Yes, there's nothing.
As some might already know or have figured out things are not kosher up in the apartment at the moment. Three more days and it's over. How fucking disappointing.
I agree, there is nothing. What a let down to stand by and watch a very important aspect of my life fizzle into complete shit. What a bigger let down to not be upset about it. There are reasons to be mad, and they are very real. I can't begin to get into them in the middle of the apartment after someone has stormed out my room then tries to pressure me into letting it all out. I can't begin a discussion when I'm already mad, it's not beneficial to anyone to attempt a talk when my emotions are at the furious level, things aren't going to come out respectfully or effectively. It can't be on those terms and it can't be in front of an audience. Nor will what I need to say help any situation for the next few days. I wish desperately that I could say everything will work itself out, that it is just another thing for us to go through, and that we can act like we used to and come at each other straight. But the fact is nothing is the same, that the dynamic is no longer such that the honesty I think we both need is going to be received in an open way and not a severely defensive way. I can't explain how hard it is to look at someone who has been a very part of my soul for all this time and not recognize the person, not be able to feel any sort of compassion, not to be curious how she is, and to, when it comes down to it, not respect the very person who has held my utmost respect for so long.
I'm not the victim and I don't want to attempt to act as such. I have not been supportive, I have not been helpful, I have not given respect, and I have not been able to speak about things when they needed to be spoken about. This is all a two-way street in my mind. Do I have regrets? I wish I could stay in my young-and-free thinking of "no regrets" but unfortunately I can't just feel okay about things because I don't want to admit that they haven't been right.
I don't know how to go from here but at the same point I don't feel like anyone feels it's worth it.
I agree, there is nothing. What a let down to stand by and watch a very important aspect of my life fizzle into complete shit. What a bigger let down to not be upset about it. There are reasons to be mad, and they are very real. I can't begin to get into them in the middle of the apartment after someone has stormed out my room then tries to pressure me into letting it all out. I can't begin a discussion when I'm already mad, it's not beneficial to anyone to attempt a talk when my emotions are at the furious level, things aren't going to come out respectfully or effectively. It can't be on those terms and it can't be in front of an audience. Nor will what I need to say help any situation for the next few days. I wish desperately that I could say everything will work itself out, that it is just another thing for us to go through, and that we can act like we used to and come at each other straight. But the fact is nothing is the same, that the dynamic is no longer such that the honesty I think we both need is going to be received in an open way and not a severely defensive way. I can't explain how hard it is to look at someone who has been a very part of my soul for all this time and not recognize the person, not be able to feel any sort of compassion, not to be curious how she is, and to, when it comes down to it, not respect the very person who has held my utmost respect for so long.
I'm not the victim and I don't want to attempt to act as such. I have not been supportive, I have not been helpful, I have not given respect, and I have not been able to speak about things when they needed to be spoken about. This is all a two-way street in my mind. Do I have regrets? I wish I could stay in my young-and-free thinking of "no regrets" but unfortunately I can't just feel okay about things because I don't want to admit that they haven't been right.
I don't know how to go from here but at the same point I don't feel like anyone feels it's worth it.