A Little White Lie: Part 6
I need to give credit to my fabulous critique partner/beta reader Aphreal. I don't know what I would do without her.
Title: A Little White Lie - part 6/?
Author: signcherie
Rating: T for this chapter
Pairing: Anders/f!Hawke
Spoilers: End of Act 1
Summary: Hawke is awkward with men. To get her to loosen up around Anders, Bethany and Isabela tell her that the apostate is only romantically interested...in other men.
crossposting to knickerweasels
If you missed the beginning, previous chapters are archived here
And the whole thing is on the kink meme
“I tell you, Hawke,” said Varric, “if I never have to eat deepstalker again it’ll be too soon.”
Hawke raised her eyebrows at him from across the campfire. “Considering we’re still days from the surface, I don’t think you’re going to get that wish.”
Varric groaned. “Just one more crime for which Bartrand will have to pay,” he vowed.
“At least you don’t have to cook the things,” Bethany said. “How did I end up with this job, anyway?”
“I suppose I could cook tomorrow night,” Hawke offered.
“Never mind,” Bethany groaned. “I remember now.”
Despite their complaints, the group was in high spirits. They’d escaped from the abandoned thaig with all of them intact and more treasure than Hawke had ever dreamed of. Enough to bribe the templars away from Bethany--and Anders and Merrill, if necessary--for the rest of their lives.
“Varric,” Anders suggested, “didn’t you know a story about a brother’s betrayal? Something involving a vicious death-by-dragon for the backstabbing villain?”
“Oh, yeah,” Varric said, his face lighting up. “That one does seem particularly appropriate, doesn’t it? You want me to tell it?”
The group agreed wholeheartedly, and Varric launched into his epic tale.
Hawke looked around the campfire, realizing how lucky she was to have such good friends. Family, really. She didn’t know when it had happened, but her ragtag group of misfits--all of them--had become just as important to her as the family she was born with.
She couldn’t wait to get home. She promised herself that once she was back in Kirkwall, she would make sure all of her friends knew exactly how much they meant to her.
Across the flames, Anders gave her a smile. It was that sidelong smile, the one that crinkled up his eyes and always made her heart skip a beat.
Suddenly it didn’t matter that she was stranded in the Deep Roads. At that moment, Hawke thought she just might be the luckiest person in Thedas.
-----
Hawke didn’t think too much of it when Bethany asked to slow down. She knew her sister didn’t have the same stamina as the rest of the group.
But when Bethany collapsed in a heap on the ground, ice cold terror took hold in Hawke’s gut.
“It’s the blight,” Anders said in horror, as Hawke dropped to her knees beside her sister. “I can sense it.”
Tainted by darkspawn. When had that happened? How could Autumn have let the bastards get close enough to infect her?
“I’ll end up just like Wesley, won’t I?” Bethany murmured.
“I’m not going to let that happen,” Hawke answered, willing the words to be true.
“I’m not going to last until the surface.” Bethany gasped. “It’s coming on faster...”
Hawke shuddered.
A lot of images flashed before Autumn’s eyes. Her mother’s betrayed face as they left for the Deep Roads. Ser Wesley’s tainted grey skin as he lay gasping and dying. And for some reason, Karl, pleading for Anders to kill him, the Tranquil brand burning on his forehead.
She’d thought then how awful it would be to have to kill someone you loved. She had barely known Anders at the time, but it had broken her heart. Now, she realized with horror, she would have to do the same. She would have to be the one to put an end to her sister’s life.
Autumn had always been strong, but she didn’t know if she was strong enough for this. No, that wasn’t true. The problem was, she knew she was strong enough. She could look into Bethany’s eyes and slide her blade through her heart.
She just didn’t know how she would live with herself after.
-----
When Bethany fell, Anders’s stomach filled with dread. He knew immediately what had happened. He’d seen it too many times before.
His hand clenched around his staff.
He knew what had to happen now. The blight could not be allowed to spread. It could only cause Bethany more suffering. It had to be ended quickly.
He cared about Bethany. She was a sweet girl and had always been a good friend. He never wanted any harm to come to her. But if it were necessary, he would kill her himself. It wasn’t as if he’d never had to do it before. Mercy killings of the blighted were part of the life of a Grey Warden.
But he knew Hawke would never allow it. She would insist on doing it herself. And that idea made his blood run cold--because he knew what it was to kill someone you loved.
It had destroyed a part of him that he could never get back.
But it would be worse for Autumn. Worse, because while Anders had loved Karl, he hadn’t seen him in years. He knew how to live without him. But Bethany was Autumn’s rock. She was what kept her grounded, who she turned to for support, the person she trusted more than anyone. She’d never gone a day in her life without her sister in it.
Not only that, but Autumn saw herself as Bethany’s protector. She’d made it her job to keep Bethany safe. She’d devoted her life to it.
If he allowed her to kill her sister, he didn’t know who she would be afterwards.
There was another way. It horrified him to think about it, but...the alternative was worse.
He saw her hand twitch over her knife, and he knew he couldn’t let this happen.
“There might be something we can do,” Anders said.
-----
Anders was going to save Bethany.
Hawke listened to his hurried explanations in awe, knowing what this meant for him. He would seek out the Grey Wardens--people he’d escaped from, who might actively be hunting them. People who certainly had no reason to be doing him a favor. He was willing to risk himself for the chance to save Bethany’s life.
She knew this wouldn’t be an easy solution. The life of a Grey Warden was hard, and Bethany was not exactly the military type. She’d lived all her life in the comfort of her family’s love, and she would be stripped from that.
But it was life. It was chance. And life was always worth trying for.
Hawke looked up at Anders, at the emotion in his eyes.
Something clicked into place in her heart.
She’d already known for some time that she was in love with Anders. But at that moment, she hit the point of no return. She knew in an instant that she would do anything for him, could forgive him any sin. And it didn’t matter that he would never love her back. That wasn’t the point.
He was who he was, and so she was his.
-----
Bethany could no longer walk on her own.
Hawke, Anders, and Varric took turns being her support. Hawke always took the longest turns, but Anders and Varric wouldn’t let her tire herself out. Plus, as Varric liked to joke, he was the perfect height to be an armrest, and he never minded getting close to a beautiful woman.
Anders hated what he was about to do. Facing people he never wanted to see again, begging for a favor that probably wasn’t a favor at all. Being a Grey Warden wasn’t a life he would wish on anyone.
He was doing it for Hawke. But he had to be sure that Bethany agreed.
While Hawke and Varric picked off a few straggling darkspawn who had foolishly chosen to attack them, Anders turned to the younger mage.
“Bethany,” he said, “I need to know. Is this what you want?”
Because he would kill her himself if she wanted it. He would tell Hawke that it was too late, that the taint had spread too far. She might hate him for it, but he’d learned as a Grey Warden how to do what must be done.
Bethany’s face, already greying from the blight, was creased with indecision. “I...don’t know. I don’t want to be a Grey Warden...but I don’t want to die, either.”
She bit her lip and looked at her sister, who had just felled another genlock.
“Is there no way for me to go home?” she burst out.
Anders’s eyes stung. He shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Bethany,” he whispered, feeling more helpless than ever.
Bethany hung her head. “Then I trust my sister. I’ll do what she chooses.”
Anders searched her face. “Bethany, are you sure?”
“No,” Bethany replied, “but I’ll do it anyway.”
She was clearly resolved to this path, which was perhaps the most Anders could hope for. He was about to leave her, to help Hawke and Varric in their fight, when Bethany said, “Anders?”
“Yes, Bethany?”
“When you get back...can you tell Isabela I’m sorry?”
Anders didn’t understand the request, but he nodded. “Of course I can.”
Bethany looked at the ground. “Thank you,” she said.
-----
The Grey Wardens were more frightening than Autumn had expected. They looked Bethany over with critical, unimpressed expressions, and none of them smiled.
Maker, thought Autumn, these are the people I’m entrusting with Bethany’s life?
For a second, Hawke was ready to tell them all to go straight to the Void, but then she looked at Bethany’s face again, at the blotchy greyness marring her beautiful features, and she knew she didn’t have a choice.
So she tightened her arm around Bethany, gritted her teeth, and begged.
She could tell that Anders hated it too by the hardness in his eyes, but he added his voice to hers, reminding Stroud of the lack of recruits, vouching for Bethany’s abilities, pointing out the inevitability of her death if they did nothing. Hawke could see Stroud’s reluctance and realized with sudden panic that he wasn’t going to go for it.
Anders looked Stroud straight in the eyes. “I’m asking you,” he said deliberately.
Stroud hesitated, and Hawke sensed there was more going on beneath the surface of the conversation, something that wasn’t being said.
Finally, Stroud shook his head slowly, but there was resignation on his face.
“Very well,” he said. “I will try. But if I do this,” and he looked straight at Anders, “then we are even.”
Hawke wanted to sink to her knees in relief, but Stroud was going on. “If the girl comes, she comes now,” he ordered sharply. “You may not see her again. Being a Grey Warden is not a cure, it is a calling.”
Fear overtook her again. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye, not yet.
“Are you sure about this?” Bethany asked in a low voice, her eyes wide.
Autumn didn’t know what to say, how to reassure her sister when she was so frightened herself. “I wish it hadn’t worked out this way,” she whispered to her, blinking back tears.
Stroud barked an order to his men, who prepared to leave.
“Then...I guess this is it,” Bethany said, her voice breaking. “Take care of Mother.”
All Hawke could do was nod weakly.
For a moment, she thought Bethany was going to ask her something else. But then Stroud was taking her from her arms, and they were walking away, and all she could see was her sister’s disappearing form.
When they were gone, Autumn did something she almost never did. She began to cry.
Anders put his arms around her. “I’m so sorry,” he said helplessly, his voice muffled by her hair. “I’m so sorry.”
-----
Isabela was about to call it a night and return to her room when Varric walked into the Hanged Man.
She nearly spilled her drink in her excitement. “Varric!” she cried. “You’re back!”
Varric looked up at her and mustered a smile. “Always good to see your face, Rivaini.”
“I take it your expedition was a huge success and you and Hawke are disgustingly rich?”
“You...could say that.”
Isabela hugged him, even though he smelled awful. “We should celebrate! Get those gorgeous Hawke sisters down here! I’ll get Merrill and--”
“Rivaini,” Varric interrupted, “I don’t think there’s going to be a party tonight.”
Isabela put on a pout. “I suppose you’re right. You all must be exhausted. We can wait until tomorrow--”
“Bethany didn’t come back.”
Isabela stopped cold. “What?”
Varric nodded unhappily. “It’s true,” he said. “She got infected by the blight.”
The floor was suddenly unsteady. Isabela put a hand on a chair for support.
“She’s...dead?”
“No, thank goodness,” Varric said, and the pirate could breathe again. “But...she won’t be coming back. She’s been conscripted into the Grey Wardens.”
Isabela couldn’t speak.
“I don’t think Hawke is going to be much in the mood to celebrate,” Varric continued. “I’m not either, to be honest. But if you’ll give me an hour or so to bathe and change my clothes, you can come up to my rooms and I’ll tell you about it.”
He gave her a pat on the arm. “It’s really good to see your face, Rivaini,” he said, and left her standing there, unmoving, in the middle of the Hanged Man.
Title: A Little White Lie - part 6/?
Author: signcherie
Rating: T for this chapter
Pairing: Anders/f!Hawke
Spoilers: End of Act 1
Summary: Hawke is awkward with men. To get her to loosen up around Anders, Bethany and Isabela tell her that the apostate is only romantically interested...in other men.
crossposting to knickerweasels
If you missed the beginning, previous chapters are archived here
And the whole thing is on the kink meme
“I tell you, Hawke,” said Varric, “if I never have to eat deepstalker again it’ll be too soon.”
Hawke raised her eyebrows at him from across the campfire. “Considering we’re still days from the surface, I don’t think you’re going to get that wish.”
Varric groaned. “Just one more crime for which Bartrand will have to pay,” he vowed.
“At least you don’t have to cook the things,” Bethany said. “How did I end up with this job, anyway?”
“I suppose I could cook tomorrow night,” Hawke offered.
“Never mind,” Bethany groaned. “I remember now.”
Despite their complaints, the group was in high spirits. They’d escaped from the abandoned thaig with all of them intact and more treasure than Hawke had ever dreamed of. Enough to bribe the templars away from Bethany--and Anders and Merrill, if necessary--for the rest of their lives.
“Varric,” Anders suggested, “didn’t you know a story about a brother’s betrayal? Something involving a vicious death-by-dragon for the backstabbing villain?”
“Oh, yeah,” Varric said, his face lighting up. “That one does seem particularly appropriate, doesn’t it? You want me to tell it?”
The group agreed wholeheartedly, and Varric launched into his epic tale.
Hawke looked around the campfire, realizing how lucky she was to have such good friends. Family, really. She didn’t know when it had happened, but her ragtag group of misfits--all of them--had become just as important to her as the family she was born with.
She couldn’t wait to get home. She promised herself that once she was back in Kirkwall, she would make sure all of her friends knew exactly how much they meant to her.
Across the flames, Anders gave her a smile. It was that sidelong smile, the one that crinkled up his eyes and always made her heart skip a beat.
Suddenly it didn’t matter that she was stranded in the Deep Roads. At that moment, Hawke thought she just might be the luckiest person in Thedas.
-----
Hawke didn’t think too much of it when Bethany asked to slow down. She knew her sister didn’t have the same stamina as the rest of the group.
But when Bethany collapsed in a heap on the ground, ice cold terror took hold in Hawke’s gut.
“It’s the blight,” Anders said in horror, as Hawke dropped to her knees beside her sister. “I can sense it.”
Tainted by darkspawn. When had that happened? How could Autumn have let the bastards get close enough to infect her?
“I’ll end up just like Wesley, won’t I?” Bethany murmured.
“I’m not going to let that happen,” Hawke answered, willing the words to be true.
“I’m not going to last until the surface.” Bethany gasped. “It’s coming on faster...”
Hawke shuddered.
A lot of images flashed before Autumn’s eyes. Her mother’s betrayed face as they left for the Deep Roads. Ser Wesley’s tainted grey skin as he lay gasping and dying. And for some reason, Karl, pleading for Anders to kill him, the Tranquil brand burning on his forehead.
She’d thought then how awful it would be to have to kill someone you loved. She had barely known Anders at the time, but it had broken her heart. Now, she realized with horror, she would have to do the same. She would have to be the one to put an end to her sister’s life.
Autumn had always been strong, but she didn’t know if she was strong enough for this. No, that wasn’t true. The problem was, she knew she was strong enough. She could look into Bethany’s eyes and slide her blade through her heart.
She just didn’t know how she would live with herself after.
-----
When Bethany fell, Anders’s stomach filled with dread. He knew immediately what had happened. He’d seen it too many times before.
His hand clenched around his staff.
He knew what had to happen now. The blight could not be allowed to spread. It could only cause Bethany more suffering. It had to be ended quickly.
He cared about Bethany. She was a sweet girl and had always been a good friend. He never wanted any harm to come to her. But if it were necessary, he would kill her himself. It wasn’t as if he’d never had to do it before. Mercy killings of the blighted were part of the life of a Grey Warden.
But he knew Hawke would never allow it. She would insist on doing it herself. And that idea made his blood run cold--because he knew what it was to kill someone you loved.
It had destroyed a part of him that he could never get back.
But it would be worse for Autumn. Worse, because while Anders had loved Karl, he hadn’t seen him in years. He knew how to live without him. But Bethany was Autumn’s rock. She was what kept her grounded, who she turned to for support, the person she trusted more than anyone. She’d never gone a day in her life without her sister in it.
Not only that, but Autumn saw herself as Bethany’s protector. She’d made it her job to keep Bethany safe. She’d devoted her life to it.
If he allowed her to kill her sister, he didn’t know who she would be afterwards.
There was another way. It horrified him to think about it, but...the alternative was worse.
He saw her hand twitch over her knife, and he knew he couldn’t let this happen.
“There might be something we can do,” Anders said.
-----
Anders was going to save Bethany.
Hawke listened to his hurried explanations in awe, knowing what this meant for him. He would seek out the Grey Wardens--people he’d escaped from, who might actively be hunting them. People who certainly had no reason to be doing him a favor. He was willing to risk himself for the chance to save Bethany’s life.
She knew this wouldn’t be an easy solution. The life of a Grey Warden was hard, and Bethany was not exactly the military type. She’d lived all her life in the comfort of her family’s love, and she would be stripped from that.
But it was life. It was chance. And life was always worth trying for.
Hawke looked up at Anders, at the emotion in his eyes.
Something clicked into place in her heart.
She’d already known for some time that she was in love with Anders. But at that moment, she hit the point of no return. She knew in an instant that she would do anything for him, could forgive him any sin. And it didn’t matter that he would never love her back. That wasn’t the point.
He was who he was, and so she was his.
-----
Bethany could no longer walk on her own.
Hawke, Anders, and Varric took turns being her support. Hawke always took the longest turns, but Anders and Varric wouldn’t let her tire herself out. Plus, as Varric liked to joke, he was the perfect height to be an armrest, and he never minded getting close to a beautiful woman.
Anders hated what he was about to do. Facing people he never wanted to see again, begging for a favor that probably wasn’t a favor at all. Being a Grey Warden wasn’t a life he would wish on anyone.
He was doing it for Hawke. But he had to be sure that Bethany agreed.
While Hawke and Varric picked off a few straggling darkspawn who had foolishly chosen to attack them, Anders turned to the younger mage.
“Bethany,” he said, “I need to know. Is this what you want?”
Because he would kill her himself if she wanted it. He would tell Hawke that it was too late, that the taint had spread too far. She might hate him for it, but he’d learned as a Grey Warden how to do what must be done.
Bethany’s face, already greying from the blight, was creased with indecision. “I...don’t know. I don’t want to be a Grey Warden...but I don’t want to die, either.”
She bit her lip and looked at her sister, who had just felled another genlock.
“Is there no way for me to go home?” she burst out.
Anders’s eyes stung. He shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Bethany,” he whispered, feeling more helpless than ever.
Bethany hung her head. “Then I trust my sister. I’ll do what she chooses.”
Anders searched her face. “Bethany, are you sure?”
“No,” Bethany replied, “but I’ll do it anyway.”
She was clearly resolved to this path, which was perhaps the most Anders could hope for. He was about to leave her, to help Hawke and Varric in their fight, when Bethany said, “Anders?”
“Yes, Bethany?”
“When you get back...can you tell Isabela I’m sorry?”
Anders didn’t understand the request, but he nodded. “Of course I can.”
Bethany looked at the ground. “Thank you,” she said.
-----
The Grey Wardens were more frightening than Autumn had expected. They looked Bethany over with critical, unimpressed expressions, and none of them smiled.
Maker, thought Autumn, these are the people I’m entrusting with Bethany’s life?
For a second, Hawke was ready to tell them all to go straight to the Void, but then she looked at Bethany’s face again, at the blotchy greyness marring her beautiful features, and she knew she didn’t have a choice.
So she tightened her arm around Bethany, gritted her teeth, and begged.
She could tell that Anders hated it too by the hardness in his eyes, but he added his voice to hers, reminding Stroud of the lack of recruits, vouching for Bethany’s abilities, pointing out the inevitability of her death if they did nothing. Hawke could see Stroud’s reluctance and realized with sudden panic that he wasn’t going to go for it.
Anders looked Stroud straight in the eyes. “I’m asking you,” he said deliberately.
Stroud hesitated, and Hawke sensed there was more going on beneath the surface of the conversation, something that wasn’t being said.
Finally, Stroud shook his head slowly, but there was resignation on his face.
“Very well,” he said. “I will try. But if I do this,” and he looked straight at Anders, “then we are even.”
Hawke wanted to sink to her knees in relief, but Stroud was going on. “If the girl comes, she comes now,” he ordered sharply. “You may not see her again. Being a Grey Warden is not a cure, it is a calling.”
Fear overtook her again. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye, not yet.
“Are you sure about this?” Bethany asked in a low voice, her eyes wide.
Autumn didn’t know what to say, how to reassure her sister when she was so frightened herself. “I wish it hadn’t worked out this way,” she whispered to her, blinking back tears.
Stroud barked an order to his men, who prepared to leave.
“Then...I guess this is it,” Bethany said, her voice breaking. “Take care of Mother.”
All Hawke could do was nod weakly.
For a moment, she thought Bethany was going to ask her something else. But then Stroud was taking her from her arms, and they were walking away, and all she could see was her sister’s disappearing form.
When they were gone, Autumn did something she almost never did. She began to cry.
Anders put his arms around her. “I’m so sorry,” he said helplessly, his voice muffled by her hair. “I’m so sorry.”
-----
Isabela was about to call it a night and return to her room when Varric walked into the Hanged Man.
She nearly spilled her drink in her excitement. “Varric!” she cried. “You’re back!”
Varric looked up at her and mustered a smile. “Always good to see your face, Rivaini.”
“I take it your expedition was a huge success and you and Hawke are disgustingly rich?”
“You...could say that.”
Isabela hugged him, even though he smelled awful. “We should celebrate! Get those gorgeous Hawke sisters down here! I’ll get Merrill and--”
“Rivaini,” Varric interrupted, “I don’t think there’s going to be a party tonight.”
Isabela put on a pout. “I suppose you’re right. You all must be exhausted. We can wait until tomorrow--”
“Bethany didn’t come back.”
Isabela stopped cold. “What?”
Varric nodded unhappily. “It’s true,” he said. “She got infected by the blight.”
The floor was suddenly unsteady. Isabela put a hand on a chair for support.
“She’s...dead?”
“No, thank goodness,” Varric said, and the pirate could breathe again. “But...she won’t be coming back. She’s been conscripted into the Grey Wardens.”
Isabela couldn’t speak.
“I don’t think Hawke is going to be much in the mood to celebrate,” Varric continued. “I’m not either, to be honest. But if you’ll give me an hour or so to bathe and change my clothes, you can come up to my rooms and I’ll tell you about it.”
He gave her a pat on the arm. “It’s really good to see your face, Rivaini,” he said, and left her standing there, unmoving, in the middle of the Hanged Man.