comments...
anonymous
November 7 2004, 05:04:30 UTC
I can't follow the passage of time in this very well. It seems to shift back and forth several times between the 2 & 1/2 hours when you are content with working and the present. It's easy to go back and forth in time without ever consciously thinking about it in words, because you've got some other part of your brain keeping track of it all. So when editing you should make sure to add here and there to make up for all the information that you never needed to put into words while thinking about it yourself. (The human brain's methods for unconsciously keeping track of where things are in space/time must be pretty damn effective. After all, I could tell you a lot more about what happened in Macedonia in 1912 than I could about my own life.)
That's a big problem but I don't notice any others right now, except obviously the lack of attention to punctuation and all that bullshit. Seems like you're doing a lot better at organizing your ideas into sentences that are easy to follow, but that could just be me being less retarded than I was when reading your stuff in the past.
Now that I think about it, almost all of the mistakes in your writing are related to the way that you talk. You are far better at speaking than anyone else I've ever heard, but a few things have to be adapted to fit that style into writing. Oh yeah, and you also make a lot of mistakes because you're such a homo. Oh, no wait, I was thinking of Dick Rumsfeld in Iraq...
Re: comments...
anonymous
November 7 2004, 14:07:39 UTC
Yay, Jeff Green!
Oh and Jake, I hope you don't mind. I am stealing your personality for a character in one of my stories. And even if you do mind... well ... too bad, because I'm not rewriting this shit.
That's a big problem but I don't notice any others right now, except obviously the lack of attention to punctuation and all that bullshit. Seems like you're doing a lot better at organizing your ideas into sentences that are easy to follow, but that could just be me being less retarded than I was when reading your stuff in the past.
Now that I think about it, almost all of the mistakes in your writing are related to the way that you talk. You are far better at speaking than anyone else I've ever heard, but a few things have to be adapted to fit that style into writing. Oh yeah, and you also make a lot of mistakes because you're such a homo. Oh, no wait, I was thinking of Dick Rumsfeld in Iraq...
Jeff Green
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Oh and Jake, I hope you don't mind. I am stealing your personality for a character in one of my stories. And even if you do mind... well ... too bad, because I'm not rewriting this shit.
-Gayle
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