More thoughts of Letter from Masanjia
It's strange to say that the thing that I did not expect from this documentary was how raw it laid out the pain of the people involved. It's a documentary about the persecution under the brutal Chinese Communist Party, so duh, pain. Except I realized a lot of the documentaries I've watched about persecution, and I watch a lot of documentaries on persecution, on gulags, killing fields, concentration camps, genocide, etc. they show persecution and enormous suffering, but rarely do I watch the actual raw pain of an individual.
I knew from reviews and interviews I read before watching this documentary that Sun Yi retained his humanity and kindness despite immense suffering. I knew he had a big heart and enormous courage. His courage is something that needs to commented on. That tiny frail looking man had balls of steel. He did not crack under torture and afterwards still risk his life, he actually INSISTED on working to do things to expose the persecution of people under the Chinese government. I don't know where he got that courage, but wow, do I admire it. So I knew I was going to watch his big heart and enormous courage.
I did not expect to see his pain though. That's what got to me. This is not an Echo Tolle / Epictetus / Albert Ellis practice of stoicism that says even through the worse of life, one can find tranquility and not suffer. Oh, Sun Yi suffered and you can see the pain written all over his face. I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking of the quiet pain on his face. That just made it more relatable, more moving, more real, and more courageous. To hurt that much and not lose your humanity is amazing. He wasn't superman, above pain and suffering and emotions. He bled, felt guilt, gratitude, doubt, and fear, and stayed human.
I realize that in my healing during the last few months I've been trying to rise above suffering, to get to a point where no matter what happens to me in life, it doesn't hurt me. I wanted to be a spiritual superwoman, lady Jesus I guess (lol), and failing at all it so I gave it up for the last month. I did not know how to stop things from hurting me.
Watching this documentary reminded me that it was okay to feel hurt. It was okay to experience pain. What is important is that I don't lose my humanity throughout it.
I knew from reviews and interviews I read before watching this documentary that Sun Yi retained his humanity and kindness despite immense suffering. I knew he had a big heart and enormous courage. His courage is something that needs to commented on. That tiny frail looking man had balls of steel. He did not crack under torture and afterwards still risk his life, he actually INSISTED on working to do things to expose the persecution of people under the Chinese government. I don't know where he got that courage, but wow, do I admire it. So I knew I was going to watch his big heart and enormous courage.
I did not expect to see his pain though. That's what got to me. This is not an Echo Tolle / Epictetus / Albert Ellis practice of stoicism that says even through the worse of life, one can find tranquility and not suffer. Oh, Sun Yi suffered and you can see the pain written all over his face. I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking of the quiet pain on his face. That just made it more relatable, more moving, more real, and more courageous. To hurt that much and not lose your humanity is amazing. He wasn't superman, above pain and suffering and emotions. He bled, felt guilt, gratitude, doubt, and fear, and stayed human.
I realize that in my healing during the last few months I've been trying to rise above suffering, to get to a point where no matter what happens to me in life, it doesn't hurt me. I wanted to be a spiritual superwoman, lady Jesus I guess (lol), and failing at all it so I gave it up for the last month. I did not know how to stop things from hurting me.
Watching this documentary reminded me that it was okay to feel hurt. It was okay to experience pain. What is important is that I don't lose my humanity throughout it.