I Thought I Had Seen It All

Aug 17, 2007 14:30

I Thought I Had Seen It All…

I have not been in to my journal in a very long time. A month? Two months? It has been a plague of one thing after another from personal, to financial to physical and finally mental… the ever present mental things that happen along at any given time during the day. From Family Members in the hospital, myself in the hospital, bills to be paid with imaginary money, bills being paid twice by utility companies that cannot do their job properly then the subsequent turning off of my electricity that caused my server to burn up and almost cost me not only my accounting that can be replaced with many long hours but not the photographs that are associated with those accounts on my computer that because of my OCD are backed up not only once but thrice. I love myself to that; I have at least this to be thankful for. That and the love of those around me. Without their support, I would be a mess.

This being said, I sat down with the parts of my torched server and replaced the drive into a new box and begin the long drawn out process of making everything work once again. This took me until about 5:00 in the morning but for the most part I got everything installed, the DSL service up and running and all but as few minor networking problems to deal with I would have a running server within the following day, but first, I needed to rest. This is where the problem lay before me.

Last night it was a definite manifestation of fear and anxiety though that had me going through some of the worst twitching that I have ever felt yet; this is of course caused from the problems with a medication back at Christmas that left me with permanent brain damage. The spasms were so intense that I at times could not control something as simple as swallowing or even breathing. I cannot remember fear as I had at that point in time.

Because of this, I was up all night and somewhere between 6:30 when I last seen the TV on until 9:45 when I woke back up I assume that the spasms subsided, not completely but they were not as pronounced as they were before. I went to sit up and realized that during this time I had wretched every muscle due to the spasms and could not do anything but lay there in bed and watch the television for a time till the pain would go away. It was during this time that I searched for anything, just anything that would make me smile.

It was about that time I heard the sound of a small gasoline engine. This was odd since the Lawn People usually were here on Tuesdays and with new apartment management people had fired them to save money but this was only the first of my senses to be filled. When I got up to look out the window, I looked across the courtyard to the maintenance building where I watched the men that worked there pull in with a John Deere garden tractor and an old golf cart. I could not tell if they were attempting to pull the golf cart back there for repair or if they were truly sincere about taking the seats from the cart, and mounting them to a utility trailer.

I had visions of a joke in the making “ How Many Maintenance People Does It Take To… “ I just had to sit back and laugh for a minute, here I was taking on the weight of the world one computer part at a time and here were these gentlemen going on with their things in what I have to assume was an attempt to make the ultimate all purpose vehicle. I guess it would have been no different if they had pulled up with a 4X4 ATV with the intent of adding a mowing deck where a removable deer stand would somehow come loose or a gun rack attachment for the cooler that would somehow fit into the rest of the puzzle like a deranged LEGO kit or Erector Set project.

I am in Texas nonetheless and anything is possible with enough ingenuity and plenty of Brisket and Cold Beer with a bit of Potato Salad, Jalapeño and Purple Onion on the side for decoration. It was because of this that things seemed to be not so bad after all. Medications can be fixed, people can get better, bills can be paid, computers can be fixed but nothing beats the hell out of watching a bunch of grown men run out of fear of bloodshed from a glowing green contraption that spins and whirls about out of control due to their consumption of alcohol and use of the phrase “Hey, Wanna See What I Can Do?”

If it were not for phrases like that, things would seem much worse. They can always be much worse.

T.
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