(no subject)
it was a year ago tonight.
he's drunk and miserable tonight.
i wonder if it's because he remembers too or if it's because of other stuff.
i love kohl so much.
more than i ever thought possible to love another person
and when i'm with him i'm just so happy
and i feel so right
i feel like such a better person.
but then there's this horrible dark side of me that's so emotional and sad and heavy and i don't have anyone, anyone to share it with.
i miss having a best friend i could go to and let this horrible rotting thing out of me so i could feel better and whole and not rely on kohl for this when he's 150 miles away and i don't really tell him everything anyway.
i miss just having a girl friend to talk to and spill it to and have her just listen and maybe hug me and then tell me it will be alright and tell me a silly story that relates to what i'm going through to make me feel better.
but lately i've been going it alone.
i don't really open up to any one.
i used to be such a vibrant, lively person with basically no secrets.
now i just feel like no one cares enough for me to really, really tell them what's going on. what's wrong.
i feel like i'm too big of a mess for anyone to really want to mess with.
i need an outside opinion because i'm drowning in my own thoughts and i have no perspective but my own to try to pull myself out of this.
he's drunk and miserable tonight.
i wonder if it's because he remembers too or if it's because of other stuff.
i love kohl so much.
more than i ever thought possible to love another person
and when i'm with him i'm just so happy
and i feel so right
i feel like such a better person.
but then there's this horrible dark side of me that's so emotional and sad and heavy and i don't have anyone, anyone to share it with.
i miss having a best friend i could go to and let this horrible rotting thing out of me so i could feel better and whole and not rely on kohl for this when he's 150 miles away and i don't really tell him everything anyway.
i miss just having a girl friend to talk to and spill it to and have her just listen and maybe hug me and then tell me it will be alright and tell me a silly story that relates to what i'm going through to make me feel better.
but lately i've been going it alone.
i don't really open up to any one.
i used to be such a vibrant, lively person with basically no secrets.
now i just feel like no one cares enough for me to really, really tell them what's going on. what's wrong.
i feel like i'm too big of a mess for anyone to really want to mess with.
i need an outside opinion because i'm drowning in my own thoughts and i have no perspective but my own to try to pull myself out of this.