My Job
...Is relatively sane. Relatively. I'm now working in a religious gift shop in west minister.
So we do get A LOT of religious people, quite a few of old people (We have one awesome dude in a wheelchair who visits regularly and who is master of the awful puns) and some people with mental health problems who like to come in and talk to us (or just walk around the shop) because we are here and familiar and I guess kinda stable.
I stamp prices on things using price guns. I'm helping take stock. I put things out on shelves, I open cabinets and look for boxed items for people. I work the till. I have a job.
I commute.
BUT STILL
I have been baffled into only replying with a stunned "O-kay....?" twice now.
On my second day working there, a middle aged lady told me, to keep my virginity for God. Because it's the greatest gift you can give Him. Like she was begging me to do it. Why did she assume I'd still got it? Why would I give God a present? Aren't I supposed to keep it for my husband if I'm playing by your christianity bible lawbook? WTF?
Today I got asked about the keys to heaven. Basically we have these little key chains that look like keys, but have the saint of motorists on them, and this guy picked one up and went jokingly "Are these the keys to Heaven?" But I thought he was seriuos (we get a lot of strange sounding requests), and so I said no, they weren't, because we've actually got a statue of Peter (or Paul, or whoever it is who's supposed to guard the gates) holding the keys and they look totally different, and then he said something like:
"Haha, oh yes, you know there are gates everywhere you know"
Me: *nodnod* Of course.
Him: And they are all going to open.
Me: Oh yes, naturally
Him: It's going to be the fifth dimension.
Me: Oh yea-What.
Him: It'll be the age of aquarius in 2012, and we'll become the fifth dimension, and we'll get crystal bodies, not like these carbon ones, there'll be more lights in your body and stuff...
Me: . . .
Him: There are Portals and Gateways everywhere, everything's going to open up. Like, the star gate and everything.
Me: *Baffled, amused and Perturbed* Of course.
Then he stood there looking at me, perhaps waiting for the appropriate contemplated response. I came out with something along the lines of "It'll be interesting to see whether the keys look like how we imagined them or not..."
Then I went to do the filing, and he went to the other side of the shop.
That guy made my day, but I don't know whether he was pulling my leg, a bit mad, or honestly believed what he was saying.
He made my day once he said Stargate though.
I don't think I got exactly what he said, but that's all the buzz words. I wrote 'em down afterwards so I wouldn't forget. It's too good not to share.
Also, I bought Holy Water. With a Flip top thing. I'm going to take it with me to the next London Expo, and if I see any vampire cosplay, I'm going to spritz them. Then when they go "Was that actually holy water?2 I can say. "Yes. Melt bitch!"
If they then say they are a type of vampire which is 'unaffected' by holy water, I will proclaim they are not a real vampire.
This is going to be awesommmmme >:D
So we do get A LOT of religious people, quite a few of old people (We have one awesome dude in a wheelchair who visits regularly and who is master of the awful puns) and some people with mental health problems who like to come in and talk to us (or just walk around the shop) because we are here and familiar and I guess kinda stable.
I stamp prices on things using price guns. I'm helping take stock. I put things out on shelves, I open cabinets and look for boxed items for people. I work the till. I have a job.
I commute.
BUT STILL
I have been baffled into only replying with a stunned "O-kay....?" twice now.
On my second day working there, a middle aged lady told me, to keep my virginity for God. Because it's the greatest gift you can give Him. Like she was begging me to do it. Why did she assume I'd still got it? Why would I give God a present? Aren't I supposed to keep it for my husband if I'm playing by your christianity bible lawbook? WTF?
Today I got asked about the keys to heaven. Basically we have these little key chains that look like keys, but have the saint of motorists on them, and this guy picked one up and went jokingly "Are these the keys to Heaven?" But I thought he was seriuos (we get a lot of strange sounding requests), and so I said no, they weren't, because we've actually got a statue of Peter (or Paul, or whoever it is who's supposed to guard the gates) holding the keys and they look totally different, and then he said something like:
"Haha, oh yes, you know there are gates everywhere you know"
Me: *nodnod* Of course.
Him: And they are all going to open.
Me: Oh yes, naturally
Him: It's going to be the fifth dimension.
Me: Oh yea-What.
Him: It'll be the age of aquarius in 2012, and we'll become the fifth dimension, and we'll get crystal bodies, not like these carbon ones, there'll be more lights in your body and stuff...
Me: . . .
Him: There are Portals and Gateways everywhere, everything's going to open up. Like, the star gate and everything.
Me: *Baffled, amused and Perturbed* Of course.
Then he stood there looking at me, perhaps waiting for the appropriate contemplated response. I came out with something along the lines of "It'll be interesting to see whether the keys look like how we imagined them or not..."
Then I went to do the filing, and he went to the other side of the shop.
That guy made my day, but I don't know whether he was pulling my leg, a bit mad, or honestly believed what he was saying.
He made my day once he said Stargate though.
I don't think I got exactly what he said, but that's all the buzz words. I wrote 'em down afterwards so I wouldn't forget. It's too good not to share.
Also, I bought Holy Water. With a Flip top thing. I'm going to take it with me to the next London Expo, and if I see any vampire cosplay, I'm going to spritz them. Then when they go "Was that actually holy water?2 I can say. "Yes. Melt bitch!"
If they then say they are a type of vampire which is 'unaffected' by holy water, I will proclaim they are not a real vampire.
This is going to be awesommmmme >:D