Oh god, I yearn for a taste of it now...
To be blunt, I have been fooled several times now. One like myself who I do consider myself to be so witty and wise to the game of life seems to be getting kicked to the sidelines several times...one after another. It seems every girl enjoys playing soccer with my heart...and for some reason, I fear it won't stop. Claire used me for sex and temporary affection...that hurts the most. The last girl I found myself becoming completely entranced with...my god, her smile could warm your heart...only when you realize it's fake does it become a knife corkscrewing it's way through your aorta...and even when knowing, or rather, believing that she was out to ruin me...I still wanted more. Grant, my friend, you were right. She was using me for her own lustful games. It hurts the most because I didn't believe you...and lately, you've been the closest one there with me. You seem to really help me out, and I can't thank you enough for that dude. She has found somebody else now...somebody who gives her security. I gave her nothing but an easy lay and a few cigarettes. Damn me for being so blinded by those eyes I couldn't help but fall in love with. Do I hate Claire for what she did to me? No. Do I still love her...well, love depletes itself over time...and would I still hang out with her...well, as with love, friendship depletes itself over time. Slowly, she's leaving my heart...and I may be better afterwards.
Tom is back in town, and that can only mean a reunion of the foursome, as it happened last night. It was a warming thought to be with the guys one last time before Tom goes off to college for God only knows how long. We did the basic and essential things four "Punk rockers" (As Becca deems us) do: vandilize, get drunk, smoke cigarettes, rock out to music. It was good to feel this feeling again. This feeling of uncaring, unadulterated...fun! I love it when we're driving on the interstate singing "Long Live Punk" by the immortal Anti-Nowhere League! I love getting drunk and transforming into my alter ego "Huevos Rancheros" and being completly insane. I love it when "Donkey D" says his trademark "DON'T DO THAT!!!!" line. It's been only a week since we've all been together, and when we got back together...it was so damn welcoming. These guys are my friends, and I couldn't ask for a greater bunch. Scott (Donkey D), Jason (Homestar), Tom (...Just Tom), and myself (Huevos Rancheros), together and only when we are together do I feel unscathed by anything...and immortal. I'm not weak when i'm alone, but i'm stronger then I can ever imagine when i'm around them. So I raise my glass to our memories dear friends, and here's to 121332443321451213212 more!
Claire shocked me with her cold heart and shocked me even more when all was confirmed true...it hurts to know the girl you're in love with was using you all along. You were merely her puppet for lustful affection...among other things. I was her puppet and with those eyes and nice legs of hers, I followed her whereever. I WAS SO STUPID!!! But for every mistake...a lesson is learned. The lesson in this one can't be defined through words though...only through an internal feeling of acceptance. And as such, this event WILL NOT happen again. There's more to me now then just sex and punk rock. And after all this, I know who my friends are, what some girls are truly after...and what to watch out for.
Humorously, what I told Grant a while ago was "If I have sex with the girl on the first date or first time I meet her...the relationship is going nowhere."
Even more humourously...it's true. So far, every girl I've been with on the first meeting I usually either just end up becoming there friend with benefits or just some lay they forget about in a week.
Happily though, Jessica and I aren't like that. This is a new girl in my life...who's amazing me all the same ways that all the others did. With the exception that I know she means everything she says, I know her feelings are pure. She has no reason to lead me on or hurt me, i've done nothing wrong to her. Slowly, I find myself becoming more and more entranced by her...more then I ever felt about Claire. With Claire it was merely, "This girls hot...and she's smart..." and then SEX! Jessica to me is more of "This girl is so cool...she actually calls me names and it's funny...and she's hot." The last thing I think about when i'm with Jessica are lustful thoughts...though if we ever got to the level, I would never complain! *Wink Wink* Still though, I like Jessica a lot and I think this one could be worth staying around for...she seems to like me a lot...and I like her a lot as well. I am more cautious though because of this whole "Claire Incident", but in my heart and mind I am comfortable in knowing Jessica's not out to ruin me...and i'm not out to ruin her. She makes me happy to be around, and I make her happy. It's a shared desire for one another, all truthful and honest. So...I am filling out a "Boyfriend Application" (lol, thanks Rooney) for Jessica and I hope she likes what she sees on it! It's all honest and i'm open anytime for you, my dear!
That is all I can say for now...until next time, take care of yourself...and eachother!
Tom is back in town, and that can only mean a reunion of the foursome, as it happened last night. It was a warming thought to be with the guys one last time before Tom goes off to college for God only knows how long. We did the basic and essential things four "Punk rockers" (As Becca deems us) do: vandilize, get drunk, smoke cigarettes, rock out to music. It was good to feel this feeling again. This feeling of uncaring, unadulterated...fun! I love it when we're driving on the interstate singing "Long Live Punk" by the immortal Anti-Nowhere League! I love getting drunk and transforming into my alter ego "Huevos Rancheros" and being completly insane. I love it when "Donkey D" says his trademark "DON'T DO THAT!!!!" line. It's been only a week since we've all been together, and when we got back together...it was so damn welcoming. These guys are my friends, and I couldn't ask for a greater bunch. Scott (Donkey D), Jason (Homestar), Tom (...Just Tom), and myself (Huevos Rancheros), together and only when we are together do I feel unscathed by anything...and immortal. I'm not weak when i'm alone, but i'm stronger then I can ever imagine when i'm around them. So I raise my glass to our memories dear friends, and here's to 121332443321451213212 more!
Claire shocked me with her cold heart and shocked me even more when all was confirmed true...it hurts to know the girl you're in love with was using you all along. You were merely her puppet for lustful affection...among other things. I was her puppet and with those eyes and nice legs of hers, I followed her whereever. I WAS SO STUPID!!! But for every mistake...a lesson is learned. The lesson in this one can't be defined through words though...only through an internal feeling of acceptance. And as such, this event WILL NOT happen again. There's more to me now then just sex and punk rock. And after all this, I know who my friends are, what some girls are truly after...and what to watch out for.
Humorously, what I told Grant a while ago was "If I have sex with the girl on the first date or first time I meet her...the relationship is going nowhere."
Even more humourously...it's true. So far, every girl I've been with on the first meeting I usually either just end up becoming there friend with benefits or just some lay they forget about in a week.
Happily though, Jessica and I aren't like that. This is a new girl in my life...who's amazing me all the same ways that all the others did. With the exception that I know she means everything she says, I know her feelings are pure. She has no reason to lead me on or hurt me, i've done nothing wrong to her. Slowly, I find myself becoming more and more entranced by her...more then I ever felt about Claire. With Claire it was merely, "This girls hot...and she's smart..." and then SEX! Jessica to me is more of "This girl is so cool...she actually calls me names and it's funny...and she's hot." The last thing I think about when i'm with Jessica are lustful thoughts...though if we ever got to the level, I would never complain! *Wink Wink* Still though, I like Jessica a lot and I think this one could be worth staying around for...she seems to like me a lot...and I like her a lot as well. I am more cautious though because of this whole "Claire Incident", but in my heart and mind I am comfortable in knowing Jessica's not out to ruin me...and i'm not out to ruin her. She makes me happy to be around, and I make her happy. It's a shared desire for one another, all truthful and honest. So...I am filling out a "Boyfriend Application" (lol, thanks Rooney) for Jessica and I hope she likes what she sees on it! It's all honest and i'm open anytime for you, my dear!
That is all I can say for now...until next time, take care of yourself...and eachother!