(no subject)
last night, i had the weirdest dream and part of it had to do with drew. lately things have been not so good between me and him. hes been back for like 2 weeks now and i have yet to see him except for once and i saw him for maybe 20 minutes tops. its been over a month since ive last hung out with him and it really makes me upset because before he left he would tell me how he considered us in a relationship and stuff and yet this shit happens. i feel like hes pushing me away and that he doesnt care anymore about me, which is probably true. i know deep down that i care about him a lot and that i want him to be with me but the way things are turning out, i guess im not feeling the same about him anymore. when i was in convention, i hardly thought about him, only when the girls would bring up relationship problems and i would use him as an example sometimes. not until the end of the convention did i start thinking about him constantly and that was because of something that happened during the trip. idk anymore i wish that i could read his mind. no actually, i wish that he would actually answer my texts or my messages and stuff and stop being so mean and i bet you anything that the next time i see him and ask why he didnt answer, he'll just say he was too busy and yet he wasnt busy enough to answer other people's messages and stuf on myspace and stuff. i hate this so much and i wish he would know how much he's bothering me right now. all i want is for once, me to be truly happy. ive never gotten the opportunity to really call a guy mine and i was hoping that this was different but it's not. i hate him so much because he lead me on, even if it was unintentional. one day, when i find someone else, i want to rub it in his face because of what he did to me, though it might not seem like he did much. i know that drew has such a busy life that hes working a million hours and the gym and explorers and crap but i bet you anything, he has time to hang out with his friends every night and go drink with them and party and stuff. i wish that just one day of his busy schedule, he could and spend it with me. just one. but that's just too impossible to ask. and he promised me that we'd go see this movie that's coming out this friday and i bet you anything he forgot and im not going to fucking remind him because if he cared so much like he tells me, then he would remember.