She looks like Heaven
Hey all,
Yea,life's life, if i've said it once i've said it ten journal entries before, it's all pretty much the same. Gym, work, friends, sleep, rinse, and repeat. I dont know why I still feel like i'm not doing anything to..to..hell i dont even know what it is I want to do anymore. I'm getting fed up with being so polite to complete assholes, you know humans have a pretty cruel sence of humor(i'm sure you already knew). For example, I'm working today and there's this co-worker named "Bea" who honestly is pretty ugly mainly because of her teeth, seems like smoking and chewing tabacoo caught up with her with yellowish-blackish teeth. It's pretty nasty, yes. However, I had this lady and her daughter(who was about 18-21) come in and say "Is that lady with the hideous mouth still work here?" I'm kinda shocked and nudge me head over to the back and mouth the words "she's in the back" as to you know, make her feel bad considering she migh have heard and gotten upset. she just replies with a plain voice " Oh, I don't care if she's here." And I just kinda get angry on the inside and at this point I want to get her out of the door to avoid the topic of picking on others. But NO! She goes on saying "besides, it's her fault for not going to the dentist that she looks that way." I swear to God, that ticked me off, she's lived in poverty her whole life from what i've heard and lives by herself making about $10000 a year at subway and this bitch acts as if she's had all the chances in the world to have a perfect life. So her saying that made me feel like saying "Well jee, then I guess it's your fault for being so fat you have to come to subway instead of affording LIFO suction." but no, I fake a smile to get through the line with her and never say another word to her but come on people! What kinda of stuck up prick says that with absolutly no concern if she gets her feelings hurt. She acted as if she was all high and mighty as her daughter laughed with her after she said it. It frustrates me to no end that people like her can live with themselves and never experience the amount of pain or anguish of others misfortunes. I try to se what others see, see why they feel the way they do, how they came to their conclusions and for godsake how they'll feel when I say my next sentence. I've hurt people's feelings through out my life and I dont think i'll ever be able to forgive myself. It pains me everytime I remember even the smallest things, even the things that were forgiven by others, even the things they may not have been hurt by or may not regret happening. I try so hard to make others feel better, the some asshole comes and ruins it like her. It's ridiculous, ignorant, and...ah who am I kidding, I can't change the world, I can't change the way people act or judge. I probably have no right to judge others as humans. But I will anyway, that person's remarks make her dead to me. and now, since she's dead, I won't have to worry about it. In lighter news, a girl walked in and as a rang up her order and said the whole have a good one thing, she said "thanks Vince" and I was bewlidered and said "what? wait! who are you?" and she didnt stop, she did say "Allana, from kindergarden." and I was like wow...I have no idea who she is. my memory sucks. and...well..yep, that was my highlight. Talk to you all later, think twice before you speak
Love you,
Vince
Yea,life's life, if i've said it once i've said it ten journal entries before, it's all pretty much the same. Gym, work, friends, sleep, rinse, and repeat. I dont know why I still feel like i'm not doing anything to..to..hell i dont even know what it is I want to do anymore. I'm getting fed up with being so polite to complete assholes, you know humans have a pretty cruel sence of humor(i'm sure you already knew). For example, I'm working today and there's this co-worker named "Bea" who honestly is pretty ugly mainly because of her teeth, seems like smoking and chewing tabacoo caught up with her with yellowish-blackish teeth. It's pretty nasty, yes. However, I had this lady and her daughter(who was about 18-21) come in and say "Is that lady with the hideous mouth still work here?" I'm kinda shocked and nudge me head over to the back and mouth the words "she's in the back" as to you know, make her feel bad considering she migh have heard and gotten upset. she just replies with a plain voice " Oh, I don't care if she's here." And I just kinda get angry on the inside and at this point I want to get her out of the door to avoid the topic of picking on others. But NO! She goes on saying "besides, it's her fault for not going to the dentist that she looks that way." I swear to God, that ticked me off, she's lived in poverty her whole life from what i've heard and lives by herself making about $10000 a year at subway and this bitch acts as if she's had all the chances in the world to have a perfect life. So her saying that made me feel like saying "Well jee, then I guess it's your fault for being so fat you have to come to subway instead of affording LIFO suction." but no, I fake a smile to get through the line with her and never say another word to her but come on people! What kinda of stuck up prick says that with absolutly no concern if she gets her feelings hurt. She acted as if she was all high and mighty as her daughter laughed with her after she said it. It frustrates me to no end that people like her can live with themselves and never experience the amount of pain or anguish of others misfortunes. I try to se what others see, see why they feel the way they do, how they came to their conclusions and for godsake how they'll feel when I say my next sentence. I've hurt people's feelings through out my life and I dont think i'll ever be able to forgive myself. It pains me everytime I remember even the smallest things, even the things that were forgiven by others, even the things they may not have been hurt by or may not regret happening. I try so hard to make others feel better, the some asshole comes and ruins it like her. It's ridiculous, ignorant, and...ah who am I kidding, I can't change the world, I can't change the way people act or judge. I probably have no right to judge others as humans. But I will anyway, that person's remarks make her dead to me. and now, since she's dead, I won't have to worry about it. In lighter news, a girl walked in and as a rang up her order and said the whole have a good one thing, she said "thanks Vince" and I was bewlidered and said "what? wait! who are you?" and she didnt stop, she did say "Allana, from kindergarden." and I was like wow...I have no idea who she is. my memory sucks. and...well..yep, that was my highlight. Talk to you all later, think twice before you speak
Love you,
Vince