(no subject)
my student cancelled her session today. so i have my monday morning to myself. i don't mind. it gives me time to find some more books for her to read. i am assigning jamaica kincaids at the bottom of the river.
i've already had tea. the windows are open, it's softly raining. the birds singing are mixing nicely with the billie holiday i have playing. i'm up and dressed. incense going. lavender and patchouli on my skin.
we walked around sunset last night. the sky soft grey with streaks of pink, purple, lingering clouds fraying across the sky. i was beaming inside. in the cheesiest of the cheese statements, i can say i am the happiest i've ever been. just being with jason. i find myself achingly missing him throughout days. i feel like our love keeps getting stronger, more intense, more truthful and accepting.
i've been debating getting the e.e. cummings i carry your heart poem tattooed on my arm. i whisper it to jason when we are sitting on the couch. or before sleep. i have left lines of it as love notes. it touches our daily lives and holds weight for me.
i want to buy a new notebook. with crisp pages. a black cover. i miss handwriting every thing. i miss writing in general. i miss studying words, analyzing themes, researching. i miss academia. i miss falling deeply and soundly in love with a book.
looking for a house is more work than i expected. as our time here gets closer to an end, i feel a bit of pressure to find a structure in which to call home. i know what i'm looking for. but it's just finding it. and feeling like i could live there, dance across the hardwood floors, make love in the rooms, cook dinners there, raise babies. there is a lot to take into consideration. there is a lot of money that i'm scared to become indebted to. there is also the finalization of buying house that scares me. the settling of one place. i complain about having to move so much, but then the thought of staying here for enough time for us not to loose money makes me wary.
my mom asked me yesterday whether i'd rather go to ireland and scotland or a family cruise. i feel like i should say family cruise so we can all go, but i think i want ireland and scotland with just my mom. just something for us to always look back on. besides when it comes down to it, i prefer cool rainy weather to hot sunny beaches. i've dreamt of going there for a long long time. probably since my grammy passed. i wonder what it will be like to see family over there. i wonder if i will find parts of myself in their faces.
i should shower and run to the store. for fage yogurt. strawberries. as i say this, heavy rain just started. i'm taking it as a sign to stay home and relax. just listen to the rain and enjoy it.
i've already had tea. the windows are open, it's softly raining. the birds singing are mixing nicely with the billie holiday i have playing. i'm up and dressed. incense going. lavender and patchouli on my skin.
we walked around sunset last night. the sky soft grey with streaks of pink, purple, lingering clouds fraying across the sky. i was beaming inside. in the cheesiest of the cheese statements, i can say i am the happiest i've ever been. just being with jason. i find myself achingly missing him throughout days. i feel like our love keeps getting stronger, more intense, more truthful and accepting.
i've been debating getting the e.e. cummings i carry your heart poem tattooed on my arm. i whisper it to jason when we are sitting on the couch. or before sleep. i have left lines of it as love notes. it touches our daily lives and holds weight for me.
i want to buy a new notebook. with crisp pages. a black cover. i miss handwriting every thing. i miss writing in general. i miss studying words, analyzing themes, researching. i miss academia. i miss falling deeply and soundly in love with a book.
looking for a house is more work than i expected. as our time here gets closer to an end, i feel a bit of pressure to find a structure in which to call home. i know what i'm looking for. but it's just finding it. and feeling like i could live there, dance across the hardwood floors, make love in the rooms, cook dinners there, raise babies. there is a lot to take into consideration. there is a lot of money that i'm scared to become indebted to. there is also the finalization of buying house that scares me. the settling of one place. i complain about having to move so much, but then the thought of staying here for enough time for us not to loose money makes me wary.
my mom asked me yesterday whether i'd rather go to ireland and scotland or a family cruise. i feel like i should say family cruise so we can all go, but i think i want ireland and scotland with just my mom. just something for us to always look back on. besides when it comes down to it, i prefer cool rainy weather to hot sunny beaches. i've dreamt of going there for a long long time. probably since my grammy passed. i wonder what it will be like to see family over there. i wonder if i will find parts of myself in their faces.
i should shower and run to the store. for fage yogurt. strawberries. as i say this, heavy rain just started. i'm taking it as a sign to stay home and relax. just listen to the rain and enjoy it.