you were sleeping on the floor, breathing free and even
Oh, I am back in college, aren't I? I am curled up in pyjamas at half-past midnight, drinking a cup of coffee and staring at a blank Word document. Sometimes it's good to be a cliché, I guess! To be fair, I have had a much better attitude toward this paper lately than I have toward other papers. That is, I am not terrified of it. It's just Sartre! It's just five pages! I have an outline! I just need to... actually write it. (Well, when I am done with this coffee I think I will have a shot of vodka and a glass of milk and perhaps that will start my creative juices.)
Both today and yesterday have been surprisingly good! Yesterday I actually did everything I was supposed to. I went to work, went to class -- stuttered through a presentation in Japanese Lit, even -- and met with Neil again. The meeting was... relatively productive, I guess. I discovered that I am feeling less despairing/despondent and more just frustrated that I am taking classes I dislike so much. I told Neil that I hated having to read a text including the phrase, "Being is always the being of being," at which he laughed uproariously and told me that he developed hives whilst reading Heidegger in college. At least I haven't got it that bad! Anyway, that afternoon for three or four hours I seriously considered just throwing my hands in the air and taking a leave of absence, but after doing my Apocalypse assignment (a close reading of the beach dream scene in Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man) I felt much better. (Analyzing literature always cheers me up. Shhh.) I spent the evening reading really awful... gay lumberjack erotica on Google Books with fitz_clementine. This is clearly what the Wikipedia article on long-distance relationships meant when they suggested "sharing online activities". HOT, CREAMY ROPES IS ALL I'M SAYING.
Today has been not terrible, either. I woke up fifteen minutes before class started and slid into a chair on the edge of the classroom, proceeding to spend most of the class session writing a letter to Julia, only pausing to hotly defend Stephen Dedalus from claims of irritating arrogance. ("I mean," I protested, "don't we all sometimes feel like we are more intelligent and in tune with the universe than everyone else, especially our classmates?" On second thought, that might not have been the wisest phrasing.) After class I rushed off to a doctor's appointment to talk about medication -- I (embarrassingly) caught up with the Gosselins in People whilst in the waiting room; I'm relieved to see that Aaden is as adorable as ever -- where I realized that I have no idea what I weigh and that my doctor is possibly too invested in my sex life. UM. But I sat outside in the gorgeous (if a bit too warm) autumn air and wrote more of my letter, then went home to take a nap that ended up being two hours longer than it ought to have been. After waking up and procrastinating a bit more, I walked to Whole Foods and did a grocery shop like a responsible adult! I meant just to buy tea and milk and something quick for dinner, but found myself buying actual groceries. OH WELL. I took a shower, called my mother, ate microwaved Pad Thai, and since have been... typing this entry, vaguely chatting on AIM, and texting Samilee about the self-loathing metalhead she almost hooked up with. Well, I stood in the kitchen making coffee and talking to Tim for a bit -- apparently he really likes Heidegger, so I now feel assured that he can be comprehensible. (According to Tim, Heidegger is "the biggest dude ever". I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.) But it was nice to have a conversation! I leaned against the counter holding my mug in both hands and feeling like an actual person. Always good.
Two things (I just typed THIGHS, Dr. Freud):
1) I am incredibly excited about the news re: Arrested Development. I know I haven't had as long to hope for a return as people who watched it when it was actually on, but. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE BLUTHS AGAIN.
2) The group that was doing monthly MST3K showings at the Bryant-Lake Bowl has been asked to stop screening the episodes. I'm so upset! Now that I am actually old enough to drink at the screenings, I... cannot. Samilee and Jacob and I were going to go tomorrow night, but that is apparently not happening now. (I suppose I could always just... watch episodes on Netflix and drink at home, but IT'S NOT THE SAME.)
Okay. It is 1AM. I should really write this paper!!
Both today and yesterday have been surprisingly good! Yesterday I actually did everything I was supposed to. I went to work, went to class -- stuttered through a presentation in Japanese Lit, even -- and met with Neil again. The meeting was... relatively productive, I guess. I discovered that I am feeling less despairing/despondent and more just frustrated that I am taking classes I dislike so much. I told Neil that I hated having to read a text including the phrase, "Being is always the being of being," at which he laughed uproariously and told me that he developed hives whilst reading Heidegger in college. At least I haven't got it that bad! Anyway, that afternoon for three or four hours I seriously considered just throwing my hands in the air and taking a leave of absence, but after doing my Apocalypse assignment (a close reading of the beach dream scene in Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man) I felt much better. (Analyzing literature always cheers me up. Shhh.) I spent the evening reading really awful... gay lumberjack erotica on Google Books with fitz_clementine. This is clearly what the Wikipedia article on long-distance relationships meant when they suggested "sharing online activities". HOT, CREAMY ROPES IS ALL I'M SAYING.
Today has been not terrible, either. I woke up fifteen minutes before class started and slid into a chair on the edge of the classroom, proceeding to spend most of the class session writing a letter to Julia, only pausing to hotly defend Stephen Dedalus from claims of irritating arrogance. ("I mean," I protested, "don't we all sometimes feel like we are more intelligent and in tune with the universe than everyone else, especially our classmates?" On second thought, that might not have been the wisest phrasing.) After class I rushed off to a doctor's appointment to talk about medication -- I (embarrassingly) caught up with the Gosselins in People whilst in the waiting room; I'm relieved to see that Aaden is as adorable as ever -- where I realized that I have no idea what I weigh and that my doctor is possibly too invested in my sex life. UM. But I sat outside in the gorgeous (if a bit too warm) autumn air and wrote more of my letter, then went home to take a nap that ended up being two hours longer than it ought to have been. After waking up and procrastinating a bit more, I walked to Whole Foods and did a grocery shop like a responsible adult! I meant just to buy tea and milk and something quick for dinner, but found myself buying actual groceries. OH WELL. I took a shower, called my mother, ate microwaved Pad Thai, and since have been... typing this entry, vaguely chatting on AIM, and texting Samilee about the self-loathing metalhead she almost hooked up with. Well, I stood in the kitchen making coffee and talking to Tim for a bit -- apparently he really likes Heidegger, so I now feel assured that he can be comprehensible. (According to Tim, Heidegger is "the biggest dude ever". I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.) But it was nice to have a conversation! I leaned against the counter holding my mug in both hands and feeling like an actual person. Always good.
Two things (I just typed THIGHS, Dr. Freud):
1) I am incredibly excited about the news re: Arrested Development. I know I haven't had as long to hope for a return as people who watched it when it was actually on, but. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE BLUTHS AGAIN.
2) The group that was doing monthly MST3K showings at the Bryant-Lake Bowl has been asked to stop screening the episodes. I'm so upset! Now that I am actually old enough to drink at the screenings, I... cannot. Samilee and Jacob and I were going to go tomorrow night, but that is apparently not happening now. (I suppose I could always just... watch episodes on Netflix and drink at home, but IT'S NOT THE SAME.)
Okay. It is 1AM. I should really write this paper!!