Still Waiting
Everytime I think about the past I relive it. The memories there still haunt me and I often wonder where I am going to hide away that bit of me and start again. Am I still akward in shy or is it in my personality to be different around women. There are a few that I am act myself around and truly I feel different with them because the effort to be comfortable is not there. I don't like one nights or friends with benifits they leave me empty and without hope. I refuse to fall in love with hopeless causes, heard someone say I acted different and I realize now how little that matters to others. I don't have to be a badass or act like a fool to understand the concept of what it is the typical woman is seen to desire. Fuck all of that I say, be yourself when shes the one you won't be nervous or if you are you'll get over it and both of you will enjoy each others company always without whim or care about how you act or what you say. Why fake confidence its the same as lying to a woman just to get fucked... Nothing about love is described as fake its as real as anything and it exists for the sake that people can find happiness within one another despite all odds or consequence. I dont care how it seems I look when I am not looking for love all I know is that I'll know when I have found it and until then I choose this path not because I am forced to but because I believe it is what I truly want to do. So until the day I can find her I will practice and better myself day in and day out for if I am not to fight for myself I truly can not hope to win the hand of another nor would I try again. Failure can rest in me as well as my last love for what happened and I know now that I was to blame as much as her no more no less. I won't do that to someone else, even if she'll never mention it I know in my heart that I hurt her as much as I was hurt for the feelings between us were mutual and very strong. I know now how much it means to love someone, and I won't be giving that away again see this time I learned that love is much more than a gift from one to another its goes far deeper than I ever could have imagined and someday Ill search deeper where no one could care to go for the answers within me. I have much work to be done here on my surface, and inside as well. More on the latter than the former. Im becoming a new man and with that I will follow where it takes me even if it means being alone Ive come to accept that for what it is. Finally...