(no subject)
iamthe kaai: i got really drunk last night. i slept on my floor. i wrote like 3 pages of the most depressing shit ever. i drew a sad picture and i wanted to kill someone.
fogatron x: thats the best thing ive ever read
iamthe kaai: i think i'm dropping at of school after this semester
fogatron x: whaaat?!
fogatron x: like for good
iamthe kaai: ? who knows
iamthe kaai: i was in the most fucked up mood
fogatron x: been there, man, been there
iamthe kaai: i'm tired of structure
fogatron x: so wait
iamthe kaai: wait for what
fogatron x: structure impossible to avoid in our society.
iamthe kaai: til i die?
fogatron x: no
fogatron x: no
iamthe kaai: nope
iamthe kaai: not true
fogatron x: structure and happiness go hand in hand in our society
iamthe kaai: not impossible
fogatron x: how so
iamthe kaai: exactly, and i hate what our society is
fogatron x: so do I
iamthe kaai: i don't want to live in america
fogatron x: society is a human structure, you can't escape it
fogatron x: there are different forms
fogatron x: but it never goes away
iamthe kaai: i want to completely alone for about 5 months
fogatron x: you'd be so fucking weird
fogatron x: seriously
fogatron x: ive been completely alone for a week
fogatron x: and i lost all social skills
fogatron x: i had 1 week of pure introspective contemplation and it freaked me out
iamthe kaai: you were probably on the internet
fogatron x: yeah, but only counterstrike
fogatron x: no aim, no myspace
fogatron x: most of it i just laid in my bed
iamthe kaai: i don't want any communication
iamthe kaai: just instruments
iamthe kaai: and books
fogatron x: im down for doing this
iamthe kaai: a book would by my link to relate to someone
iamthe kaai: be*
fogatron x: alright then
fogatron x: so wait are you really dropping out of school?
iamthe kaai: music would be my way to communicate
iamthe kaai: i think i'm just going to quit after this semester
iamthe kaai: school is not for me
iamthe kaai: never has been
fogatron x: wow
fogatron x: im so proud of you
fogatron x: its ridiculous
iamthe kaai: the last 20 years of my life have been full of things i haven't wanted to do
iamthe kaai: so i'm going to take a year off and find out what makes me happy
fogatron x: Ive always thought the same things as what youre telling me now, ive just never had the support to actually go do them
fogatron x: and I think now I do
iamthe kaai: i just need to come up with some sort of plan
fogatron x: so you would want to work in denton and live and not go to school for a year?
fogatron x: we'd have to work
iamthe kaai: i'm dropping all this on my parents next time i go home
fogatron x: damn
iamthe kaai: nope
fogatron x: how would we not work?
iamthe kaai: don't want to live anywhere
fogatron x: explain
iamthe kaai: i want to travel
fogatron x: you need money
iamthe kaai: i know
fogatron x: where would you get this money?
iamthe kaai: i would probably work for about 3 months and then quit and travel for about 5 months
iamthe kaai: and keep doing that until i figure out how to live without a job
iamthe kaai: or maybe i'll figure out why i'm unhappy and then i can settle down and fix my problems
fogatron x: you are not supposed to be happy
fogatron x: thats where you are failing to realize
iamthe kaai: yes i am
fogatron x: "happiness is not a fish you can catch"
iamthe kaai: i want to be happy
fogatron x: you cant be happy
fogatron x: short of filling yourself with xanax every day
iamthe kaai: that may be so, but i'm not giving up on it
fogatron x: well, then
fogatron x: I like your attitude at least
fogatron x: haha
iamthe kaai: i've only lived about 1/5 of the average human
iamthe kaai: i'm not ruling out hapiness
fogatron x: can i be your sidekick on this (for lack of a better word) spiritual awakening?
iamthe kaai: happiness
iamthe kaai: for sure
fogatron x: yessss
iamthe kaai: ....maybe
iamthe kaai: haha
fogatron x: haha
fogatron x: : (
fogatron x: if not I understand
iamthe kaai: it's kind of a personal thing. i really want to go through with this
iamthe kaai: i wish i would have taken a year off between high school and college
iamthe kaai: but that would have been the wrong time to do this
iamthe kaai: i'm at a point where i don't care about anything
iamthe kaai: so anything i lose is fine with me
iamthe kaai: if i am trapped here any longer i'm going to go crazy
fogatron x: : /
iamthe kaai: the reason i liked before sunrise so much
iamthe kaai: it captured exactly how i feel about relationships
iamthe kaai: after that first moment you fall in love it just declines
iamthe kaai: i love the idea of falling madly in love with someone and agreeing to never see each other again.
iamthe kaai: it's perfect
fogatron x: yeah but how often do you find that initial spark?
fogatron x: you'd be alone 99% of your life
iamthe kaai: all the fucking time
fogatron x: all the fucking time?
fogatron x: really?
iamthe kaai: yes
iamthe kaai: after awhile you would see that love is not special
fogatron x: the problem with your logic here is that you will age
iamthe kaai: so
fogatron x: half of love is attraction
iamthe kaai: in the next 5 years i am hoping to learn to be totally independant
fogatron x: hmm
fogatron x: well good luck
fogatron x: thats hard
iamthe kaai: i have nothing to look forward to in my life right now which is why i'm depressed
fogatron x: I feel like im your super ego right now and you are debating something in your head, and im replying back to your thoughts with your arguing thoughts
iamthe kaai: yeah pretty much
fogatron x: I dont know O_O
fogatron x: thats the best thing ive ever read
iamthe kaai: i think i'm dropping at of school after this semester
fogatron x: whaaat?!
fogatron x: like for good
iamthe kaai: ? who knows
iamthe kaai: i was in the most fucked up mood
fogatron x: been there, man, been there
iamthe kaai: i'm tired of structure
fogatron x: so wait
iamthe kaai: wait for what
fogatron x: structure impossible to avoid in our society.
iamthe kaai: til i die?
fogatron x: no
fogatron x: no
iamthe kaai: nope
iamthe kaai: not true
fogatron x: structure and happiness go hand in hand in our society
iamthe kaai: not impossible
fogatron x: how so
iamthe kaai: exactly, and i hate what our society is
fogatron x: so do I
iamthe kaai: i don't want to live in america
fogatron x: society is a human structure, you can't escape it
fogatron x: there are different forms
fogatron x: but it never goes away
iamthe kaai: i want to completely alone for about 5 months
fogatron x: you'd be so fucking weird
fogatron x: seriously
fogatron x: ive been completely alone for a week
fogatron x: and i lost all social skills
fogatron x: i had 1 week of pure introspective contemplation and it freaked me out
iamthe kaai: you were probably on the internet
fogatron x: yeah, but only counterstrike
fogatron x: no aim, no myspace
fogatron x: most of it i just laid in my bed
iamthe kaai: i don't want any communication
iamthe kaai: just instruments
iamthe kaai: and books
fogatron x: im down for doing this
iamthe kaai: a book would by my link to relate to someone
iamthe kaai: be*
fogatron x: alright then
fogatron x: so wait are you really dropping out of school?
iamthe kaai: music would be my way to communicate
iamthe kaai: i think i'm just going to quit after this semester
iamthe kaai: school is not for me
iamthe kaai: never has been
fogatron x: wow
fogatron x: im so proud of you
fogatron x: its ridiculous
iamthe kaai: the last 20 years of my life have been full of things i haven't wanted to do
iamthe kaai: so i'm going to take a year off and find out what makes me happy
fogatron x: Ive always thought the same things as what youre telling me now, ive just never had the support to actually go do them
fogatron x: and I think now I do
iamthe kaai: i just need to come up with some sort of plan
fogatron x: so you would want to work in denton and live and not go to school for a year?
fogatron x: we'd have to work
iamthe kaai: i'm dropping all this on my parents next time i go home
fogatron x: damn
iamthe kaai: nope
fogatron x: how would we not work?
iamthe kaai: don't want to live anywhere
fogatron x: explain
iamthe kaai: i want to travel
fogatron x: you need money
iamthe kaai: i know
fogatron x: where would you get this money?
iamthe kaai: i would probably work for about 3 months and then quit and travel for about 5 months
iamthe kaai: and keep doing that until i figure out how to live without a job
iamthe kaai: or maybe i'll figure out why i'm unhappy and then i can settle down and fix my problems
fogatron x: you are not supposed to be happy
fogatron x: thats where you are failing to realize
iamthe kaai: yes i am
fogatron x: "happiness is not a fish you can catch"
iamthe kaai: i want to be happy
fogatron x: you cant be happy
fogatron x: short of filling yourself with xanax every day
iamthe kaai: that may be so, but i'm not giving up on it
fogatron x: well, then
fogatron x: I like your attitude at least
fogatron x: haha
iamthe kaai: i've only lived about 1/5 of the average human
iamthe kaai: i'm not ruling out hapiness
fogatron x: can i be your sidekick on this (for lack of a better word) spiritual awakening?
iamthe kaai: happiness
iamthe kaai: for sure
fogatron x: yessss
iamthe kaai: ....maybe
iamthe kaai: haha
fogatron x: haha
fogatron x: : (
fogatron x: if not I understand
iamthe kaai: it's kind of a personal thing. i really want to go through with this
iamthe kaai: i wish i would have taken a year off between high school and college
iamthe kaai: but that would have been the wrong time to do this
iamthe kaai: i'm at a point where i don't care about anything
iamthe kaai: so anything i lose is fine with me
iamthe kaai: if i am trapped here any longer i'm going to go crazy
fogatron x: : /
iamthe kaai: the reason i liked before sunrise so much
iamthe kaai: it captured exactly how i feel about relationships
iamthe kaai: after that first moment you fall in love it just declines
iamthe kaai: i love the idea of falling madly in love with someone and agreeing to never see each other again.
iamthe kaai: it's perfect
fogatron x: yeah but how often do you find that initial spark?
fogatron x: you'd be alone 99% of your life
iamthe kaai: all the fucking time
fogatron x: all the fucking time?
fogatron x: really?
iamthe kaai: yes
iamthe kaai: after awhile you would see that love is not special
fogatron x: the problem with your logic here is that you will age
iamthe kaai: so
fogatron x: half of love is attraction
iamthe kaai: in the next 5 years i am hoping to learn to be totally independant
fogatron x: hmm
fogatron x: well good luck
fogatron x: thats hard
iamthe kaai: i have nothing to look forward to in my life right now which is why i'm depressed
fogatron x: I feel like im your super ego right now and you are debating something in your head, and im replying back to your thoughts with your arguing thoughts
iamthe kaai: yeah pretty much
fogatron x: I dont know O_O