don't let me go; a catelyn&eddard stark fanmix
Fandom: A Song Of Ice And Fire
Subject: Catelyn and Eddard Stark
Title: Don't Let Me Go
Warnings/Notes: Made for waywardmixes' Round #24 - OTP; very angsty (involves major canon character deaths), contains spoilers for books and seasons one and three.
Lord Eddard and Lady Catelyn Stark née Tully are major characters in the book and television series A Song Of Ice And Fire/Game Of Thrones by George R.R. Martin. At first, Catelyn had been promised to marry Brandon Stark, but when he was slain in the war, she wed his younger brother, Eddard who was now to become the Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North. Catelyn and Ned's relationship is very loving and affectionate and they are parents to five children: Robb, Sansa, Arya, Bran and Rickon. Only one thing seems to overshadow their marriage; Eddard's bastard son, Jon Snow, who was born shortly after Catelyn had given birth to Robb. But that is soon not to be their only worries. When one day the king of the Seven Kingdoms travels to the North in order to command Ned to join him in the capital, everything falls apart. This mix is mostly from Catelyn's point of view, reflecting on her marriage to Ned shortly after receiving the message of his beheading and eventually going to her own death. (Disclaimer: The following thoughts and ficlets refer to major events taking place during the first and the third book and respective season, but are mostly based on my own headcanon.)
"When they took his head off they killed me too."
"Every morning, when I wake, I remember that Ned is gone."
Prologue. Lacrimosa. The raven had arrived at nightfall. Dark Wings, Dark Words, they said and it was true; he was dead. If only it were a lie, if only for no longer than a second she could believe for it to be a lie, if only... Dead. Her Ned was dead, gone, would never return to her, never hold her within his arms again. He was gone and yet Catelyn dared not weep, yet she knew that in this moment she had no choice than to remain strong. How would she be able to sleep, though, if all she she could see was his head on a spike, high above the Red Keep, how would she ever be able to close her eyes, find peace while she knew that if she were to return to her chamber in Winterfell he would never again lay beside her? How? Sleep came to her at last, and with her dreams came Ned.
Lacrimosa; Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Lacrimosa dies illa,
qua resurget ex favilla
judicandus homo reus.
That day of tears and mourning,
when from the ashes shall arise,
all humanity to be judged.
"And after the war, at Winterfell, I had love enough for any woman, once I found the good sweet heart beneath Ned’s solemn face."
Full Of Grace. Another woman's son. He had returned with another woman's son. Her entire body began to shake with anger at the mere thought of the boy, began to shake with shame, had she once believed for him to be different. How foolish had she been... For nine months had she carried their trueborn child under her heart, praying for her husband's life day by day and night by night. Her joy had seemed overwhelming when he returned... Carrying the bastard within his arms. One day, Catelyn knew, she would forgive him, one day, everything would be different, one day she would trust him, blindly, like she'd trusted him the day he had left her to go into war. But that day would not be today.
River Flows In You. There was no need to speak out how much love she felt for him. He was her rock, her everything, the man she adored more than anything else, more than herself. The passing years had strengthened their bond until it had become sheer indestructible, had brought her nothing but pure love for her husband, who had once been nothing but a stranger to her. She felt safe within his arms, felt whole as long as she could be by his side. How many times had she asked herself whether he, too, loved her, whether it was true that there was a feeling of affection for her within his heart, and how afraid had she been of finding out? What a fool she was; she merely had to look into his eyes to know that it was.
Full Of Grace; Sarah McLachlan
The winter here's cold, and bitter
It's chilled us to the bone
We haven't seen the sun for weeks
Too long too far from home
I feel just like I'm sinking
And I claw for solid ground.
River Flows In You; Yiruma
Instrumental.
"And when all were safe asleep, she found Ned in her bed, smiling. Sweet it was, sweet and gone too soon."
Dyin' Ain't So Bad. Of course Catelyn thought about death. How could she not if even in times of peace their lives were haunted by war, how could she not if she knew that before long the Long Night would fall? Of course she thought about death, would be a fool if it were otherwise. Even now she worried, now that she found Ned lying by her side, that she could feel his breath against her skin, now that the children were safe within their beds. Even now death seemed to constantly prey upon her mind. Catelyn had never feared death, had never been afraid of dying, not as long as she could be with her husband. Only if Ned would be with her when she died... And she knew that it would be her to go first. Deep inside, she knew.
The Prayer Of Eddard Stark. Catelyn had always felt a stranger in the godswood, did not like coming here and yet sometimes she came anyway, to cleanse her mind from her thoughts and worries, alone. Nobody would come looking for her at this place, least of all Ned. And yet she found him here often, seated beneath the heart tree, eyes closed as though he had forgotten about anything in this world. She liked to watch him pray.
Dyin' Ain't So Bad; Laura Osnes
Dyin' ain't so bad
Not if you both go together
Only when one's left behind
Does it get sad
But a short and lovin' life
That ain't so bad.
The Prayer Of François Villon; Regina Spektor
While yet the Earth is revolving -
Lord, yours is the power!
Give those fighting for power
To rule however much they desire;
Give a relief to the generous
At least up to the eve;
Bestow upon Cain repentance…
And don't forget about me.
"I can't do it, Ned... I really can't..."
Salve Regina. She, too, prayed. The sept was her shelter, seemed to bring a part of her home to Winterfell. Catelyn would spend hours kneeling before the altar, sending silent prayers to the Seven, silent prayers to the Mother to watch over her children, almost as though she had gone into a trance. She knew that sometimes Ned came to her, standing right behind her to watch her like she watched him, could feel his eyes resting on her. And she smiled.
One Life, One Soul. Catelyn had no memory of when she'd last slept, had no memory of when she'd last eaten. But why would she still care about herself, now that nothing was like before, now that all she had to worry about was her son? And where was Ned, why wasn't he with her, why did he barely talk to her anymore? "She's slipping away with grief," she heard him say, his voice speaking from far away, and she quickly covered her ears with her hands to silence his words. He was supposed to be here, here by her side! Bran needed her, and she needed Ned, more than she had ever needed him before. He was supposed to be here...
Salve Regina; Georg Friedrich Händel
Salve, Regina,
mater misericordiae;
vita, dulcedo et spes nostra, salve.
Ad te clamamus exsules filii Evæ,
Ad te suspiramus, gementes et flentes
in hac lacrimarum valle.
Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy,
hail our life, our sweetness and our hope.
To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve;
to thee do we send up our sighs,
mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.
One Life, One Soul; Gotthard
One life one soul
Forever I know
Follow me follow me
Wherever I go
One life one soul
Just waiting to flow
Follow me follow me
Don't let me go.
"Was this to be her punishment? Never to see his face again, nor to feel his arms around her?"
Dark Side Of The Sun. "Don't leave me," she whispered, over and over again, shaking her head until she became dizzy. "Please, Ned, don't leave me, don't leave me, not now..." He wouldn't listen. Only took her hand, squeezing it gently before he turned away from her, ready to leave and never to return. He had made his choice. Catelyn could hear his quiet sigh and yet didn't turn her head, didn't follow him to bid him the farewell he deserved. Bran needed her, needed her more than her husband, she couldn't leave him, not now... She couldn't leave. And once she believed Ned had felt the same about her.
Venus Birds. It had been seventeen years since he last left her. Seventeen years since she'd last been without him, seventeen years since he had gone into war. Where was the difference now, she asked herself. The king had called upon him and he followed, leaving her behind once more, barely able to breathe, with nothing to hold on to. He hadn't even kissed her good-bye.
Dark Side Of The Sun; Tori Amos
Brush back my tears and he said "girl
We have to soldier on
Yes girl even when we don't feel strong"
So how many young men have to lay down
Their life and their love of their woman
For some sick promise of a heaven.
Venus Birds; John Bennet
Venus’ birds, whose mournful tunes
Sing lullaby, lulula lullaby to my unrest,
For so partaking of my wrongs,
In my bosom build your nest.
"The thought of Cat was as painful as a bed of nettles. He wondered where she was, what she was doing. He wondered whether he would ever see her again."
The Sound Of Winter. Their kiss seemed to last forever. She never wanted to let go of him again, wanted to hold him within her arms forever, to look into his eyes and never turn away from him. How much had she missed him... And how sad he looked, she thought. Ned sighed as he slowly took a step back, still holding her hand in his. It was time to leave, Catelyn knew, every minute of hesitation would expose her to more danger, but the desire to be with her husband made her forget about anything, even if only for a moment. When would they see each other again, when would she be able to hold him again, to share a bed with him, knowing he was safe? When would... Once more she kissed him and then mounted her horse, feeling her heart break apart in the second she left him behind.
Hell Is Empty. They were at war now. Her husband had been taken captive and only war could free him, a war that could mean life and death for them all. Was this supposed to be the end, the end of them all? Was this supposed to be their downfall? Once more, fear seemed to assume control over her, once more worry had come to drown her. What if they lost? What if she were to never see her Ned again, what if she never were to hold him again, never to hear his voice again? What if they all were to die? It all laid within her son's hands now, and wasn't he just a boy? But what other choice was there? It was their only chance.
The Sound Of Winter; Bush
It's all in your face
I see you break
It's like the sound of winter
The bleeding love, the silent escape
You've got to hang on to yourself
It's like the sound of winter
Hell Is Empty; Emilie Autumn
Hell is empty...
And all the devils are here...
"I have lost my Ned, the rock my life was built on…"
O Let Me Weep. It was long before dawn when Catelyn awoke. For a moment, merely a split second, she seemed to have forgotten where she was, seemed to have forgotten about the raven, the letter, the war. But too soon she began to realise. Her hands were trembling when she wearily brushed over her cheeks, still feeling the traces of the tears she had wept within her sleep. How desperately had she attempted to hold back, and how desperately had she failed. Barely a minute passed when she began to weep again, her body shaken by sheer uncontrollable sobs. She had lost him. Had lost him forever.
Gloomy Sunday. He was gone. Even in her thoughts the words seemed to take her breath away, slowly choking her from inside. How could she still go on, now that they had taken him away from her? Catelyn knew that there was no choice, would never allow weakness to assume control over her, not in times like these, not as long as she knew that Robb needed her, not during war. And yet, she wanted nothing more than to be weak... One day she would follow Ned into the grave, and how much she desired for that day to come... But until then she would remain strong. Always.
O Let Me Weep; Henry Purcell
O let me weep, for ever weep,
My Eyes no more shall welcome Sleep;
I'll hide me from the sight of Day,
And sigh, and sigh my Soul away.
He's gone, he's gone, his loss deplore;
And I shall never see him more.
Gloomy Sunday; Billie Holiday
Gloomy is sunday
with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have
decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles
and prayers that are sad,
I know, let them not weep,
let then know
that I'm glad to go.
"Ned, please, make it stop, make it stop hurting…"
Epilogue. Catelyn's Lament - When I Am Laid In Earth. The pain was excruciating. She screamed, screamed at the top of her lungs until her voice dried out, until she lost control over her body. Ned, dead, Robb, dead, everyone dead! If only the pain would stop, finally stop... One day, they all would be forgotten, but she would never forget, never... She would remember, always, the North would... Death came to her at last. Soon she would be lying within Ned's arms again, soon she would be safe. Soon she, too, would be forgotten.
Dido's Lament - When I Am Laid In Earth; Henry Purcell
When I am laid, am laid in earth, May my wrongs create
No trouble, no trouble in thy breast;
Remember me, remember me, but ah! forget my fate.
Remember me, but ah! forget my fate.
"She had lived too long. Ned was waiting."
Subject: Catelyn and Eddard Stark
Title: Don't Let Me Go
Warnings/Notes: Made for waywardmixes' Round #24 - OTP; very angsty (involves major canon character deaths), contains spoilers for books and seasons one and three.
Lord Eddard and Lady Catelyn Stark née Tully are major characters in the book and television series A Song Of Ice And Fire/Game Of Thrones by George R.R. Martin. At first, Catelyn had been promised to marry Brandon Stark, but when he was slain in the war, she wed his younger brother, Eddard who was now to become the Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North. Catelyn and Ned's relationship is very loving and affectionate and they are parents to five children: Robb, Sansa, Arya, Bran and Rickon. Only one thing seems to overshadow their marriage; Eddard's bastard son, Jon Snow, who was born shortly after Catelyn had given birth to Robb. But that is soon not to be their only worries. When one day the king of the Seven Kingdoms travels to the North in order to command Ned to join him in the capital, everything falls apart. This mix is mostly from Catelyn's point of view, reflecting on her marriage to Ned shortly after receiving the message of his beheading and eventually going to her own death. (Disclaimer: The following thoughts and ficlets refer to major events taking place during the first and the third book and respective season, but are mostly based on my own headcanon.)
"When they took his head off they killed me too."
"Every morning, when I wake, I remember that Ned is gone."
Prologue. Lacrimosa. The raven had arrived at nightfall. Dark Wings, Dark Words, they said and it was true; he was dead. If only it were a lie, if only for no longer than a second she could believe for it to be a lie, if only... Dead. Her Ned was dead, gone, would never return to her, never hold her within his arms again. He was gone and yet Catelyn dared not weep, yet she knew that in this moment she had no choice than to remain strong. How would she be able to sleep, though, if all she she could see was his head on a spike, high above the Red Keep, how would she ever be able to close her eyes, find peace while she knew that if she were to return to her chamber in Winterfell he would never again lay beside her? How? Sleep came to her at last, and with her dreams came Ned.
Lacrimosa; Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Lacrimosa dies illa,
qua resurget ex favilla
judicandus homo reus.
That day of tears and mourning,
when from the ashes shall arise,
all humanity to be judged.
"And after the war, at Winterfell, I had love enough for any woman, once I found the good sweet heart beneath Ned’s solemn face."
Full Of Grace. Another woman's son. He had returned with another woman's son. Her entire body began to shake with anger at the mere thought of the boy, began to shake with shame, had she once believed for him to be different. How foolish had she been... For nine months had she carried their trueborn child under her heart, praying for her husband's life day by day and night by night. Her joy had seemed overwhelming when he returned... Carrying the bastard within his arms. One day, Catelyn knew, she would forgive him, one day, everything would be different, one day she would trust him, blindly, like she'd trusted him the day he had left her to go into war. But that day would not be today.
River Flows In You. There was no need to speak out how much love she felt for him. He was her rock, her everything, the man she adored more than anything else, more than herself. The passing years had strengthened their bond until it had become sheer indestructible, had brought her nothing but pure love for her husband, who had once been nothing but a stranger to her. She felt safe within his arms, felt whole as long as she could be by his side. How many times had she asked herself whether he, too, loved her, whether it was true that there was a feeling of affection for her within his heart, and how afraid had she been of finding out? What a fool she was; she merely had to look into his eyes to know that it was.
Full Of Grace; Sarah McLachlan
The winter here's cold, and bitter
It's chilled us to the bone
We haven't seen the sun for weeks
Too long too far from home
I feel just like I'm sinking
And I claw for solid ground.
River Flows In You; Yiruma
Instrumental.
"And when all were safe asleep, she found Ned in her bed, smiling. Sweet it was, sweet and gone too soon."
Dyin' Ain't So Bad. Of course Catelyn thought about death. How could she not if even in times of peace their lives were haunted by war, how could she not if she knew that before long the Long Night would fall? Of course she thought about death, would be a fool if it were otherwise. Even now she worried, now that she found Ned lying by her side, that she could feel his breath against her skin, now that the children were safe within their beds. Even now death seemed to constantly prey upon her mind. Catelyn had never feared death, had never been afraid of dying, not as long as she could be with her husband. Only if Ned would be with her when she died... And she knew that it would be her to go first. Deep inside, she knew.
The Prayer Of Eddard Stark. Catelyn had always felt a stranger in the godswood, did not like coming here and yet sometimes she came anyway, to cleanse her mind from her thoughts and worries, alone. Nobody would come looking for her at this place, least of all Ned. And yet she found him here often, seated beneath the heart tree, eyes closed as though he had forgotten about anything in this world. She liked to watch him pray.
Dyin' Ain't So Bad; Laura Osnes
Dyin' ain't so bad
Not if you both go together
Only when one's left behind
Does it get sad
But a short and lovin' life
That ain't so bad.
The Prayer Of François Villon; Regina Spektor
While yet the Earth is revolving -
Lord, yours is the power!
Give those fighting for power
To rule however much they desire;
Give a relief to the generous
At least up to the eve;
Bestow upon Cain repentance…
And don't forget about me.
"I can't do it, Ned... I really can't..."
Salve Regina. She, too, prayed. The sept was her shelter, seemed to bring a part of her home to Winterfell. Catelyn would spend hours kneeling before the altar, sending silent prayers to the Seven, silent prayers to the Mother to watch over her children, almost as though she had gone into a trance. She knew that sometimes Ned came to her, standing right behind her to watch her like she watched him, could feel his eyes resting on her. And she smiled.
One Life, One Soul. Catelyn had no memory of when she'd last slept, had no memory of when she'd last eaten. But why would she still care about herself, now that nothing was like before, now that all she had to worry about was her son? And where was Ned, why wasn't he with her, why did he barely talk to her anymore? "She's slipping away with grief," she heard him say, his voice speaking from far away, and she quickly covered her ears with her hands to silence his words. He was supposed to be here, here by her side! Bran needed her, and she needed Ned, more than she had ever needed him before. He was supposed to be here...
Salve Regina; Georg Friedrich Händel
Salve, Regina,
mater misericordiae;
vita, dulcedo et spes nostra, salve.
Ad te clamamus exsules filii Evæ,
Ad te suspiramus, gementes et flentes
in hac lacrimarum valle.
Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy,
hail our life, our sweetness and our hope.
To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve;
to thee do we send up our sighs,
mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.
One Life, One Soul; Gotthard
One life one soul
Forever I know
Follow me follow me
Wherever I go
One life one soul
Just waiting to flow
Follow me follow me
Don't let me go.
"Was this to be her punishment? Never to see his face again, nor to feel his arms around her?"
Dark Side Of The Sun. "Don't leave me," she whispered, over and over again, shaking her head until she became dizzy. "Please, Ned, don't leave me, don't leave me, not now..." He wouldn't listen. Only took her hand, squeezing it gently before he turned away from her, ready to leave and never to return. He had made his choice. Catelyn could hear his quiet sigh and yet didn't turn her head, didn't follow him to bid him the farewell he deserved. Bran needed her, needed her more than her husband, she couldn't leave him, not now... She couldn't leave. And once she believed Ned had felt the same about her.
Venus Birds. It had been seventeen years since he last left her. Seventeen years since she'd last been without him, seventeen years since he had gone into war. Where was the difference now, she asked herself. The king had called upon him and he followed, leaving her behind once more, barely able to breathe, with nothing to hold on to. He hadn't even kissed her good-bye.
Dark Side Of The Sun; Tori Amos
Brush back my tears and he said "girl
We have to soldier on
Yes girl even when we don't feel strong"
So how many young men have to lay down
Their life and their love of their woman
For some sick promise of a heaven.
Venus Birds; John Bennet
Venus’ birds, whose mournful tunes
Sing lullaby, lulula lullaby to my unrest,
For so partaking of my wrongs,
In my bosom build your nest.
"The thought of Cat was as painful as a bed of nettles. He wondered where she was, what she was doing. He wondered whether he would ever see her again."
The Sound Of Winter. Their kiss seemed to last forever. She never wanted to let go of him again, wanted to hold him within her arms forever, to look into his eyes and never turn away from him. How much had she missed him... And how sad he looked, she thought. Ned sighed as he slowly took a step back, still holding her hand in his. It was time to leave, Catelyn knew, every minute of hesitation would expose her to more danger, but the desire to be with her husband made her forget about anything, even if only for a moment. When would they see each other again, when would she be able to hold him again, to share a bed with him, knowing he was safe? When would... Once more she kissed him and then mounted her horse, feeling her heart break apart in the second she left him behind.
Hell Is Empty. They were at war now. Her husband had been taken captive and only war could free him, a war that could mean life and death for them all. Was this supposed to be the end, the end of them all? Was this supposed to be their downfall? Once more, fear seemed to assume control over her, once more worry had come to drown her. What if they lost? What if she were to never see her Ned again, what if she never were to hold him again, never to hear his voice again? What if they all were to die? It all laid within her son's hands now, and wasn't he just a boy? But what other choice was there? It was their only chance.
The Sound Of Winter; Bush
It's all in your face
I see you break
It's like the sound of winter
The bleeding love, the silent escape
You've got to hang on to yourself
It's like the sound of winter
Hell Is Empty; Emilie Autumn
Hell is empty...
And all the devils are here...
"I have lost my Ned, the rock my life was built on…"
O Let Me Weep. It was long before dawn when Catelyn awoke. For a moment, merely a split second, she seemed to have forgotten where she was, seemed to have forgotten about the raven, the letter, the war. But too soon she began to realise. Her hands were trembling when she wearily brushed over her cheeks, still feeling the traces of the tears she had wept within her sleep. How desperately had she attempted to hold back, and how desperately had she failed. Barely a minute passed when she began to weep again, her body shaken by sheer uncontrollable sobs. She had lost him. Had lost him forever.
Gloomy Sunday. He was gone. Even in her thoughts the words seemed to take her breath away, slowly choking her from inside. How could she still go on, now that they had taken him away from her? Catelyn knew that there was no choice, would never allow weakness to assume control over her, not in times like these, not as long as she knew that Robb needed her, not during war. And yet, she wanted nothing more than to be weak... One day she would follow Ned into the grave, and how much she desired for that day to come... But until then she would remain strong. Always.
O Let Me Weep; Henry Purcell
O let me weep, for ever weep,
My Eyes no more shall welcome Sleep;
I'll hide me from the sight of Day,
And sigh, and sigh my Soul away.
He's gone, he's gone, his loss deplore;
And I shall never see him more.
Gloomy Sunday; Billie Holiday
Gloomy is sunday
with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have
decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles
and prayers that are sad,
I know, let them not weep,
let then know
that I'm glad to go.
"Ned, please, make it stop, make it stop hurting…"
Epilogue. Catelyn's Lament - When I Am Laid In Earth. The pain was excruciating. She screamed, screamed at the top of her lungs until her voice dried out, until she lost control over her body. Ned, dead, Robb, dead, everyone dead! If only the pain would stop, finally stop... One day, they all would be forgotten, but she would never forget, never... She would remember, always, the North would... Death came to her at last. Soon she would be lying within Ned's arms again, soon she would be safe. Soon she, too, would be forgotten.
Dido's Lament - When I Am Laid In Earth; Henry Purcell
When I am laid, am laid in earth, May my wrongs create
No trouble, no trouble in thy breast;
Remember me, remember me, but ah! forget my fate.
Remember me, but ah! forget my fate.
"She had lived too long. Ned was waiting."