(no subject)
So, inevitably, who I am now is wayyyyyyyyyyyy different than who I was when I was a freshman in high school.
But what's the biggest difference?
When I was getting out of freshman year in high school, I experimented with hair colors every couple of weeks, I only wore baggy pants or jeans with t-shirts that had some kind of clever graphic on them, I solicited the fact that I could snowboard, I had recently broken my best friend's heart on Valentine's Day, and I loved a boy named Evan Kern.
Now? My hair is the same not only every week, but every day of every week. I wear carpenter's clothes... because I am one. OK, I still solicit that I can snowboard, probably more than I did. I couldn't put myself into the position that I did on Valentine's Day of that year because I more than likely would not get into the relationship in the first place, and not only do I far from love a boy named Evan Kern; I'm not so sure that I love anyone.
I guess that freshman year of high school was the most awkward stage, the most uncomfortable that I have EVER been with myself. I just found myself in stupid situations that I put myself into. The thought of so much of my life being consumed by a person who would inevitably break my heart is beyond me. The concept of dating anyone at that age is beyond me. Hmm. In retrospect, the entire year would incite a substantial amount of grimacing.
Ugh.
Not that I'm perfect now. Just more comfortable with myself. I... guess. Maybe just older. More life lived. Something like that.
Hung out with Charlie tonight. And that was a blast from the past. I guess that was the premise for all of this. Charlie was semi-consistently there through my various incarnations and stages. Different memories from each. Even this time last year, he was with Tess and it's weird to think of them... not... together. But I met April tonight. And I liked her a lot, but she honestly reminded me a lot of Tess. So... yeah, nostalgia.
I'm confusing myself.
But what's the biggest difference?
When I was getting out of freshman year in high school, I experimented with hair colors every couple of weeks, I only wore baggy pants or jeans with t-shirts that had some kind of clever graphic on them, I solicited the fact that I could snowboard, I had recently broken my best friend's heart on Valentine's Day, and I loved a boy named Evan Kern.
Now? My hair is the same not only every week, but every day of every week. I wear carpenter's clothes... because I am one. OK, I still solicit that I can snowboard, probably more than I did. I couldn't put myself into the position that I did on Valentine's Day of that year because I more than likely would not get into the relationship in the first place, and not only do I far from love a boy named Evan Kern; I'm not so sure that I love anyone.
I guess that freshman year of high school was the most awkward stage, the most uncomfortable that I have EVER been with myself. I just found myself in stupid situations that I put myself into. The thought of so much of my life being consumed by a person who would inevitably break my heart is beyond me. The concept of dating anyone at that age is beyond me. Hmm. In retrospect, the entire year would incite a substantial amount of grimacing.
Ugh.
Not that I'm perfect now. Just more comfortable with myself. I... guess. Maybe just older. More life lived. Something like that.
Hung out with Charlie tonight. And that was a blast from the past. I guess that was the premise for all of this. Charlie was semi-consistently there through my various incarnations and stages. Different memories from each. Even this time last year, he was with Tess and it's weird to think of them... not... together. But I met April tonight. And I liked her a lot, but she honestly reminded me a lot of Tess. So... yeah, nostalgia.
I'm confusing myself.