Letter to an unknown asshole
Dear fuckwad person,
Thank you so much for breaking out my window in my car and stealing my skate bag. I especially appreciate the fact that you did it just in time for it to snow a whole bunch. And that, as I have been out of work for some time now, we won't be eating for a while so that we can fix the window. I needed to lose some weight anyway. I sincerely hope that you enjoy my embroidered team duffel bag. I'm sure you are more believable as Bombshell Bruiser of the Death Dealers than I am. I really hope that you have a great time with my terribly smelly old skates. And I'm sure that the ghost of Betty Page won't haunt you for stealing the Betty Page laces in my skates. I'm sure my nice pink wheels are just your color. And the smelly helmet, knee, elbow and wrist pads will surely protect you when you fall of a cliff, as I'm sure you won't do as you are a great person. And I'm sure you'll get great use out of the disgusting mouth guards when I kick in your teeth give you a big smootch. And I'm sure you will look wonderful in my capri leggings and bright green bootie shorts. Everyone will love you! As for the skate tools, and first aid kit, and other stuff, I'm sure you needed them more than me. After all, you took all my skate things. Have a nice night. I know I have.
Sincerely,
Bombshell
P.S. I don't really hope that you die in a fire.
Or that rather than dying in said fire, you are terribly burned and in horrible pain for the rest of your life.
Toodles
B-
Thank you so much for breaking out my window in my car and stealing my skate bag. I especially appreciate the fact that you did it just in time for it to snow a whole bunch. And that, as I have been out of work for some time now, we won't be eating for a while so that we can fix the window. I needed to lose some weight anyway. I sincerely hope that you enjoy my embroidered team duffel bag. I'm sure you are more believable as Bombshell Bruiser of the Death Dealers than I am. I really hope that you have a great time with my terribly smelly old skates. And I'm sure that the ghost of Betty Page won't haunt you for stealing the Betty Page laces in my skates. I'm sure my nice pink wheels are just your color. And the smelly helmet, knee, elbow and wrist pads will surely protect you when you fall of a cliff, as I'm sure you won't do as you are a great person. And I'm sure you'll get great use out of the disgusting mouth guards when I kick in your teeth give you a big smootch. And I'm sure you will look wonderful in my capri leggings and bright green bootie shorts. Everyone will love you! As for the skate tools, and first aid kit, and other stuff, I'm sure you needed them more than me. After all, you took all my skate things. Have a nice night. I know I have.
Sincerely,
Bombshell
P.S. I don't really hope that you die in a fire.
Or that rather than dying in said fire, you are terribly burned and in horrible pain for the rest of your life.
Toodles
B-