Not worth reading
Which is worse... giving up something that means the world to you? or realizing it never meant the same on the other end?
So life lately is so odd. I can't even begin to tell you. Immediately after I typed that however, I realized that its not my life that's odd, but ME- simply put.
Last weekend, I went to 3 shows in 3 nights. Handcrafted friday, Greeley saturday, and The Format sunday. It was soooo pleasant to get to hang with my friends I haven't seen in a while. Then off to Uncle Bear's Karaoke late night Sunday. You never know what's gonna happen.
Last night was YL Photo Scavenger Hunt... you can see pics on a ton of people's journals. Somehow, my face is distorted in almost every one though!
I had 2 finals today. I feel moderate success. But mostly, I just want to be done. I'm a Senior now? Can you believe it? Wasn't I supposed to grow up somewhere in these years? One more to go tomorrow afternoon.
I spent great quality time today with the roomies. Went to lunch with Mags and Savan. Went to dinner and a movie with Savan, Esco, Kris, Kirk, Casey, Dan, and Sean. Its good to feel like you have friends even when you've pushed them away.
I really really wish I could go home Sunday. I want to meet Caleb. I want to see Kathy. I want to see my friend John, home from NY for the weekend. But nope, annE's working the freakin peach festival. At least I'll have $100 and get to hang with friends.
These past couple weeks have been super hard for me... as most of you know by now. So much is going on inside my head. So much is happening around me. I feel bad being so private about things, but I just can't seem to articulate any of my thoughts in a reasonable manner.
On top of that, in the recent days, I've felt my heart BREAK for some extremely close friends of mine. Some of the greatest people I know are hurting so much more than they let on. Its hard because even though I can be an ass to everyone at one time or another, I do care about my friends/family beyond anything- including myself. I want to be the hero and make it all better, but I'm not the person they should be leaning to.
The hardest part of it all is that ultimately I've sacrificed my closest, longest, deepest friendship in recent weeks. I can't even begin to tell you how difficult it is to go from talking to one person every day of your life and then feeling as though you may never share your thoughts again. Its almost like mourning something. So like I said, I don't know what hurts more- knowing you gave up something that meant the world to you- or knowing that it never meant the same to them?
It comes down to my desperate plea for strength and hope. My prayer for the people that I love to see the good in their surroundings. And protection from everything that pulls me away from being the woman I was intend and want to be.
Off to study.
I miss you.
So life lately is so odd. I can't even begin to tell you. Immediately after I typed that however, I realized that its not my life that's odd, but ME- simply put.
Last weekend, I went to 3 shows in 3 nights. Handcrafted friday, Greeley saturday, and The Format sunday. It was soooo pleasant to get to hang with my friends I haven't seen in a while. Then off to Uncle Bear's Karaoke late night Sunday. You never know what's gonna happen.
Last night was YL Photo Scavenger Hunt... you can see pics on a ton of people's journals. Somehow, my face is distorted in almost every one though!
I had 2 finals today. I feel moderate success. But mostly, I just want to be done. I'm a Senior now? Can you believe it? Wasn't I supposed to grow up somewhere in these years? One more to go tomorrow afternoon.
I spent great quality time today with the roomies. Went to lunch with Mags and Savan. Went to dinner and a movie with Savan, Esco, Kris, Kirk, Casey, Dan, and Sean. Its good to feel like you have friends even when you've pushed them away.
I really really wish I could go home Sunday. I want to meet Caleb. I want to see Kathy. I want to see my friend John, home from NY for the weekend. But nope, annE's working the freakin peach festival. At least I'll have $100 and get to hang with friends.
These past couple weeks have been super hard for me... as most of you know by now. So much is going on inside my head. So much is happening around me. I feel bad being so private about things, but I just can't seem to articulate any of my thoughts in a reasonable manner.
On top of that, in the recent days, I've felt my heart BREAK for some extremely close friends of mine. Some of the greatest people I know are hurting so much more than they let on. Its hard because even though I can be an ass to everyone at one time or another, I do care about my friends/family beyond anything- including myself. I want to be the hero and make it all better, but I'm not the person they should be leaning to.
The hardest part of it all is that ultimately I've sacrificed my closest, longest, deepest friendship in recent weeks. I can't even begin to tell you how difficult it is to go from talking to one person every day of your life and then feeling as though you may never share your thoughts again. Its almost like mourning something. So like I said, I don't know what hurts more- knowing you gave up something that meant the world to you- or knowing that it never meant the same to them?
It comes down to my desperate plea for strength and hope. My prayer for the people that I love to see the good in their surroundings. And protection from everything that pulls me away from being the woman I was intend and want to be.
Off to study.
I miss you.