, where he slid until he hit the wall.
“Oh god…” Dom groaned. He reached back to feel for blood in his hair. His sleeve pulled down to reveal the scars on his wrist. “Jesus, Billy…”
Billy stepped over the low table and grabbed Dom’s wrist. “I don’t need this on my conscience.”
“No, that’s all on me, Bill,” Dom said evenly. Billy released him and paced around the room, breathing deeply.
Wordlessly, Dom got to his feet and got some ice for his head, which was actually bleeding a bit. Billy didn’t even look at him when he passed. When the silence got to be too much, Dom sighed and said, “It’s up to you, Bill.”
“What is?”
“You can go back and you never saw me. I’m dead. Or you can call Elijah and Sean and start telling people that it was all a hoax and that I’m an idiot, but still alive.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“I’ll, um. I’ll leave you to think about it, then,” Dom muttered, and backed into the bedroom.
He went into the loo and shook the ice out of the towel, then used it to wipe off the left-over stage makeup. His earlier tears had already smeared the stuff on his cheeks and beneath his eyes. His shirt, he saw, also had smudges of flesh-coloured makeup from where he’d rubbed his face with his sleeves. Dom tore at the shirt, frustrated with himself and Billy and the whole situation, and when he turned to throw it into the bedroom, he saw Billy standing there silently, watching him.
“Holy fuck!” he cried, nearly jumping out of his skin. Billy didn’t move or even react. When Dom had his breathing back under control, he continued, “Did you… Did you decide something?”
Next: Love