totally pointless rant about a shitty chain letter/email I got
I received an email today, one of those shitty chain letters, and I’ve decided to pick it apart. So if you want to read a rant about chain letters click on the link below…
> Subject: Oh my goodness!!!!!
>
> Dear Friends:A few years ago at a high school in Nevada Something really sad
> happened. There was this girl named Amy who loved this guy named Brian. They
> were both popular and they were going out. There was this other girl,
> Jessica. She Hated Amy and she also really liked Brian and Brian liked
> Jessica. One day, when Brian and Amy were going out Jessica asked Brian out
> to the movies behind Amy's back. However, Amy heard about it and followed
> them. In the theaters and Brian weren't watching the moving, they were just
> "making out." Jesse asked Brian to go to her house about half way through
> the movie so that they could be alone. Amy followed them to Jesse's house
> and watched them "fool around." The next day, Amy didn't come to school and
> she didn't come to school the day after that. After about a week, Amy's Mom
> was looking around Amy's room and found, in the closet the dead body of Amy
> and next to it was a suicide not that said:Dear Brian:I killed myself
> because of you. I want you to tell everyone you can about what you did to me
> or I will kill you and anyom=ne who stands in my way of telling everyone
> about Jessica!I love you,Amanda Now you have to send this to at least 15
> people or the vengeful ghost of Amy will kill YOU! Amy has to tell everyone
> about what Jessica did! This is serious! One girl, a friend of mine deleted
> this because she thought it was junkman. The next day, her mother found her
> dead in her bed and the autopsy revealed no possible explanation for her
> death. You have 24 Hours to send this out
I’m going to type this out again with correct grammar, spelling, and even adding in words and names where you missed them out, also with some back chat in just beacause! M’kay, here goes...
Dear friends:
WTF? I’ve never met you before in my life. And if I did, I wouldn’t be your friend because you send shit like this out!
A few years ago at a high school in Nevada, something really sad happen.
Sorry to butt in again, but come on, the first sentence is supposed to grab your attention. Something really sad happened? Oh, dear, I’m sorry, do I look like I give a shit? ‘A few years ago in Nevada, a high school drama hit the news. No, it wasn’t the annual musical the drama club put on for the entertainment of other kids, it was a suicide.’
There was this girl named Amy who loved this guy named Brian. They were both popular and they were going out
Right, first off, I know that it’s going to be a girl if she’s called Amy, you moron. Same goes with Brian. But again, it’s boring. Why not have, ‘The two most popular people in the school year, Amy and Brian, were, predictably, going out’?
There was this other girl, Jessica. She Hated Amy and she also really liked Brian and Brian liked Jessica.
If he likes her back, why not dump Amy and go out with Jessica? It would save a lot of trouble (and murders) in the long run. Fuck you Brian, you’re gonna get me killed with your cheating ways. Again, it’s boringggg. Have a bit of variation in there! ‘But, Amy’s sworn enemy, Jessica was crushing on Brian. And surprisingly, Brian was harboring secret feelings for her too, he wouldn’t tell Amy that though!’ Come on, use your imagination.
One day, when Brian and Amy were going out Jessica asked Brian out to the movies behind Amy's back. However, Amy heard about it and followed them.
Oooo. Again, do I care?! No, I don’t, for any of you who couldn’t pick up on my sarcasm. Jeez, man. I do not give a fuck if Brian is cheating on Amy, I’m all for him doing it, if he doesn’t like her anymore (and lets face it; she’s suicidal and clingy, I wouldn’t put up with that shit), then it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t care either. I’m gonna put in another suggestion though. “Brian was a dick. Jessica asked him on a date and he agreed. Okay, who wouldn’t agree to go on a date with the second most prettiest girl in the school? The guy who’s dating the first prettiest girl in the school, that’s who. So Brian put his relationship on the line and accepted Jessica’s offer. Unfortunately though, Amy found out about their plans and decided to check up on them. Stalker.’
In the theaters and Brian weren't watching the moving, they were just "making out."
Just making out? God you make it sound as though it isn’t a crime to snog someone other than your girlfriend. I say, well done Brian. Another exciting suggestion for you. ‘Amy lurked in the background of the theater while Brian put his arm around Jessica. Soon, they were so close, they were almost making out. And then they were. Amy got pissed, how dare her boyfriend cheat on her with that slut?!'
Jesse asked Brian to go to her house about half way through the movie so that they could be alone. Amy followed them to Jesse's house and watched them "fool around."
Hold up. Who the fuck’s Jesse? Let me get this straight, Brian has a girlfriend called Amy, he goes on a date with another girl called Jessica, but then ends up going home with Jesse? Man, I have some admiration for that guy! So I’m going to be picky and say, stop changing the names of the fucking characters if you want me to pay any attention to this! Also, is it just me, or would you guys march in there and kick Jessica/Jesse’s butt for being all over your man? You wouldn’t watch them “fool around”, you’d fucking stop it! Suggestion: ‘Things were getting steamy between Jessica and Brian, and they decided to head over to Jessica’s empty house to carry on with the heated session. By this point, Amy was furious, but neither Jessica or Brian paid her any attention as they practically ran out of the theatre. Amy followed them without being noticed, and managed to hide in the bushes outside Jessica’s house. She had a clear view of the bedroom, and could see that things were getting heavy between her boyfriend and sworn enemy.’
The next day, Amy didn't come to school and she didn't come to school the day after that. After about a week, Amy's Mom was looking around Amy's room and found, in the closet the dead body of Amy and next to it was a suicide not that said:Dear Brian:I killed myself because of you. I want you to tell everyone you can about what you did to me or I will kill you and anyom=ne who stands in my way of telling everyone about Jessica!I love you,Amanda
Boring boring boring. Seriously. ‘she didn’t come to school the day after, or the day after, or the day after, blah blah fucking BLAH!!’ Come on! Give us something decent to read you wannabe fucked up loser. Also, why did it take Amy’s mum a week to find her? She’s been dead for ages woman, do you not care about your child, or are you one of those preppy mums who actually couldn’t give a fuck? In that case, surely the dire smell emanating from her room would be reason enough to go check how your daughter was? I’m not even going to comment on the spelling mistake, it makes the whole thing lose it’s(all ready none existent) scare factor. And again with the names! Who the fuck is Amanda?! Where’s she come from and why does she kill herself over Brian cheating on Amy? And why would Amy’s mum think that dead!Amanda was dead!Amy? Oh, Amanda is Amy? Well why didn’t you fucking say so you raving lunatic. Also, if I were Brian, I’d be like ‘the fuck did I do to make you kill yourself?’ And why, oh why, would you proclaim your love to someone you threaten to kill, in the same note?
Suggestion: Amy wasn’t seen over the next few days, her friends were starting to get worried. She wasn’t answering her cell phone, and lets face it, normally it was attached to the side of her head. Her mum thought she was going through a rebellious stage and didn’t want to talk to anyone, instead staying locked up in her room. Unfortunately, her mum wasn’t smart enough to go and ask her if that was what she was doing. So, a week later, when her mum had decided enough was enough, she entered the room to find Amy hanging from the beams in the room. Dead. On the wall by her bed was a note written in large writing, and by the looks of Amy’s wrists, it was her own blood smeared across it, spelling out the words,
Brian. I killed myself because of you, you pig face little shit. You will tell everyone about what you did to me or I will haunt you, driving you to suicide as well. If anyone else stops you from telling about Jessica, I’ll kill them too. I love you, but I hate you. Amy.
P.S Hi mum, sorry about the mess, do forgive me, I’m making a statement.
So I’m going to take the piss of my version as well, and say, did Amy think Brian would care about her enough to be the one to find her? Jeez, you should be so lucky, he has Jessica now. You’re old news.
Now you have to send this to at least 15 people or the vengeful ghost of Amy will kill YOU! Amy has to tell everyone about what Jessica did! This is serious! One girl, a friend of mine deleted this because she thought it was junkman. The next day, her mother found her dead in her bed and the autopsy revealed no possible explanation for her death. You have 24 Hours to send this out.
Ohh. Don’t kill me Amy! I’m so sorry your boyfriend cheated on you and what not, but really, it’s not my fault! What-the-fuck-ever dude, like I actually give a fuck if this Amy comes to kill me, saves God a job at the end of the day. And to the creator of this, if you’re friend really died of unknown causes, why are you typing a chain letter about it, instead of grieving? Get your fucking priorities right, you dick of a friend.
Anywho, I’m going to put a full version of my revamped email here =]
A few years ago in Nevada, a high school drama hit the news. No, it wasn’t the annual musical the drama club put on for the entertainment of other kids, it was a suicide. A rather heart-wrenching one at that. It started in the fall of ’04. The two most popular people in the school year, Amy and Brian, were, predictably, going out. But, unbeknownst to Amy, her sworn enemy, Jessica was crushing on Brian. And surprisingly, Brian was harboring secret feelings for her too, he wouldn’t tell Amy that though! However, at times Brian could be a real dick. Jessica asked him on a date and he agreed. Okay, who wouldn’t agree to go on a date with the second most prettiest girl in the school? The guy who’s dating the first prettiest girl in the school, that’s who. So Brian put his relationship on the line and accepted Jessica’s offer. Unfortunately though, Amy found out about their plans and decided to check up on them. Amy lurked in the back of the theater where Brian and Jessica had gone on their date. Brian put his arm around Jessica, and soon, they were so close, they were almost making out. And then they were. Amy got pissed, how dare her boyfriend cheat on her with that slut?! Things were getting steamy between Jessica and Brian, and they decided to head over to Jessica’s empty house to carry on with their heated session. By this point, Amy was furious, but neither Jessica nor Brian paid her any attention as they practically ran out of the theatre. Amy followed them without being noticed, and managed to hide in the bushes outside Jessica’s house. She had a clear view of the bedroom, and could see that things were getting heavy between her boyfriend and sworn enemy. Over the next few days, Amy wasn’t seen around school, and her friends were starting to get worried. She wasn’t answering her cell phone, and lets face it, normally it was attached to the side of her head. Her mum thought she was going through a rebellious stage and didn’t want to talk to anyone, instead staying locked up in her room. Unfortunately, her mum wasn’t smart enough to go and ask her if that was what she was doing. So, a week later, when her mum had decided enough was enough, she entered the room to find Amy hanging from the beams in the room. Dead. On the wall by her bed was a note written in large writing, and by the looks of Amy’s wrists, it was her own blood smeared across it, spelling out the words,
Brian. I killed myself because of you, you pig face little shit. You will tell everyone about what you did to me or I will haunt you, driving you to suicide as well. If anyone else stops you from telling about Jessica, I’ll kill them too. I love you, but I hate you. Amy.
I’m not going to tell you to forward this to any number of people, because that’s just shit. But be warned, Amy said she would kill anybody who stood in her way, and I for one don’t want to die during the night!!
If you made it this far without getting bored, then congratulations, lol! I really hate chain letters, and I love to rip them to pieces. Not being big headed, but I would much prefer my story than the original, at least mine has some sense of humor in it.