[Sexuality] Why talk about it?
So, I got a question anonymously about why I am so open about talking about my sexuality. I figured it was worth addressing, so I'm gonna take a quick shot.
The short answer is: lots of reasons. One of which is that I have a weird dichotomy of being evenly introverted and extroverted, and that tends to manifest in me needing to explore and delve and deconstruct in a semi-open way. I'm also both a voyeur and an exhibitionist. But simple thrills aside, there are two more reasons and they are somewhat related.
The first is this: I don't think human sexuality is shameful. At all. Religion aside, if we weren't meant to be sexual creatures, our biological construct would be completely different (and yes, I realize that there are asexual people out there, and while that's a valid lifestyle for them, that's not how most people tend to work). Humans are horny creatures. I don't think that speaks to depravity or immorality. My general thought is that if it can be safely and responsibly done, then there's no reason it shouldn't be. In fact, history shows us that when we have a repressive sexual climate, we get awesome things like the Inquisition, which was chock-full of sexualized torture. The Victorian climate produced Jack the Ripper. Forced celibacy leads to molestation scandals. So on and so forth.
I don't think that remaining silent on these topics is at all helpful, so I'm not. In fact, the only reason why I tend to filter my sexuality posts is that other people are involved, and I want to respect their privacy when requested. Well, that and there are people who just don't want to know, so I like to respect those wishes without forcing them to defriend me. BDSM things are triggery for some people, so I'll usually lock and cut-tag them in a way that I wouldn't, for instance, do for a feminism post.
Plus, I have this personal history where I was constantly being told by people in authority that what I was was wrong or shameful, and out of that history grew a need to take back my own agency. One way I do that is to own my sexuality and talk about it without feeling ashamed. And if I do feel ashamed, I usually talk more, because that's something worth looking at.
The other reason, which is related, is this: visibility is important. Usually I say this in regards to GLBT issues. I'm dating a man, but does that make me straight? No. Yeah, I could easily pass for straight. I could be quiet when someone says "that's so gay" in a derogatory way or tells a fag joke. But instead I choose to be openly out as a bisexual-- in the experiences I've had, it's harder to mock a group when someone in that group that you like is sitting right there. It's so easy for the mainstream group to create a generalized "those people" sort of stance when it comes to gays/lesbians/POCs/etc. That construct gets challenged when "everyday"/"normal"/"respectable"/"nice" people in your everyday life come from those groups. I think that in general, one way to challenge those stereotypes is to be visible.
That, to me, extends to my sexual lifestyle. Trust me, I am in no way an expert on BDSM. My journal is not a classroom. But I do realize that there are lots and lots of misconceptions about BDSM and the type of people who engage in it. And if talking about my own experiences can either dispel some of those misconceptions or start a dialogue, as well as serving my own purposes, then cool. So, I talk. Plus I get emails about people who like to read because it's not their life or their perspective, and if it helps somebody else out, that's also impetus for me.
I think I had more on this subject, but I am pressed for time. Just thought I'd get it out there, in case you were wondering.
The short answer is: lots of reasons. One of which is that I have a weird dichotomy of being evenly introverted and extroverted, and that tends to manifest in me needing to explore and delve and deconstruct in a semi-open way. I'm also both a voyeur and an exhibitionist. But simple thrills aside, there are two more reasons and they are somewhat related.
The first is this: I don't think human sexuality is shameful. At all. Religion aside, if we weren't meant to be sexual creatures, our biological construct would be completely different (and yes, I realize that there are asexual people out there, and while that's a valid lifestyle for them, that's not how most people tend to work). Humans are horny creatures. I don't think that speaks to depravity or immorality. My general thought is that if it can be safely and responsibly done, then there's no reason it shouldn't be. In fact, history shows us that when we have a repressive sexual climate, we get awesome things like the Inquisition, which was chock-full of sexualized torture. The Victorian climate produced Jack the Ripper. Forced celibacy leads to molestation scandals. So on and so forth.
I don't think that remaining silent on these topics is at all helpful, so I'm not. In fact, the only reason why I tend to filter my sexuality posts is that other people are involved, and I want to respect their privacy when requested. Well, that and there are people who just don't want to know, so I like to respect those wishes without forcing them to defriend me. BDSM things are triggery for some people, so I'll usually lock and cut-tag them in a way that I wouldn't, for instance, do for a feminism post.
Plus, I have this personal history where I was constantly being told by people in authority that what I was was wrong or shameful, and out of that history grew a need to take back my own agency. One way I do that is to own my sexuality and talk about it without feeling ashamed. And if I do feel ashamed, I usually talk more, because that's something worth looking at.
The other reason, which is related, is this: visibility is important. Usually I say this in regards to GLBT issues. I'm dating a man, but does that make me straight? No. Yeah, I could easily pass for straight. I could be quiet when someone says "that's so gay" in a derogatory way or tells a fag joke. But instead I choose to be openly out as a bisexual-- in the experiences I've had, it's harder to mock a group when someone in that group that you like is sitting right there. It's so easy for the mainstream group to create a generalized "those people" sort of stance when it comes to gays/lesbians/POCs/etc. That construct gets challenged when "everyday"/"normal"/"respectable"/"nice" people in your everyday life come from those groups. I think that in general, one way to challenge those stereotypes is to be visible.
That, to me, extends to my sexual lifestyle. Trust me, I am in no way an expert on BDSM. My journal is not a classroom. But I do realize that there are lots and lots of misconceptions about BDSM and the type of people who engage in it. And if talking about my own experiences can either dispel some of those misconceptions or start a dialogue, as well as serving my own purposes, then cool. So, I talk. Plus I get emails about people who like to read because it's not their life or their perspective, and if it helps somebody else out, that's also impetus for me.
I think I had more on this subject, but I am pressed for time. Just thought I'd get it out there, in case you were wondering.