hm =/
i'm glad i'm moving. i feel more confidant now of that statement than i was a week ago. the things here need to be left behind - and stay behind. there are things i will miss and a FEW people i will miss. but the majority of people i crossed paths with never knew the real me and would never know me no matter how hard they tried. it's just not my cup of tea. college life. being unruly and wild. doing spur of the moment things. i just don't belong here. i never have.
i'm kinda bummed. had a small going away party tonight with folks that have been a major part of cassie and my life. saw all that were invited besides joe, mike, and patrick. oh, and derik. but we both knew we weren't important enough for him to travel for. most of the people left to go to another party, which, you know - i knew would happen. i guess a part of me wanted people to stay late and have silly talks at 3am and share memories and sip champagne. but i guess there aren't that many memories to share. i have kelly and jake to hold close even though our relationship has been sparse lately. and gia will always have nemo. gah.... now i'm getting teary. i'm gonna miss them so much. and just as i get to know meredith and mike who are two amazingly intelligent, funny, and inventive people - i'm leaving. i guess there are things i'll miss. but i'll never miss the discouragement i've felt for these past 3 years of not finding anyone to connect to. maybe it was all a mistake. maybe if i had stayed in ocala matt and i would still be together. possibly married. maybe if i had gone off to auburn, i would be pursuing musical theatre like i had always planned. maybe all of this has been a dream. wake up, marcy. wake up. no - i'm still here. for one last week.
i'm also bummed because i'm going to be packing on my birthday and we were all going to celebrate my birthday on the 4th after we move with dinner out on the town in atlanta (my folks, me and cassie). and tonight cassie tells me that she's not going to move friday with me. she's going to stay another day here for a going away party. i was like... uh, isn't that what tonight was supposed to be?" and she said that there are too many people she wants to say goodbye to. SO WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO IT ON OUR MOVING DAY?!?!?!?!?! *sigh* it's like.... nothing ever goes my way. ever. so my first night in atlanta i'll be spending alone. in a shell of an apartment. on my birthday.
i'm just..... meh. i want to fall asleep and wake up on my wedding day with someone to hold and family and friends all around. smiles and excitement. a career and a plan for life. success. happiness. my happiness.
i'm kinda bummed. had a small going away party tonight with folks that have been a major part of cassie and my life. saw all that were invited besides joe, mike, and patrick. oh, and derik. but we both knew we weren't important enough for him to travel for. most of the people left to go to another party, which, you know - i knew would happen. i guess a part of me wanted people to stay late and have silly talks at 3am and share memories and sip champagne. but i guess there aren't that many memories to share. i have kelly and jake to hold close even though our relationship has been sparse lately. and gia will always have nemo. gah.... now i'm getting teary. i'm gonna miss them so much. and just as i get to know meredith and mike who are two amazingly intelligent, funny, and inventive people - i'm leaving. i guess there are things i'll miss. but i'll never miss the discouragement i've felt for these past 3 years of not finding anyone to connect to. maybe it was all a mistake. maybe if i had stayed in ocala matt and i would still be together. possibly married. maybe if i had gone off to auburn, i would be pursuing musical theatre like i had always planned. maybe all of this has been a dream. wake up, marcy. wake up. no - i'm still here. for one last week.
i'm also bummed because i'm going to be packing on my birthday and we were all going to celebrate my birthday on the 4th after we move with dinner out on the town in atlanta (my folks, me and cassie). and tonight cassie tells me that she's not going to move friday with me. she's going to stay another day here for a going away party. i was like... uh, isn't that what tonight was supposed to be?" and she said that there are too many people she wants to say goodbye to. SO WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO IT ON OUR MOVING DAY?!?!?!?!?! *sigh* it's like.... nothing ever goes my way. ever. so my first night in atlanta i'll be spending alone. in a shell of an apartment. on my birthday.
i'm just..... meh. i want to fall asleep and wake up on my wedding day with someone to hold and family and friends all around. smiles and excitement. a career and a plan for life. success. happiness. my happiness.