Lately I've been thinking about:
1. myself: my ability or inability to be selfless 24-7. and how striving for that is....wait for it...perhaps....maybe...UNHEALTHY. did i just say that? yes. good! admitting is part of stepping away from addiction. right? cause yeah. that's what that is. trying to mother and help and do for other people all the time is more of an addiction that i've picked up in order to not have to man up and see myself. be myself. take care of myself.
2. the no-rest theory: (on a not too dissimilar note) how can we has a people do and not try to do everything. How can I as a woman live my life here in the US of A and not hurt so much by those around me who are without, living on the streets, children who have no parents, or who are growing up neglected, beated, raped, fondled, oh god. or those who are not here who are in places like Darfur, the middle east, etc. how do i not hurt so much that i spend every moment, not just waking moments but every moment aching and ploting and planning to ease their pain? I don't know. I don't know. see #1. I guess it just comes out math wise that i'll have more time to do more good if i take care of myself first right? The question, then, is what is necessary and what is socially constructed? what do i actually need time wise, relationship wise, health wise, material, money wise tot ake care of myself? inevitably i take too much.
3. how invested i become in others lives. I'm a creative nonfiction writer folks. I live off of other people's stories. but where's the line. And when it comes to friends. When do you walk away? or if you know they're making bad decissions how often do you reiterate your opinion. And if they continue to hurt themselves, how gut wrenched do you allow yourself to feel?
2. the no-rest theory: (on a not too dissimilar note) how can we has a people do and not try to do everything. How can I as a woman live my life here in the US of A and not hurt so much by those around me who are without, living on the streets, children who have no parents, or who are growing up neglected, beated, raped, fondled, oh god. or those who are not here who are in places like Darfur, the middle east, etc. how do i not hurt so much that i spend every moment, not just waking moments but every moment aching and ploting and planning to ease their pain? I don't know. I don't know. see #1. I guess it just comes out math wise that i'll have more time to do more good if i take care of myself first right? The question, then, is what is necessary and what is socially constructed? what do i actually need time wise, relationship wise, health wise, material, money wise tot ake care of myself? inevitably i take too much.
3. how invested i become in others lives. I'm a creative nonfiction writer folks. I live off of other people's stories. but where's the line. And when it comes to friends. When do you walk away? or if you know they're making bad decissions how often do you reiterate your opinion. And if they continue to hurt themselves, how gut wrenched do you allow yourself to feel?