(no subject)
Early post, because I'm going to be busy today and LJ is going to be down anyway. There is talk about funerals ahead, so if you don't want to read this (I know several people on my flist are going through some tough times right now), skip it.
The OTT thread on funerals made me think about funerals and weddings, so that's what I feel like posting about. At 21 years old, I have very little experience with either, partly because I haven't had time, and partly because my parents seem to hate the things. I have the most confused view on weddings, because we only go to them if they're for a close relative or a really, really close friend (Jessica's is the only non-family wedding I can remember my family going to, and let's face it, she's family). We always skip the wedding and go straight to the reception. I once asked an Internet forum about this, because I thought it was weird, and a couple people told me that it was rude. I don't know if it is or not (I know lots of other people do this, so maybe it's acceptable around here), but I feel like I've been deprived of weddings. The two I've attended (Krissy's and Jessica's) have been lots of fun! I love the symbolism and the tradition and the emotions... My mother says they're boring, but maybe she's been to too many long Catholic weddings.
We don't go to funerals either, but that's because my mother gets really choked up, worse than any of the immediate family. She just goes to the calling hours, where she also cries, but it's less disruptive. The only funeral I've ever been to was for Jessica's grandmother (see the pattern here? Definitely family). I was around twelve when I went to my first calling hours (for a sibling of my grandfather). My grandmother, upon realizing this, freaked out and was like "You mean this is the first time she's going to see a dead body?" Thanks, Grandma. I've been to a lot of calling hours since them (the majority of them for Grandpa's siblings--he's one of twelve), and I'm generally okay with them. I'm still conflicted with the idea of children at these things--most of the ones I've been to have only had one or two children there, and I'm always shocked to see them. I was surprised at how many of the stories in the OTT thread had to do with kids saying embarrassing things. I guess in my family children just don't go to serious services like weddings and funerals, unless its for very close relatives, and it just seems weird and uncomfortable for me to picture a kid at a thing like that, since I've never witnessed it and my parents completely sheltered me from that part of life when I was young. In a way, I resent that. Jenny's death was really hard on me (Jessica's sister--I know, I know, stop talking about this family already), and I wonder if I would have dealt with it better if I'd been allowed to go to the calling hours or funeral. Some sort of closure would have been nice. It didn't really hit me until we invited their family over to the house to go swimming a few weeks later, and she wasn't with them. Maybe taking part in the mourning would have helped, or maybe it would have screwed me up. I really was too young to go to a funeral (seven), but my parents tried to shelter me from everything involved, which was a bit much. Neither of them even cried in front of me. I asked my mom about it later, and she said that she just cried in private so we wouldn't see her. They never sat us down and talked to us about death, and our church was crap at teaching serious topics to kids, so I went through a sort of spiritual crisis at seven years old and tried to figure it all out on my own.
So, um, I don't know where I'm going with this post. I guess I just wish I would have had more life experience when I was young because I feel totally lost about these social events now. I panicked at least twice at Jessica's wedding (once when the usher took my arm to seat us--what the heck? People still do that? I can walk by myself, thank you--and once when we had to congratulate the couple and I no flipping clue what to say or whether I should hug Kevin), and I wish I could have observed other weddings so I'd know how to behave at one as an adult. And I guess I wish my parents had been better role models for me where death etiquette is concerned, but I can't blame them for that--no one really knows what to do in that kind of situation. But I wish Jenny's death had been handled differently. I don't know what I would have wanted them to do--no one in my family, including me, is good about talking about things--but I was too young to have to deal with those kinds of emotions on my own, and I wish there had been someone there to help me out. At least I had Leigha (schoolmate and mutual friend of Jessica's), but I think we bounced our fears off of each other just as much as we comforted each other.
And thus ends your depressing post of the day. Enjoy your lj downtime!
Edit: I forgot to mention my biggest (and completely non-serious) pet peeve involving my mother and weddings/funerals. Because my mother is used to just going to receptions and calling hours, she calls them "weddings" and "funerals." I fell for it every time as a kid: :D "Yay! I'm going to a wedding! A real wedding!" and then we'd end up at a reception hall and I'd be like :( "You lied to me, Mother." And if I had to get an extension on homework because I had to spend an evening out of town for calling hours I'd tell my teachers I was going to a funeral because that's what my mom told me and then I'd feel like a liar when I ended up at calling hours. I don't care that we're not going to weddings and funerals, Mom, just use precise English! They have different words for a reason!
The OTT thread on funerals made me think about funerals and weddings, so that's what I feel like posting about. At 21 years old, I have very little experience with either, partly because I haven't had time, and partly because my parents seem to hate the things. I have the most confused view on weddings, because we only go to them if they're for a close relative or a really, really close friend (Jessica's is the only non-family wedding I can remember my family going to, and let's face it, she's family). We always skip the wedding and go straight to the reception. I once asked an Internet forum about this, because I thought it was weird, and a couple people told me that it was rude. I don't know if it is or not (I know lots of other people do this, so maybe it's acceptable around here), but I feel like I've been deprived of weddings. The two I've attended (Krissy's and Jessica's) have been lots of fun! I love the symbolism and the tradition and the emotions... My mother says they're boring, but maybe she's been to too many long Catholic weddings.
We don't go to funerals either, but that's because my mother gets really choked up, worse than any of the immediate family. She just goes to the calling hours, where she also cries, but it's less disruptive. The only funeral I've ever been to was for Jessica's grandmother (see the pattern here? Definitely family). I was around twelve when I went to my first calling hours (for a sibling of my grandfather). My grandmother, upon realizing this, freaked out and was like "You mean this is the first time she's going to see a dead body?" Thanks, Grandma. I've been to a lot of calling hours since them (the majority of them for Grandpa's siblings--he's one of twelve), and I'm generally okay with them. I'm still conflicted with the idea of children at these things--most of the ones I've been to have only had one or two children there, and I'm always shocked to see them. I was surprised at how many of the stories in the OTT thread had to do with kids saying embarrassing things. I guess in my family children just don't go to serious services like weddings and funerals, unless its for very close relatives, and it just seems weird and uncomfortable for me to picture a kid at a thing like that, since I've never witnessed it and my parents completely sheltered me from that part of life when I was young. In a way, I resent that. Jenny's death was really hard on me (Jessica's sister--I know, I know, stop talking about this family already), and I wonder if I would have dealt with it better if I'd been allowed to go to the calling hours or funeral. Some sort of closure would have been nice. It didn't really hit me until we invited their family over to the house to go swimming a few weeks later, and she wasn't with them. Maybe taking part in the mourning would have helped, or maybe it would have screwed me up. I really was too young to go to a funeral (seven), but my parents tried to shelter me from everything involved, which was a bit much. Neither of them even cried in front of me. I asked my mom about it later, and she said that she just cried in private so we wouldn't see her. They never sat us down and talked to us about death, and our church was crap at teaching serious topics to kids, so I went through a sort of spiritual crisis at seven years old and tried to figure it all out on my own.
So, um, I don't know where I'm going with this post. I guess I just wish I would have had more life experience when I was young because I feel totally lost about these social events now. I panicked at least twice at Jessica's wedding (once when the usher took my arm to seat us--what the heck? People still do that? I can walk by myself, thank you--and once when we had to congratulate the couple and I no flipping clue what to say or whether I should hug Kevin), and I wish I could have observed other weddings so I'd know how to behave at one as an adult. And I guess I wish my parents had been better role models for me where death etiquette is concerned, but I can't blame them for that--no one really knows what to do in that kind of situation. But I wish Jenny's death had been handled differently. I don't know what I would have wanted them to do--no one in my family, including me, is good about talking about things--but I was too young to have to deal with those kinds of emotions on my own, and I wish there had been someone there to help me out. At least I had Leigha (schoolmate and mutual friend of Jessica's), but I think we bounced our fears off of each other just as much as we comforted each other.
And thus ends your depressing post of the day. Enjoy your lj downtime!
Edit: I forgot to mention my biggest (and completely non-serious) pet peeve involving my mother and weddings/funerals. Because my mother is used to just going to receptions and calling hours, she calls them "weddings" and "funerals." I fell for it every time as a kid: :D "Yay! I'm going to a wedding! A real wedding!" and then we'd end up at a reception hall and I'd be like :( "You lied to me, Mother." And if I had to get an extension on homework because I had to spend an evening out of town for calling hours I'd tell my teachers I was going to a funeral because that's what my mom told me and then I'd feel like a liar when I ended up at calling hours. I don't care that we're not going to weddings and funerals, Mom, just use precise English! They have different words for a reason!