well, shit
I am moving after tomorrow. I leave Thursday morning. Tomorrow is my last day to see everyone I need to and still get some last minute shit done. As I predicted the depression has set in. Through out the day I drifted in and out of spirit until I broke down a little while ago. I actually cried about leaving, which is so mind blowing because 1. I HATE it here and 2. I fucking rarely cry.
But I realize now, that as much as I hate it here, I really wouldn't want to choose another place to be for hte past whatever years. The friendships I have made are more than I could have ever hoped for and the friendships that I am in the process of making are that much better.
That is why it is hard to leave. It is the frienships. The thought of not having Duane around hurts, the thought that my frienship with Ken and the others is not going to get to the point where I would have liked it to be, hurts. But that is life I guess, and life hurts.
Tomorrow is the last day I get to spend with my dog. That hurts the most. I love the little guy. He is what taught me responsibility when I had none and showed me I could love something(which for all my life I thought was not possible, not even my parents). I know he will be well cared for, my mom adores him adn he adores her but waking up without the little warmth on my stomach is going to be so odd. And I wont be there when he comes in to go to bed.
The fact that last night was the last practice I was going to attend of my friend's band hurts, as well. I know that I am going to go on tour with them this January(European tour, nothing big) doesn't bring me much comfort at the moment. I am still going to be part of the team but being far away is going to be hard to adjust to. I'm partly doing this for them anyway. I am taking managment, I need that to take them to the next level.
Fuck, I'm rambling. I know I'm going to love it there, and I know I'll make incredible friends, but until I get there and am in the situation everything is going to hurt.
But I realize now, that as much as I hate it here, I really wouldn't want to choose another place to be for hte past whatever years. The friendships I have made are more than I could have ever hoped for and the friendships that I am in the process of making are that much better.
That is why it is hard to leave. It is the frienships. The thought of not having Duane around hurts, the thought that my frienship with Ken and the others is not going to get to the point where I would have liked it to be, hurts. But that is life I guess, and life hurts.
Tomorrow is the last day I get to spend with my dog. That hurts the most. I love the little guy. He is what taught me responsibility when I had none and showed me I could love something(which for all my life I thought was not possible, not even my parents). I know he will be well cared for, my mom adores him adn he adores her but waking up without the little warmth on my stomach is going to be so odd. And I wont be there when he comes in to go to bed.
The fact that last night was the last practice I was going to attend of my friend's band hurts, as well. I know that I am going to go on tour with them this January(European tour, nothing big) doesn't bring me much comfort at the moment. I am still going to be part of the team but being far away is going to be hard to adjust to. I'm partly doing this for them anyway. I am taking managment, I need that to take them to the next level.
Fuck, I'm rambling. I know I'm going to love it there, and I know I'll make incredible friends, but until I get there and am in the situation everything is going to hurt.