Broken Heart...
Saturday My boyfriend broke up wit me.
I constantly feel like i want to die.
I constantly feel like im dying inside.
I loved him, i really really loved him,
I've been crying now for 3 days. I cant help it. I really wish it would stop. But everytime i think of him and what we've been through.. it kills me to know that its no more. Infact, im crying right now while writing this. Im so pathetic. Im terribly pathetic. I wish i would juss stop crying. I know this is really bad and wrong to say, but i wish i could juss stop loving him so much. If i didnt love him as much, then it wouldnt this bad.
He was there for me when no one else was.
He cared for me and loved me in a way no one else did.
He constantly gave me compliments, and constantly told me he loved me.
He went through a lot of stuff with me. - We went through a lot of stuff together.
He was my number 1.
He broke my heart.
Now all i could think about is, i hope he doesnt find someone else for a while, atleast until im numb from this heartbreak.
I hope he will realize he made a mistake, and want to be with me. I hope he will see what we had, and that it CAN be fixed. If 2 people truly love each other, then it CAN be fixed. I hope he will one day wake up and realize that I was good to him, and that i was his number 1. I hope that im the only number 1 he will ever have. I hope he will miss me as much as im missing him. I hope he DOES miss me as much as i miss him. He still loves me. He says he still loves me. And the sad thing is, i believe him. I believe he didnt mean to hurt me, or break my heart. He keeps saying hes sorry, and he didnt mean to hurt me that much, or break my heart... and i believe him.
I can see in his eyes that he still wants to be with me. But sometimes as much as people want to be with each other, they cant becuase they're afraid of getting hurt again. And i hope hes not afraid, becuause i would never ever hurt him agian, if i did at all. I would never hurt him- period. And its terrible when something like that happens. You cant make yourself happy without hurting someone else.
From all of this i've become very thoughtful and careful in the things i say and do. I become very apologetic towards Dan and our realtionship. I juss wanna say that im sorry for everytime i made you go home, i didnt want you to... but i went through with it anyway. Im sorry for everytime we hung up on a bad note, and im sorry for everytime i hung up on you. Im sorry for yelling so much, and im juss so sorry. Im sorry we cant have what we did. I want to, i want to more than i want life... but, well... its your choice now.
Its so terrible to have something you've loved so much- gone. It hurts... its a never ending pain. We are spending this comming weekend apart for the first time in 36 weekends, i think it was. Its going to be really really hard for me. Maybe not for him, but for me- it will kill me. But i will deal with it. And after this weekend im hoping- he will realize that he made a really big mistake in letting me walk away.
Im done now. I cant bear to think of this anymore.. it hurts way too much. And even if we dont get back together... we are still friends. And i can do that... i know i can. So not this weekend, but the weekend after that... the 13th of Friday and prolly the 14th of Saturday, Dan and i will hang out as friends... maybe more... maybe not. He "doesnt no yet."
...Whats wrong with trying one more time...
I believe his answer was... "everything..."