9 months later, a jounal was born.
Well, not born as much as reactivated. According to Semagic my last journal entry was nine months ago. How times flies.
There have been any number of parties and adventures during the time I was away. I pulled away from the tournament scene after two disastrous events (last place in both, including a US Masters tournament). I picked up a new game that I play mostly for fun, but it's still challenging. My summer cookouts have come and gone, friends have married and broken up, Fantasia was still great even with a smaller crew.
The reason I've come back, is a bit of a milestone. We have a new boss and all new employees at work, I've been here almost eleven years now. Today I told my boss that I'm dealing with Depression. I don't want to make a big Facebook post about it, but this place is deserted enough now that I don't worry about it. It's the first time I told someone this who wasn't a very close friend or therapist. I've danced around naming it as such for years, even after my therapy has done marvels at fighting it. But there's no way around it: Periodcally an episode hits and I'm utterly drained for about three days. Everything is hopeless, I'm worthless, blah blah blah. I can cope reasonably well now; I know if I need to be alone and immerse myself in TV or movies. The problem this week was that the depression was interfering with work. New boss noticed it, and asked if something was up. I told him.
The first thing he asked was "What can i do to make things better for you?" I was speechless.
We talked about some options: pulling me off the phones and just doing project work for the day (no talking to others), working from home, or even calling in and saying "I can't work today." I've talked about doing that in the past but never followed through. That will change. The good news is that these episodes only come up every six weeks or so now. I can spot them when they happen, and I have plans to deal. I know people are willing to hep and are supportive, but I've burned some friendships in the past over this. (My fault, not theirs). It's great that I have people who care and would help. It'd be even better if I had an SO around because friends all have their own lives and things to deal with. The fact is mostly I have myself around. One less that came out of therapy is that I needed adult support when I was you that I didn't get. Now I'm an adult, and I need to be the Adult for myself that I was looking for back then. It's actually been helping a bit.
So there. I called Depression what it is. I have friends, I have tools, and I have plans. Even then, things will still look hopeless for a while.
But only for a while.
There have been any number of parties and adventures during the time I was away. I pulled away from the tournament scene after two disastrous events (last place in both, including a US Masters tournament). I picked up a new game that I play mostly for fun, but it's still challenging. My summer cookouts have come and gone, friends have married and broken up, Fantasia was still great even with a smaller crew.
The reason I've come back, is a bit of a milestone. We have a new boss and all new employees at work, I've been here almost eleven years now. Today I told my boss that I'm dealing with Depression. I don't want to make a big Facebook post about it, but this place is deserted enough now that I don't worry about it. It's the first time I told someone this who wasn't a very close friend or therapist. I've danced around naming it as such for years, even after my therapy has done marvels at fighting it. But there's no way around it: Periodcally an episode hits and I'm utterly drained for about three days. Everything is hopeless, I'm worthless, blah blah blah. I can cope reasonably well now; I know if I need to be alone and immerse myself in TV or movies. The problem this week was that the depression was interfering with work. New boss noticed it, and asked if something was up. I told him.
The first thing he asked was "What can i do to make things better for you?" I was speechless.
We talked about some options: pulling me off the phones and just doing project work for the day (no talking to others), working from home, or even calling in and saying "I can't work today." I've talked about doing that in the past but never followed through. That will change. The good news is that these episodes only come up every six weeks or so now. I can spot them when they happen, and I have plans to deal. I know people are willing to hep and are supportive, but I've burned some friendships in the past over this. (My fault, not theirs). It's great that I have people who care and would help. It'd be even better if I had an SO around because friends all have their own lives and things to deal with. The fact is mostly I have myself around. One less that came out of therapy is that I needed adult support when I was you that I didn't get. Now I'm an adult, and I need to be the Adult for myself that I was looking for back then. It's actually been helping a bit.
So there. I called Depression what it is. I have friends, I have tools, and I have plans. Even then, things will still look hopeless for a while.
But only for a while.