Who do you think your changing?
07/07/06
i hope i am recovering from my unknown illness...ive been sick for that past few days, but not even the doctor knows why. Do i just make myself sick? why?
my familia was here this past weekend. i didnt spend as much time as i would have liked to with them and my expressions might have seemed univiting. i was working and uninvolved. i know i do it, but i cant seem to change it, even if i want to. for some reason when im around them i close myself off and shut them out. i really want to become closer and feel a part of them. but i dont know how. i do so many things that my parents would completely see as unaaceptable that i dont know how to be myself and still try keep my life a secret.
ive been hanging out with eryk quite a bit. its been fun. he likes to go out and talk so that keeps it from being boring. 4th of july we watched the fireworks, i love fireworks, so it was great. haha he told me he likes me on a myspace message and he hasnt tried to make a move or anything. i tried asking him today why he was so shy or scared and he got very nervous. he said after his parents got divorced its been really hard for him to get involved or trust people. hes scared that people will walk out on him or abandon him. i felt bad after that, i didnt know what to say, i just wanted to hug him. i also wanted to say that it would be ok and i wouldnt abandon him, but i didnt because i didnt want to lie. its too soon. i think though that his honesty made me like him a little more and it made me feel comftorbale too, becasue it seems like we both just want to take it a step at a time and not rush anything, becasue of past experiences. or maybe im just attracted to men with emotional problems :P
yay! first friday tomorrow. i havent been in a long time.
eww my final tomorrow that i should be studying for RIGHT NOW.