Sadness and Frustration
Sadness. My boyfriend left for basic yesterday. I know it sounds lame and that I shouldn't be as sad. But I am. I have to try not to think about him being gone. Because if I think about it then I can't breathe. Then I cry. And I don't want to be the pathetic girlfriend that cries for days because she can't see her boyfriend. I am not clingy. I don't want to be. I hate clingy. But I hate this. I hate not being able to breathe and I'm tired of crying already. And even thought he left yesterday, all of this really hit me and started this morning. I guess it was because I knew he was still in the state. So he was semi-close, even if I could not see him. And now he's in Texas. Far away. And I can't see him. And I won't be able to talk to him. And, well, I really miss him already. I think if I just keep in mind that I can get the opportunity to see him in late July if I can save up the money to go (and I will) then I'll be okay. But right now I can't breathe. And no amount of inhaler use is going to fix this.
Frustration. I hate it when people have problems with me and don't talk to me about it. I just found out that apparently I really pissed off one of my friends last weekend. It was a while ago, I know. Why should I even care at this point? Because I just found out today, over livejournal. apparently, I pissed her off enough to rant about me on livejournal, but not enough for her to talk to me about it. Sorry? No, wait. I'm not sorry. Because I don't even know what I said to make her so mad. I can't help it. Sometimes I have no filter between my brain and my mouth. But, honestly, I doubt it was even one of those times. It's much more likely that it was some random comment that wasn't meant to be offensive at all that she just took the wrong way. Because that's what she does sometimes. And we've been talking off and on about sharing a room, a very small room, so that I don't have to kill my family living with them all this summer. Here's why it's off and on: Every time I seriously consider it, she does something like this and randomly gets mad for no reason. Or at least no logical reason. Sorry, but I'm not living with someone like that. I've done it once already, and I placated to her and walked on eggshells. And I utterly refuse to do that ever again. But if five people in a trailer makes you mad and makes you feel like you have no space, then Hell no I am not moving in with you. Let alone sharing a room with you. And by the way, she can escape. She has her own room that she can go to and just close the door and be away from everyone. So, stop bitching. You know exactly who you are and, honestly, I hope you read this. And I kind of hope it pisses you off. Because I am doing exactly what you did. With one exception: I have enough decency not to put your name so that total strangers don't immediately have a negative attitude towards you, even when they don't know you. Thanks, by the way. So, screw you. I'd rather deal with my idiot brother all summer. And also, screw you again. You don't know what I'm going through. Get over it. We had to deal with your boyfriend, so you can deal with mine for five seconds every once in a while when we actually see you, when you're not hiding out in your room. And what's worse is that you have been completely ignoring my pain for the last two days, even though I have been hiding out at your house the whole time. Especially today, when you were actually around and I was really upset and about to cry. Whenever I tried to talk about it, you ignore me and somehow make the conversation about yourself. You're a great friend. I appreciate everything you've done for me lately. Screw you and stop whining.
Frustration. I hate it when people have problems with me and don't talk to me about it. I just found out that apparently I really pissed off one of my friends last weekend. It was a while ago, I know. Why should I even care at this point? Because I just found out today, over livejournal. apparently, I pissed her off enough to rant about me on livejournal, but not enough for her to talk to me about it. Sorry? No, wait. I'm not sorry. Because I don't even know what I said to make her so mad. I can't help it. Sometimes I have no filter between my brain and my mouth. But, honestly, I doubt it was even one of those times. It's much more likely that it was some random comment that wasn't meant to be offensive at all that she just took the wrong way. Because that's what she does sometimes. And we've been talking off and on about sharing a room, a very small room, so that I don't have to kill my family living with them all this summer. Here's why it's off and on: Every time I seriously consider it, she does something like this and randomly gets mad for no reason. Or at least no logical reason. Sorry, but I'm not living with someone like that. I've done it once already, and I placated to her and walked on eggshells. And I utterly refuse to do that ever again. But if five people in a trailer makes you mad and makes you feel like you have no space, then Hell no I am not moving in with you. Let alone sharing a room with you. And by the way, she can escape. She has her own room that she can go to and just close the door and be away from everyone. So, stop bitching. You know exactly who you are and, honestly, I hope you read this. And I kind of hope it pisses you off. Because I am doing exactly what you did. With one exception: I have enough decency not to put your name so that total strangers don't immediately have a negative attitude towards you, even when they don't know you. Thanks, by the way. So, screw you. I'd rather deal with my idiot brother all summer. And also, screw you again. You don't know what I'm going through. Get over it. We had to deal with your boyfriend, so you can deal with mine for five seconds every once in a while when we actually see you, when you're not hiding out in your room. And what's worse is that you have been completely ignoring my pain for the last two days, even though I have been hiding out at your house the whole time. Especially today, when you were actually around and I was really upset and about to cry. Whenever I tried to talk about it, you ignore me and somehow make the conversation about yourself. You're a great friend. I appreciate everything you've done for me lately. Screw you and stop whining.