lost in confusion
I feel like I've been wasting a lot of my time on things that won't matter in the long run, or on waiting for events to arrive.
Exhibit A: This entire year was basically a count down. How many weeks until Homecoming? Until cross country was finally over? Winter break? Spring break? Prom? Graduation? I lived for events that were supposed to mean something and I forget what happened in my life in between them. And even now I can't get out of that funk. You'd think that since summer vacation is finally here, the one before college that I would be relaxed and carefree. But actually I'm stressed because I feel like I don't have enough time to do what I want such as camp with my friends, have movie nights, go on picnics, talk to people (the good kind of talks like last night), read an entire book (god it's been so long since i've read something all the way through for my own pleasure), exercise, lay out, spend a day in bed, etc.
Exhibit B: Instead of doing the things I want to be doing, I am spending every day either working or babysitting, some days both. Yet I somehow still manage to be dead broke. June is an evil month when it comes to grad presents, father's day, and birthdays. I am so behind.
Exhibit C: I try to cram too much into one day which makes it impossible for me to relax. I always have to be jumping from one place to the next. It's like i feel uneasy if I don't have a million things to do or places to be.
Now if you'll excuse me I must leave this incomplete because I must go to bed so I can get up early, clean my room and head off to work.
PS. I'm torn between being nice to everyone and trying to love them all or just saying "fuck you" to the people I really can't stand because they aren't worth my time...
Exhibit A: This entire year was basically a count down. How many weeks until Homecoming? Until cross country was finally over? Winter break? Spring break? Prom? Graduation? I lived for events that were supposed to mean something and I forget what happened in my life in between them. And even now I can't get out of that funk. You'd think that since summer vacation is finally here, the one before college that I would be relaxed and carefree. But actually I'm stressed because I feel like I don't have enough time to do what I want such as camp with my friends, have movie nights, go on picnics, talk to people (the good kind of talks like last night), read an entire book (god it's been so long since i've read something all the way through for my own pleasure), exercise, lay out, spend a day in bed, etc.
Exhibit B: Instead of doing the things I want to be doing, I am spending every day either working or babysitting, some days both. Yet I somehow still manage to be dead broke. June is an evil month when it comes to grad presents, father's day, and birthdays. I am so behind.
Exhibit C: I try to cram too much into one day which makes it impossible for me to relax. I always have to be jumping from one place to the next. It's like i feel uneasy if I don't have a million things to do or places to be.
Now if you'll excuse me I must leave this incomplete because I must go to bed so I can get up early, clean my room and head off to work.
PS. I'm torn between being nice to everyone and trying to love them all or just saying "fuck you" to the people I really can't stand because they aren't worth my time...