Oneshot - A Gradual Thing [Ryo/Massu]
Title: A Gradual Thing
Pairing: Ryo/Massu
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Even Ryo couldn't foresee falling in love with Massu.
Notes: Way longer then I ever intended. Un-beta'd.
Ryo doesn't really know when he began to really notice Massu. He thinks maybe he's been noticing for a long time but his mind has only just caught up with what he's been subconsciously doing for a while now.
Ryo could sort of understand if it was just physical. He works with Massu and he's seen what's under the baggy, colourful clothes his bandmate loves to wear. He is clearly an attractive man that enjoys taking care of his body, and not just the cute looking boy everyone has become so used to seeing stuff his face. He is someone who truly does light up the room when he smiles, his face just so completely soft. Smooth skin, gentle angles, silky hair and warm eyes. Ryo just doesn't know when all those things started to effect him rather then just being.
Whenever they're on stage Ryo finds it increasingly hard to look anywhere other than Massu. The way he moves his body is so hypnotizing and his voice, simply, takes his breath away. The times he's had to focus on Koyama's backside just to make sure his breath doesn't hitch when he looks over to Massu is an embarrassingly large amount. He even forgets to take advantage of that wonderful thing called fanservice because he's already trying so hard not to touch him.
Ryo's never been in love, yet when he realises that's probably what has happened, he just lets out a small 'oh' and carries on with what he's doing. It makes a lot of sense after all. The thought doesn't shock him and he doesn't particulary care that it happens to be a man he's fallen for. Even though in his head his future has always involved a wife, a few kids and a dog. He's always maintained the stance that he's attracted to who he's attracted to, end of story. And he's comfortable with that. It's just that it's Massu, and there lies the problem.
Ryo is at a complete loss as to what to do, possibly for the first time ever.
He's not all mouth and he's definitely not all confidence, especially concerning things that actually matter. But he's also no blushing school boy with a first crush. He's had partners. He's just so conflicted this time and it's slowly driving him insane. It's stupid to assume Massu would feel the same considering he's never suggested anything of the sort. On the other hand, nothing comes from sitting idle and Ryo knows that, it's just this time is so inexplicably different.
Whenever he's been attracted to someone, it's always been immediate. Lust at first sight maybe. This has crept up on him and taken him by surprise, leaving him more than a little baffled as to what to do next and with enough foreign feelings to last him a life time. Him and Massu also have a history which shouldn't, but somehow does, make things so very different. They're friends. He doesn't know what he'd do if he fucked that up. How does he go about doing something? Does he even want to?
He contemplates talking to Shige about it. Despite the popular consensus, Ryo considers him a valued friend. Ryo finds it exceptionally easy to talk to Shige, despite not having a long history of close friendship with him like he does with Yamapi. Shige would be the reassurance and understanding he needs.
He also briefly flirts with the idea of talking to someone outside of News about it. He quickly decides the likes of Kanjani8 are out of the question though. Not because they'd mind, but because he already knows exactly what they'll tell him to do. Which, whilst fantastic in theory, could be considered sexual harassment in practice. In the end, Ryo doesn't say a word to anyone. His pride kicks in, as does his rapidly increasing nervousness.
As time goes on, Ryo soon finds himself just utterly hating being in love. He ends up saying the most ridiculous things that he doesn't give a shit about just so that when Massu laughs, it's because of him. Which ends up boosting his ego a horrendous amount anyway. When he makes Massu laugh or smile, he feels like the most important man in the world and nothing can touch him. It's even gone as far as to when Ryo walks into the News dressing room and Massu isn't there, he makes some lame excuse so he can leave only to eventually come back when Massu has arrived. Ryo really hates himself when he ends up hiding out in the KAT-TUN dressing room.
Whenever he does happen to be near Massu, he always becomes so hyper aware that he almost just wants to run home and climb into bed. Shielding himself from everyone. His skin constantly prickles with heat and his stomach is always churning. Ryo finds his eyesight slowly sliding towards Massu before he can stop himself. Even if the other man is doing nothing, his presence is enough to make Ryo go complete blank. He stops typing on his laptop because the words he needs to write escape him and he blocks out the music he's listening to on his iPod as he simply doesn't care. He glances up every few minutes because as hard as he tries, he can't restrain himself from looking. He doesn't even do it on purpose. It's as if he has to reaffirm Massu is still there. Because, god forbid if he wasn't.
Jealously begins to rear its ugly head which really gets under Ryo's skin. Whenever he sees Massu and Tegoshi giggling together over something, heads bowed close together and hands on each others arms, he pipes up a 'Massu, want the rest of my bento?' and he curses himself immediately. Even though Massu bounds over with a huge smile on his face and a slight flush colouring his cheeks from delight, which momentarily makes Ryo forget to breath. Ryo feels really quite pathetic and wants nothing more than to bury his head in Shige's shoulder, because he's pretty sure that the small sincere smile Shige is giving him means the clever bastard knows. Which now officially makes him the shoulder to cry on, so to speak.
When Ryo starts to dream about Massu, again, he's not shocked. Natural progression of unrequited love surely. They're not even all sexual. Though strangely enough, those are the ones that make Ryo freak out a bit. He's got used to the mornings where he wakes up with his boxer shorts damp and sticking to him. It's when he's in the middle of a photo shoot and starts to think back to the dream he had last night where him and Massu were just talking, he worries. Mainly because he starts to think he can't live without Massu. The thought makes the backs of his eyes burn and his throat close up painfully.
Whenever reality decides to slap him across the face, he picks up the phone and immediately dials Shiges number. Soon enough, Shige is sitting beside him, all warm and strong. A strength Ryo so desperately needs to latch on to. He comes prepared with beer and a takeout, ready to talk about anything Ryo needs to talk about. The topic of conversation is always the same, but Shige doesn't mind. He listens to Ryo gush about how amazing it is that Massu's laughter is always the loudest and somehow so perfect, when Shige's pretty sure there's nothing particulary amazing about Massu's laugh. Recites word for word his and Massu's conversation that day, even though Shige was there. Doubles over with fond laughter when he tells Shige how Massu got stuck in his stage costume, forgetting that Shige also got stuck in his and no one offered to help. Every now and then, he'll go silent and look so completely content as he thinks about how gorgeous Massu looked that day. His eyes sparkle as he talks about him, limbs flying excitedly and heart completely open for Shige to see.
The days when Massu's attention is completely on Ryo, without him having to say or do anything stupid, are the best. Massu will plonk himself next to Ryo and talk his ear off. Ryo is more than happy to listen of course. Which now earns him knowing glances from Yamapi as well as Shige because, after all, it becomes hard to be subtle when you're crazy about someone. It's those days Massu will not think twice about leaning into Ryo when they're standing around waiting for an interview, or offer his lap to the sleepy man who's having to do extra work with Kanjani8.
Koyama practically explodes with happiness when he sees them and Tegoshi can't help but chime in with a, 'Seems like Massu is Ryo-chan's favourite now', which draws a sweet sounding noise from Massu who seems to lean even closer. Shige often mentions that Ryo's smile looks best on those sort of days. Ryo simply tells him it's because he always falls a little bit more in love on those days.
Yamapi soon joins his and Shiges weekly get togethers. At first Ryo feels deeply awkward that he didn't tell his best friend first about his feelings towards Massu. He feels as if he's betrayed Yamapi somehow. Their leader only shakes his head and laughs, cooing out a fond, 'Ryo-chan,' before making his way over to the couch where Shige is sprawled. Ryo assumes he's forgiven, even though Yamapi was never mad. Ryo realises later on, years down the line, that he never actually confessed to either of them about his feelings for Massu. How annoying.
The weeks drag on, and things gradually start to change. He sees it happening before his eyes, and it's sort of beautiful. Shige and Yamapi start to get closer. On the nights the three of them hang out, Ryo begins to feel like a third wheel in his own house. They sit together, knees touching. Shige rests a large packet of crisps in his lap and every so often Yamapi will grab a handful. Always sharing a smile with Shige as he leans over. Yamapi will offer his drink to Shige, who had already finished his, and they would continue to share from the same can. Each taking turns to take small sips, passing it back and forth between each other.
When empty cans of beer litter Ryo's floor and the clock on his wall glows 1:00 am, Yamapi has his arm round Shige's shoulders. Drawing him close to his own body. Shige's head nestled comfortably on his chest and a stray hand just creeping under the other man's shirt to rest on his warm stomach. Seeing them together like that lights a fire within Ryo. It's not jealously, but a deep intense pain and loneliness. For the longest time he has just been getting on with life. Sometimes retreating to a place in the back of his mind where him and Massu are happy together. For the first time, Ryo is willing to do something. Seeing what he could have for real doesn't even compare to that other world he created.
He decides to get it over with quickly, otherwise he's pretty sure he'll back out. Never has he wanted to not do something so much in his life, yet at the same time want to so badly. He politely asks to talk to Massu alone for a moment and cringes at how strangled his voice sounds to his own ears. Leading him to an empty room, his strides wide and fast. Massu stumbling behind him to keep up.
Once he begins talking, he can't stop. Words tumbling out of his mouth, strings of incoherences, ending with a somewhat sombre, 'I can't stop thinking about you'. He releases a long shaky breath. Whatever the out come, Ryo felt lighter. As if he had been squeezed so tightly of every emotion, leaving him numb and uncomfortably warm. Not a nice feeling, but at least it affirms he's done something.
Ryo risks a glance. The look of pure unguarded joy on Massu's face is enough to make him choke back a gasp. An expression like nothing else he has ever seen before on the other man. When Massu presses his lips gently against his own, Ryo can't restrain himself from pushing back with enough force that Massu has to take a few steps backwards. His left hand already burying itself in Massu's hair, tugging and forcing his face closer whilst his other arm winds its way around his waist, tightly holding him flush against his chest. Massu's hands skim his neck, only to run down to grip at Ryo's forearms, fingers digging in. The kiss isn't perfect, it's awkward and sort of hurts. The desperation and raw passion blinding them both. But it's something, finally.
When they pull apart, both stay in the embrace. Ryo feels like his heart is about to burst out of his chest as Massu murmurs a, 'I've been dreaming about this day for years,' into Ryo's neck. Ryo sort of thinks he's still dreaming now. Reality has never been this kind to him. But Massu is there, solid and real in his arms. He sort of wants to scream or laugh or cry because he's pretty sure he can't form words. So he just settles for holding Massu tighter.
Pairing: Ryo/Massu
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Even Ryo couldn't foresee falling in love with Massu.
Notes: Way longer then I ever intended. Un-beta'd.
Ryo doesn't really know when he began to really notice Massu. He thinks maybe he's been noticing for a long time but his mind has only just caught up with what he's been subconsciously doing for a while now.
Ryo could sort of understand if it was just physical. He works with Massu and he's seen what's under the baggy, colourful clothes his bandmate loves to wear. He is clearly an attractive man that enjoys taking care of his body, and not just the cute looking boy everyone has become so used to seeing stuff his face. He is someone who truly does light up the room when he smiles, his face just so completely soft. Smooth skin, gentle angles, silky hair and warm eyes. Ryo just doesn't know when all those things started to effect him rather then just being.
Whenever they're on stage Ryo finds it increasingly hard to look anywhere other than Massu. The way he moves his body is so hypnotizing and his voice, simply, takes his breath away. The times he's had to focus on Koyama's backside just to make sure his breath doesn't hitch when he looks over to Massu is an embarrassingly large amount. He even forgets to take advantage of that wonderful thing called fanservice because he's already trying so hard not to touch him.
Ryo's never been in love, yet when he realises that's probably what has happened, he just lets out a small 'oh' and carries on with what he's doing. It makes a lot of sense after all. The thought doesn't shock him and he doesn't particulary care that it happens to be a man he's fallen for. Even though in his head his future has always involved a wife, a few kids and a dog. He's always maintained the stance that he's attracted to who he's attracted to, end of story. And he's comfortable with that. It's just that it's Massu, and there lies the problem.
Ryo is at a complete loss as to what to do, possibly for the first time ever.
He's not all mouth and he's definitely not all confidence, especially concerning things that actually matter. But he's also no blushing school boy with a first crush. He's had partners. He's just so conflicted this time and it's slowly driving him insane. It's stupid to assume Massu would feel the same considering he's never suggested anything of the sort. On the other hand, nothing comes from sitting idle and Ryo knows that, it's just this time is so inexplicably different.
Whenever he's been attracted to someone, it's always been immediate. Lust at first sight maybe. This has crept up on him and taken him by surprise, leaving him more than a little baffled as to what to do next and with enough foreign feelings to last him a life time. Him and Massu also have a history which shouldn't, but somehow does, make things so very different. They're friends. He doesn't know what he'd do if he fucked that up. How does he go about doing something? Does he even want to?
He contemplates talking to Shige about it. Despite the popular consensus, Ryo considers him a valued friend. Ryo finds it exceptionally easy to talk to Shige, despite not having a long history of close friendship with him like he does with Yamapi. Shige would be the reassurance and understanding he needs.
He also briefly flirts with the idea of talking to someone outside of News about it. He quickly decides the likes of Kanjani8 are out of the question though. Not because they'd mind, but because he already knows exactly what they'll tell him to do. Which, whilst fantastic in theory, could be considered sexual harassment in practice. In the end, Ryo doesn't say a word to anyone. His pride kicks in, as does his rapidly increasing nervousness.
As time goes on, Ryo soon finds himself just utterly hating being in love. He ends up saying the most ridiculous things that he doesn't give a shit about just so that when Massu laughs, it's because of him. Which ends up boosting his ego a horrendous amount anyway. When he makes Massu laugh or smile, he feels like the most important man in the world and nothing can touch him. It's even gone as far as to when Ryo walks into the News dressing room and Massu isn't there, he makes some lame excuse so he can leave only to eventually come back when Massu has arrived. Ryo really hates himself when he ends up hiding out in the KAT-TUN dressing room.
Whenever he does happen to be near Massu, he always becomes so hyper aware that he almost just wants to run home and climb into bed. Shielding himself from everyone. His skin constantly prickles with heat and his stomach is always churning. Ryo finds his eyesight slowly sliding towards Massu before he can stop himself. Even if the other man is doing nothing, his presence is enough to make Ryo go complete blank. He stops typing on his laptop because the words he needs to write escape him and he blocks out the music he's listening to on his iPod as he simply doesn't care. He glances up every few minutes because as hard as he tries, he can't restrain himself from looking. He doesn't even do it on purpose. It's as if he has to reaffirm Massu is still there. Because, god forbid if he wasn't.
Jealously begins to rear its ugly head which really gets under Ryo's skin. Whenever he sees Massu and Tegoshi giggling together over something, heads bowed close together and hands on each others arms, he pipes up a 'Massu, want the rest of my bento?' and he curses himself immediately. Even though Massu bounds over with a huge smile on his face and a slight flush colouring his cheeks from delight, which momentarily makes Ryo forget to breath. Ryo feels really quite pathetic and wants nothing more than to bury his head in Shige's shoulder, because he's pretty sure that the small sincere smile Shige is giving him means the clever bastard knows. Which now officially makes him the shoulder to cry on, so to speak.
When Ryo starts to dream about Massu, again, he's not shocked. Natural progression of unrequited love surely. They're not even all sexual. Though strangely enough, those are the ones that make Ryo freak out a bit. He's got used to the mornings where he wakes up with his boxer shorts damp and sticking to him. It's when he's in the middle of a photo shoot and starts to think back to the dream he had last night where him and Massu were just talking, he worries. Mainly because he starts to think he can't live without Massu. The thought makes the backs of his eyes burn and his throat close up painfully.
Whenever reality decides to slap him across the face, he picks up the phone and immediately dials Shiges number. Soon enough, Shige is sitting beside him, all warm and strong. A strength Ryo so desperately needs to latch on to. He comes prepared with beer and a takeout, ready to talk about anything Ryo needs to talk about. The topic of conversation is always the same, but Shige doesn't mind. He listens to Ryo gush about how amazing it is that Massu's laughter is always the loudest and somehow so perfect, when Shige's pretty sure there's nothing particulary amazing about Massu's laugh. Recites word for word his and Massu's conversation that day, even though Shige was there. Doubles over with fond laughter when he tells Shige how Massu got stuck in his stage costume, forgetting that Shige also got stuck in his and no one offered to help. Every now and then, he'll go silent and look so completely content as he thinks about how gorgeous Massu looked that day. His eyes sparkle as he talks about him, limbs flying excitedly and heart completely open for Shige to see.
The days when Massu's attention is completely on Ryo, without him having to say or do anything stupid, are the best. Massu will plonk himself next to Ryo and talk his ear off. Ryo is more than happy to listen of course. Which now earns him knowing glances from Yamapi as well as Shige because, after all, it becomes hard to be subtle when you're crazy about someone. It's those days Massu will not think twice about leaning into Ryo when they're standing around waiting for an interview, or offer his lap to the sleepy man who's having to do extra work with Kanjani8.
Koyama practically explodes with happiness when he sees them and Tegoshi can't help but chime in with a, 'Seems like Massu is Ryo-chan's favourite now', which draws a sweet sounding noise from Massu who seems to lean even closer. Shige often mentions that Ryo's smile looks best on those sort of days. Ryo simply tells him it's because he always falls a little bit more in love on those days.
Yamapi soon joins his and Shiges weekly get togethers. At first Ryo feels deeply awkward that he didn't tell his best friend first about his feelings towards Massu. He feels as if he's betrayed Yamapi somehow. Their leader only shakes his head and laughs, cooing out a fond, 'Ryo-chan,' before making his way over to the couch where Shige is sprawled. Ryo assumes he's forgiven, even though Yamapi was never mad. Ryo realises later on, years down the line, that he never actually confessed to either of them about his feelings for Massu. How annoying.
The weeks drag on, and things gradually start to change. He sees it happening before his eyes, and it's sort of beautiful. Shige and Yamapi start to get closer. On the nights the three of them hang out, Ryo begins to feel like a third wheel in his own house. They sit together, knees touching. Shige rests a large packet of crisps in his lap and every so often Yamapi will grab a handful. Always sharing a smile with Shige as he leans over. Yamapi will offer his drink to Shige, who had already finished his, and they would continue to share from the same can. Each taking turns to take small sips, passing it back and forth between each other.
When empty cans of beer litter Ryo's floor and the clock on his wall glows 1:00 am, Yamapi has his arm round Shige's shoulders. Drawing him close to his own body. Shige's head nestled comfortably on his chest and a stray hand just creeping under the other man's shirt to rest on his warm stomach. Seeing them together like that lights a fire within Ryo. It's not jealously, but a deep intense pain and loneliness. For the longest time he has just been getting on with life. Sometimes retreating to a place in the back of his mind where him and Massu are happy together. For the first time, Ryo is willing to do something. Seeing what he could have for real doesn't even compare to that other world he created.
He decides to get it over with quickly, otherwise he's pretty sure he'll back out. Never has he wanted to not do something so much in his life, yet at the same time want to so badly. He politely asks to talk to Massu alone for a moment and cringes at how strangled his voice sounds to his own ears. Leading him to an empty room, his strides wide and fast. Massu stumbling behind him to keep up.
Once he begins talking, he can't stop. Words tumbling out of his mouth, strings of incoherences, ending with a somewhat sombre, 'I can't stop thinking about you'. He releases a long shaky breath. Whatever the out come, Ryo felt lighter. As if he had been squeezed so tightly of every emotion, leaving him numb and uncomfortably warm. Not a nice feeling, but at least it affirms he's done something.
Ryo risks a glance. The look of pure unguarded joy on Massu's face is enough to make him choke back a gasp. An expression like nothing else he has ever seen before on the other man. When Massu presses his lips gently against his own, Ryo can't restrain himself from pushing back with enough force that Massu has to take a few steps backwards. His left hand already burying itself in Massu's hair, tugging and forcing his face closer whilst his other arm winds its way around his waist, tightly holding him flush against his chest. Massu's hands skim his neck, only to run down to grip at Ryo's forearms, fingers digging in. The kiss isn't perfect, it's awkward and sort of hurts. The desperation and raw passion blinding them both. But it's something, finally.
When they pull apart, both stay in the embrace. Ryo feels like his heart is about to burst out of his chest as Massu murmurs a, 'I've been dreaming about this day for years,' into Ryo's neck. Ryo sort of thinks he's still dreaming now. Reality has never been this kind to him. But Massu is there, solid and real in his arms. He sort of wants to scream or laugh or cry because he's pretty sure he can't form words. So he just settles for holding Massu tighter.