oh gosh...

[silence_death]

can someone please shoot me because I am the biggest fucken idiot I know. I wish I would stop caring and get over this shit already, I've gone through enough heart ach and just when I think I'm over it and okay, I find out something simple that is said just makes it worse and the tears well up again. I hate you, but I love you and still even after all this I still don't want to lose you, therefore I am the biggest idiot I know. This situation is making me hate myself. I don't understand how things went so wrong, but I hate myself not for it happening, but because I feel like I'm not good enough. If things were so great then why would he want them to end? I hate myself, it feels like my last shitty relationship all over again...

So now I wonder, what is wrong with me? I don't think I'm a bad g/f at all...maybe I am a little dependent on him but who isn't in a relationship?

I hate myself for feeling this way. I wish more then anything I could just not care anymore, get over it and move on, but it's so hard. He just felt so right for me. I wish so much with all my heart he felt the same way and things would go back how they were. But I see that that isn't going to happen. He's going to come over Saturday and he's going to break up with me. That's it...I just know it...

i wish i was better then this, stronger then this, i wish i had a self destruct button besides what i do to compinsate. i just want the hurt to stop. i want... i think i want to much.