(no subject)
Well I figured I haven't Up-Updated lately... so I figured I'd be nice to myself and let my story of the past few days slip though the fingers of the oh so fucked up me...
Hrm well nothing much has happened.. except I was on the phone to Alex on Sunday night.. and I gues.. he made me extremely happy.. yet why Didn't it feel alright? I was over joied/ Joyed (SPELLING?) that he had called me... Yet.. it just didn't feel alright... so I pretended everything was alright which it wasn't... and he left and me being stupid cassie... ended up cutting... not only did I break a promise to ali.. I broke a promise to myself... I'm pathetic... and that Just proved it...
So I did that.. and because I forgot to breathe for 10 seconds in and out... I kept going... and going and going... and stupid me... forgot its still sharp... so I ended up cutting beyond my 50 bracelets... which I hide my scars/cuts ect... and so now jumper time... joy... I guess thats ok considering its cold... but.. heres the weird thing.. the other night when I cut really really deep and passed out... my mum came in that very morning to wake me up... my blood rag was on me... covered in blood... and the razor was right next to me... she didn't say nothing....
When we were driving in the car... I accidently put my hand up... and the cut was fully showing and she looked at me even... and didn't say jack shit... and its fully freaking me out.. cause last time she found out she freaked and striped me naked... now she looks at it and doesnt say shit...
This morning I was feeling suicidal and shit as per normal... but this was worse.. I dreamnt all night about my death er shall I say deaths... it was like a reoccuring dream... but it wasn't... It was different ways of me dying... but all at the same date and at the same time... it freaked me out... big time... fuck... I have no idea why I am still here...
Cassie
Hrm well nothing much has happened.. except I was on the phone to Alex on Sunday night.. and I gues.. he made me extremely happy.. yet why Didn't it feel alright? I was over joied/ Joyed (SPELLING?) that he had called me... Yet.. it just didn't feel alright... so I pretended everything was alright which it wasn't... and he left and me being stupid cassie... ended up cutting... not only did I break a promise to ali.. I broke a promise to myself... I'm pathetic... and that Just proved it...
So I did that.. and because I forgot to breathe for 10 seconds in and out... I kept going... and going and going... and stupid me... forgot its still sharp... so I ended up cutting beyond my 50 bracelets... which I hide my scars/cuts ect... and so now jumper time... joy... I guess thats ok considering its cold... but.. heres the weird thing.. the other night when I cut really really deep and passed out... my mum came in that very morning to wake me up... my blood rag was on me... covered in blood... and the razor was right next to me... she didn't say nothing....
When we were driving in the car... I accidently put my hand up... and the cut was fully showing and she looked at me even... and didn't say jack shit... and its fully freaking me out.. cause last time she found out she freaked and striped me naked... now she looks at it and doesnt say shit...
This morning I was feeling suicidal and shit as per normal... but this was worse.. I dreamnt all night about my death er shall I say deaths... it was like a reoccuring dream... but it wasn't... It was different ways of me dying... but all at the same date and at the same time... it freaked me out... big time... fuck... I have no idea why I am still here...
Cassie