Nothing in Particular to Accomplish, Day the First
I am on day one of a many-day sabbatical (read: forced vacation) from work. You would think this would be a fun and exciting adventure to thrill and awe the faint of heart. Not so, my virtual friend. Instead, I am discovering just now, most of you mangy bastards works during the day. There seems to be upsides and downsides to this... Upside: you are all about the world, awaiting the moment I spring forth from my home, at which point you rush about to service my wants and needs unto the limit of my cash-money. Downside: none of you really exist to follow me about in some shenanigan-ery, being of the working sorts.
As a result, I am seriously considering saying fuckall to this and ejecting toward Vegas... the Land that Propriety Forgot. I would, however, enjoy doing this in a manner where I could have at least one of you there with me as some sort of emergency Jimminy Cricket routine... you know: Dav, please don't kill that hooker by choking her out on menthol shaving cream, it will prevent you from drinking more scotch for 2-5 (because killing a hooker can't net you more than that in jail on average, right?).
To give you some impression of my day today:
8 a.m. - Wake up. Why? Dunno, but there I am, awake. So I get up and prepare for the day as if I were to go to work.
8:30 a.m. - All dressed-up, nowhere to go. Fuck. I check the news, maybe something cool has blown-up in distant or even nearby (I ain't picky) lands... watching something of the misery of those I do not know usually entertains me for a few moments. Alas, people seem to have largely stopped shooting at each other in front of cameras (whether due to a dearth of cameras near the shootings, or a dearth of shootings in general, I am unaware, though I am inclined to assume the former?).
9:30-ish a.m. - I drink some tea. It is good. I play some Sins of a Solar Empire for a few hours. It is also good.
12-ish p.m. (though, properly, wouldn't that just be "m"?) - Have some lunch. Mmmmm. I was going to go out for lunch, but, unfortunately, I had perfectly acceptable foods at home. I ate those foods at home out of spite, and a secret hope that by eating them, they would not be there to hold me back from venturing forth tomorrow (see? I plan...).
12:30-ish p.m. - Check the internet. I hate the internet... unlike many of the more egalitarian amongst you, I feel that giving the average fucktard a voice and a podium is a Bad Idea. The result, largely, has been a rampant murdering of the English language, as well as the death knell of research methodology and general scientific problem-solving. Fucking internet, fucking wikipedia... fucking breeding abilities of humans...
1 p.m. - Having spent an inordinate amount of time online, I feel I have seen EVERYTHING there is to see on the internet. It is none-too impressive. I check the news again, maybe someone has a sparked a war or armed conflict or someone flew a plane into a building or something. Nope. The DNC starts today at 3-ish, my time... well probably at 3 p.m., as, unlike myself, the DNC is probably not event-time driven. I give-up on sanity and try0out the Fable II Pub Games.
2 p.m. - I have a gambling problem. After a few minutes with a pen and paper, assessing differing odds and boards on the Fable II Pub Game Keystone, I become a statistical nerd, realizing that, in a sampling of approximately 300 rolls, the dice are not rolling a normal distribution for three dice, they are, in fact, skewed away from the mean expected value on three dice, and seem to peak at a value roughly one standard deviation away from the mean expected value on both ends of the distribution curve. Wow. Okay. I begin to bet my inside bets accordingly. Now I have accumulated something on the order of about 25000 chips. It is only after roughly twenty minutes of this mind-numbing trait that I realize that LB bumps a bet to table max, and RB replaces all bets to be identical to the last roll. HOOLLLLEEEEYYYY SSSSSHHHHEEEEEIIIIIIIT, now we's rollin'!
2:30 p.m. - I become very angry when I realize that I have been unlocking ass-tons of various other tables of Keystone, wherein I could have been making crazier money. I proceed to try one of them, and realize that the statistical distribution for rolls on different color Keystone tables is different. I also realize that my nerdiness has seemed to have run dry of steam. I further realize that I have opened up a variety of tournaments. I enter said tournaments, I win prizes for my (at this time) inexistent Fable 2 guy. Profit.
3-ish p.m. - I stop my gambling addiction to check-out some hot DNC action. I want to see some opening ceremonies to put Beijing to shame or something. Nope. It sucks. It sucks a lot. Something about keeping Social Security around... which is a bone-fucking-headed idea. Something about families and children and the Future (not like hovercraft future, but more like some sort of trees+puppies+children future)... which sucks a lot (I want hovercraft future, or no future). I hate the DNC, apparently... and America... which is fine.
4 p.m. - THERE IS NOTHING TO FUCKING DO. I get my kit together to go outside and realize I am hearing an ominous noise as I do so. Fuck it. I do it. I go outside. Oh shit, some big yellow wyrm, its teeth blackened by chomping upon the hopes of bachelors everywhere, approaches. It sloughs its way toward me, eyes shining painfully in the daylight. And it stops. I think about trying to treat with the obscene beast, all angles and bizarre forms, and it exhales menacingly, ending my bravery. Then, without warning, an earflap peels back and a horde of locusts... or something... emerges, swarming around the area. Oh shit, kids. FUCK! I flick my cigarette angrily at one of them and stomp back inside, ceding the lawn to the little fuckers.
4:15 p.m. - Maybe someone at the DNC has declared war or armed conflict or flown a fucking plane into Denver or something. I check the news. Nope. Still with the Future (that trees+puppies+children shit, not hovercrafts) and some really slow-witted, non-public speaking white guy reading from a TelePrompTer. The marquee at the bottom of the screen says he is somebody from somewhere, I honestly can't recall. He sucks. I don't even know him and I hate him. Fuck that guy.
5 p.m. - Maybe I'll take a nap... not because I am tired, but because it will be like time travel. I lay down. Ten minutes in, phone rings. The grrl. Hello, grrl! We chat for like ten minutes, which may be a record of some kind. She realizes I am losing my shit over here. She offers to bring home Chinese Food. Okay, I was gonna motivate and go shopping for ingredients and cook and stuff... that is gone now. Chinese Food. I like Chinese Food.
5:10 p.m. - I play some more Fable 2 Pub Games. I am an addict. I make crazy money for my Fable 2 (inexistent) character.
6 p.m. - Cubs play. Yay! Something to do. I turn it on and watch for a bit. They are up 5-0 in the third. Like 10-0 in the fifth. Good for them, bad for me... really little point in watching the rest of the game. Fuck.
7 p.m. - I flip around, just checking to make sure the DNC doesn't decide to up and get interesting at any time (it doesn't). I watch a bit of Seattle Vs. San Diego MNF, but I don't, honestly, give a shit.
8 p.m. - I grow bored and read some of Yasser Seirawan's Chess Openings. It is decent, but does not really feature the comparative analysis I am looking for. My attention wanders. I begin to read some stuff I picked-up long ago on Brane Cosmology and cyclic universe theory. Mmmm, tasty science.
9 p.m. - I put my science back in my pants, the grrl will be home soon with Chinese Food, and Weeds is on. I watch Weeds. Grrl arrives. Chinese Food is eaten.
9:30 p.m. - Weeds ends, not a good episode. Oh well. I try to watch some Californication (it is basically soft-core porn with drinking and smoking and David Duchovny as misanthropic writer, which disturbs me on many levels... seems like a winning combo for me, right? Well, strangely, it cannot hold my interest worth a damn. I keep flipping between the DNC and soft-core porn. They are about the same: no money-shots, no pink stuff, but a lot of incoherent grunting.
10 p.m. - Bored off my ass, I chalk the day to a loss. The grrl and I start to pass-out on the couch, me out of tear-rending boredom, she from actual tiredness.
1 a.m. - Apparently, the couch did not agree with the grrl, who went to bed. I join her.
3 a.m. - Because life is cruel and hates me (and I hate it right back, only better), I am awake now. Fuck. I tool about, reading more Brane Cosmology, but not wanting to finish my books for lack of future reading (I get all weirded-out about finishing a book before I "have another in the pipe").
4 a.m. - I decide, because my day sucked so hard, that you must all read about it. READ IT!
4:30-ish a.m. - Post this, decide to play some DS... or maybe drink a bottle of wine (I went to the Satek Winery recently and procured Blackberry Wine, Mango Wine, and Raspberry Wine... mmmmm).
As a result, I am seriously considering saying fuckall to this and ejecting toward Vegas... the Land that Propriety Forgot. I would, however, enjoy doing this in a manner where I could have at least one of you there with me as some sort of emergency Jimminy Cricket routine... you know: Dav, please don't kill that hooker by choking her out on menthol shaving cream, it will prevent you from drinking more scotch for 2-5 (because killing a hooker can't net you more than that in jail on average, right?).
To give you some impression of my day today:
8 a.m. - Wake up. Why? Dunno, but there I am, awake. So I get up and prepare for the day as if I were to go to work.
8:30 a.m. - All dressed-up, nowhere to go. Fuck. I check the news, maybe something cool has blown-up in distant or even nearby (I ain't picky) lands... watching something of the misery of those I do not know usually entertains me for a few moments. Alas, people seem to have largely stopped shooting at each other in front of cameras (whether due to a dearth of cameras near the shootings, or a dearth of shootings in general, I am unaware, though I am inclined to assume the former?).
9:30-ish a.m. - I drink some tea. It is good. I play some Sins of a Solar Empire for a few hours. It is also good.
12-ish p.m. (though, properly, wouldn't that just be "m"?) - Have some lunch. Mmmmm. I was going to go out for lunch, but, unfortunately, I had perfectly acceptable foods at home. I ate those foods at home out of spite, and a secret hope that by eating them, they would not be there to hold me back from venturing forth tomorrow (see? I plan...).
12:30-ish p.m. - Check the internet. I hate the internet... unlike many of the more egalitarian amongst you, I feel that giving the average fucktard a voice and a podium is a Bad Idea. The result, largely, has been a rampant murdering of the English language, as well as the death knell of research methodology and general scientific problem-solving. Fucking internet, fucking wikipedia... fucking breeding abilities of humans...
1 p.m. - Having spent an inordinate amount of time online, I feel I have seen EVERYTHING there is to see on the internet. It is none-too impressive. I check the news again, maybe someone has a sparked a war or armed conflict or someone flew a plane into a building or something. Nope. The DNC starts today at 3-ish, my time... well probably at 3 p.m., as, unlike myself, the DNC is probably not event-time driven. I give-up on sanity and try0out the Fable II Pub Games.
2 p.m. - I have a gambling problem. After a few minutes with a pen and paper, assessing differing odds and boards on the Fable II Pub Game Keystone, I become a statistical nerd, realizing that, in a sampling of approximately 300 rolls, the dice are not rolling a normal distribution for three dice, they are, in fact, skewed away from the mean expected value on three dice, and seem to peak at a value roughly one standard deviation away from the mean expected value on both ends of the distribution curve. Wow. Okay. I begin to bet my inside bets accordingly. Now I have accumulated something on the order of about 25000 chips. It is only after roughly twenty minutes of this mind-numbing trait that I realize that LB bumps a bet to table max, and RB replaces all bets to be identical to the last roll. HOOLLLLEEEEYYYY SSSSSHHHHEEEEEIIIIIIIT, now we's rollin'!
2:30 p.m. - I become very angry when I realize that I have been unlocking ass-tons of various other tables of Keystone, wherein I could have been making crazier money. I proceed to try one of them, and realize that the statistical distribution for rolls on different color Keystone tables is different. I also realize that my nerdiness has seemed to have run dry of steam. I further realize that I have opened up a variety of tournaments. I enter said tournaments, I win prizes for my (at this time) inexistent Fable 2 guy. Profit.
3-ish p.m. - I stop my gambling addiction to check-out some hot DNC action. I want to see some opening ceremonies to put Beijing to shame or something. Nope. It sucks. It sucks a lot. Something about keeping Social Security around... which is a bone-fucking-headed idea. Something about families and children and the Future (not like hovercraft future, but more like some sort of trees+puppies+children future)... which sucks a lot (I want hovercraft future, or no future). I hate the DNC, apparently... and America... which is fine.
4 p.m. - THERE IS NOTHING TO FUCKING DO. I get my kit together to go outside and realize I am hearing an ominous noise as I do so. Fuck it. I do it. I go outside. Oh shit, some big yellow wyrm, its teeth blackened by chomping upon the hopes of bachelors everywhere, approaches. It sloughs its way toward me, eyes shining painfully in the daylight. And it stops. I think about trying to treat with the obscene beast, all angles and bizarre forms, and it exhales menacingly, ending my bravery. Then, without warning, an earflap peels back and a horde of locusts... or something... emerges, swarming around the area. Oh shit, kids. FUCK! I flick my cigarette angrily at one of them and stomp back inside, ceding the lawn to the little fuckers.
4:15 p.m. - Maybe someone at the DNC has declared war or armed conflict or flown a fucking plane into Denver or something. I check the news. Nope. Still with the Future (that trees+puppies+children shit, not hovercrafts) and some really slow-witted, non-public speaking white guy reading from a TelePrompTer. The marquee at the bottom of the screen says he is somebody from somewhere, I honestly can't recall. He sucks. I don't even know him and I hate him. Fuck that guy.
5 p.m. - Maybe I'll take a nap... not because I am tired, but because it will be like time travel. I lay down. Ten minutes in, phone rings. The grrl. Hello, grrl! We chat for like ten minutes, which may be a record of some kind. She realizes I am losing my shit over here. She offers to bring home Chinese Food. Okay, I was gonna motivate and go shopping for ingredients and cook and stuff... that is gone now. Chinese Food. I like Chinese Food.
5:10 p.m. - I play some more Fable 2 Pub Games. I am an addict. I make crazy money for my Fable 2 (inexistent) character.
6 p.m. - Cubs play. Yay! Something to do. I turn it on and watch for a bit. They are up 5-0 in the third. Like 10-0 in the fifth. Good for them, bad for me... really little point in watching the rest of the game. Fuck.
7 p.m. - I flip around, just checking to make sure the DNC doesn't decide to up and get interesting at any time (it doesn't). I watch a bit of Seattle Vs. San Diego MNF, but I don't, honestly, give a shit.
8 p.m. - I grow bored and read some of Yasser Seirawan's Chess Openings. It is decent, but does not really feature the comparative analysis I am looking for. My attention wanders. I begin to read some stuff I picked-up long ago on Brane Cosmology and cyclic universe theory. Mmmm, tasty science.
9 p.m. - I put my science back in my pants, the grrl will be home soon with Chinese Food, and Weeds is on. I watch Weeds. Grrl arrives. Chinese Food is eaten.
9:30 p.m. - Weeds ends, not a good episode. Oh well. I try to watch some Californication (it is basically soft-core porn with drinking and smoking and David Duchovny as misanthropic writer, which disturbs me on many levels... seems like a winning combo for me, right? Well, strangely, it cannot hold my interest worth a damn. I keep flipping between the DNC and soft-core porn. They are about the same: no money-shots, no pink stuff, but a lot of incoherent grunting.
10 p.m. - Bored off my ass, I chalk the day to a loss. The grrl and I start to pass-out on the couch, me out of tear-rending boredom, she from actual tiredness.
1 a.m. - Apparently, the couch did not agree with the grrl, who went to bed. I join her.
3 a.m. - Because life is cruel and hates me (and I hate it right back, only better), I am awake now. Fuck. I tool about, reading more Brane Cosmology, but not wanting to finish my books for lack of future reading (I get all weirded-out about finishing a book before I "have another in the pipe").
4 a.m. - I decide, because my day sucked so hard, that you must all read about it. READ IT!
4:30-ish a.m. - Post this, decide to play some DS... or maybe drink a bottle of wine (I went to the Satek Winery recently and procured Blackberry Wine, Mango Wine, and Raspberry Wine... mmmmm).