Things I Hate about Fanfic
Let me first begin by saying I love fanfic. It’s not my guiltiest pleasure, but it’s one of my favorites. There’s nothing like reading a well-written fic to fill in the blanks left by your favorite show. And who doesn’t like smut…? But there are some really unconscionable things I see going down in fanfic, and I’d like to get them off my chest:
1. Misspelling the names of regular series characters. In this day and age of closed captioning and search functions, there’s just no excuse for this. Even a casual perusal of FOX’s official House site will inform you Lisa Edelstein’s character’s name is “Cuddy,” not “Cutty.” After six seasons, you should be getting this right, people.
2. The overuse of given names. Having House casually call Cuddy “Lisa” or Cal nonchalantly saying “Gillian,” “Gill,” “Gilly,” “Gilly-old girl,” “Gilly-bear,” “Gilly-bean,” “Gilly-Billy-Whack-a-Dilly” or any other wtf? cutesy nickname effectively amounts to replacing everything afterward with a line reading, “Ignore me. I’m going OOC.” Here’s a good rule of thumb… If they don’t do it on the show, unless it’s the result of something momentous, don’t do it in your fic, either.
3. Interrupting the flow of the story by quoting lyrics (usually from shitty pop songs no one will remember a few years from now, anyway) every few paragraphs. There’s a reason why epigraphs go at the beginning-because a) otherwise they’re too obtrusive and distract from the story, b) repeatedly reminding me of a song I loathe may not be the best thing for your fic, c) if you’re that heavily dependent on quoted material, maybe you really don’t have anything to say, or d) all the above. (Hint: The answer is “d) all the above.”)
4. There’s no excuse for bad grammar or poor spelling. We all make mistakes, but a story isn’t some quick, off-the-top-of-your-head post for your buddies on LiveJournal… or at least it’s not supposed to be. Proofreading is your friend. If the two of you are estranged, try stepping out with a beta.
5. Exchanging comments for chapters. Maybe it’s just my prickly nature, but whenever I read an author’s note promising to post more chapters of a WIP only if (x) amount of comments are received, I get rather annoyed. Either you have a story to tell or you don’t, regardless of comments. Don’t be such a needy bitch attempt to hold readers hostage. Fandom doesn't negotiate with terrorists.
Okay, I feel better now. I think I’ll go take a nap.