Well, I haven't had the will to write about this yet but I thought maybe here would be okay.
I think I cried more in these last few weeks than I have in five years. It's still not better. The usual things I've done to forget aren't helping me here. All I keep thinking about are snatches of conversation and I keep relieving them over and over again. My mind tells me :: I should've made more time, I should've pushed harder to see her, I wasn't a good enough friend and I keep staring at old text messages like they can make some sense to everything that's happen. They don't. Nothing makes sense here.
I tried to make it up to her by staying with her in that room for as long as I could. Even though, I thought we lost her within those first few days. And if I hadn't gotten sick this past winter and saw what that did to her, I wouldn't have made the effort to actually eat and take care of myself during those days. It was so hard to actually make the effort. And I think what hurts most is leaving for lunch because she would nag me
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I think I cried more in these last few weeks than I have in five years. It's still not better. The usual things I've done to forget aren't helping me here. All I keep thinking about are snatches of conversation and I keep relieving them over and over again. My mind tells me :: I should've made more time, I should've pushed harder to see her, I wasn't a good enough friend and I keep staring at old text messages like they can make some sense to everything that's happen. They don't. Nothing makes sense here.
I tried to make it up to her by staying with her in that room for as long as I could. Even though, I thought we lost her within those first few days. And if I hadn't gotten sick this past winter and saw what that did to her, I wouldn't have made the effort to actually eat and take care of myself during those days. It was so hard to actually make the effort. And I think what hurts most is leaving for lunch because she would nag me ( ... )
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