LOG; no more heart to bruise; VAN + RENÉE
Consolation, their own way. Takes place whenever Lies passed on. akjhf
Van had his moments when he was caught off guard and his defensiveness was seen clearly though he usually tried to stay one step ahead of everyone so he wouldn't be spotted like that. It wasn't that he was an emotional person during these moments. No-- it was possibly the lack of emotion and the confusion that settled around, making him uncomfortable. Van didn't like not being able to think straight.
Now he was hating his confusion even more as he sat on the couch, holding his cell phone in his hand rather tightly. It beeped, signaling its low battery needed to be recharged but Van didn't hear it, the only thing he could hear right now was his father's voice on the other line, telling him his sister was dead.
"I'm back," Renée called, having just gotten to Van's place -- sometimes the word home crossed her mind, but she would feel weird.. calling it that. It wasn't a permanent arrangement, anyway, after the war was done nothing was for certain.
It didn't occur to her that something was wrong just yet, and she was thinking about suggesting maybe having at least a Christmas tree in the home for the upcoming holiday season when. Closing the door behind her and taking off her coat, she spotted Van on the sofa, phone in hand.
Van was only faintly aware someone had walked through the door. It was probably Renée, he didn't look. Though it could have been Adrienne or even Sophie. Sometimes Van still expected Ferdi to come barging into the home, throwing up gang signs.
"Hey." Don't ignore me. She frowned and hung her coat up, and when she turned around he was still quiet.
Quiet was okay, but this kind of quiet wasn't. He wasn't the type to fume silently or be passive aggressive if he were annoyed with her, and a nagging feeling told her that something was wrong.
Most likely something important, at least to Van. So after a moment of thought she sat down by him, waiting to see if he'd say anything.
He snapped back to life when she came beside him and looked at his phone, seeing the red symbol on it and he immediately turned it off.
"My sister died," he said, trying to keep his voice low and casual as he pocketed his cell.
That uncomfortable feeling had returned and Van got up, suddenly not wanting to be seen at the moment.
"What?" She got up when he did, reaching out to hold his arm to make sure he didn't leave... yet.
There was nothing else to say. Nothing Van could think of anyway.
"Lies is dead," he repeated but didn't tug away.
There really was nothing to say. Not even the most eloquent of people could make the emptiness left behind by death subside, and even the most heartfelt of gestures often fell short of their mark.
"...Oh." Her hold on him tightened, though she didn't know if he wanted to be left alone or not.
Usually this was when the 'I'm sorry's began, but there was no point in exchanging trite words at this point in the war, or at this point in their friendship.
"Do you want to be alone?"
Ferdi's death (but it wasn't just that-- it was murder and Van and everyone involved knew it) still had left an impression and now Lies' had just impacted harder. Van almost forgot for a second what he was trying to do in the White Order.
He looked at Renée and opening his mouth to say "Yes" but was held back by an invisible force and shook his head.
"No-- no," he repeated, actually trying to reassure himself.
She offered him a small smile, taking his hand.
"Good. I thought you'd tell me to go away." Which was basically what she had done when Robin had died.
Renée sighed a little and letting go of his arm, pulled him to her, wrapping him in an almost tentative embrace. For all the time they spent together neither was very openly affectionate, and certainly not physically.
"Funny how what we're fighting for always turns around to stab us in the back."
"Life's a bitch, isn't it."
He sort of wanted to pull away when Van gave himself a mental slap. He didn't have to hide himself around Renée, not when they were going to get through this war even if they were the last ones left.
Even if they never said it, both knew they were close friends.
Slowly, he wrapped one arm around her back, leaning against her shoulder. For once he was a little grateful she was taller.
"Yeah.. it'll either make you or break you." She let him lean on her, holding him close -- and she wasn't that much taller than him. Maybe an inch.. or two. Or three."
"But we're not the type to break," Van said quietly and finally pulled away. He felt a bit tired but he knew there were things to be done for Lies' funeral.
He hadn't done anything for Ferdi but he wasn't making the same mistake twice
"Course not," she answered, squeezing his hand. "We're almost there, anyway, right?"
"Just a bit more," Van nodded, unbuttoning the topmost part of his shirt.
Her eyes moved from his fingers unbuttonin a button, back to his face. "We'll be fine."
What she said wasn't just for reassurance for him but for herself, too. The longer the war went on the more she second-guessed the cause.
If he had known, Van wouldn't have blamed her. Although he wouldn't tell her right now, Lies being a part of the White Order was another unforeseen event Van had to keep an eye on.
But now she was dead, probably no thanks to the Black Order and he gripped his fist.
"Don't die," he said. "We can't die,"
"I won't," she asserted calmly. "And you won't, either. This Soldier isn't going down any time soon."
Funny how they always ended up repeating these same words. Maybe they really did need the reassurance after all.
"Good... anyway I have to make some calls and stuff for the family." He said, thinking about where the house phone was.
This was her cue to let him do what he needed to, and she nodded.
"Go ahead. I'll... make dinner." The last time she'd said she'd make dinner, she had just made instant ramen. Another time, she'd given Van milk and cereal. "...For real this time."
It wasn't that she was a bad cook. She just didn't like the idea of cooking for him, or anyone, really, on a regular basis who wasn't her family. It was too domestic and familial.
He didn't think twice about what she said and wandered off upstairs, the familiar sounds of flapping greeting his ears and Cosette appeared on his shoulder. Somewhat in a trance now, he just went looking for the phone and didn't think about how he probably should have ordered food since Renée's meals left him only partially full.
Meanwhile, Renée was already thinking of what takeout to order just in case things didn't go as planned. She knew what types of foods he liked now, at least.
Renée sighed, feeling more burdened somehow by the death of a woman she hadn't even known. It should have only been more incentive to win, and yet the idea of victory wasn't nearly as comforting as it used to be.
They'd sacrificed so much, it was hard to think of something ever making up for what they had endured.
Van had his moments when he was caught off guard and his defensiveness was seen clearly though he usually tried to stay one step ahead of everyone so he wouldn't be spotted like that. It wasn't that he was an emotional person during these moments. No-- it was possibly the lack of emotion and the confusion that settled around, making him uncomfortable. Van didn't like not being able to think straight.
Now he was hating his confusion even more as he sat on the couch, holding his cell phone in his hand rather tightly. It beeped, signaling its low battery needed to be recharged but Van didn't hear it, the only thing he could hear right now was his father's voice on the other line, telling him his sister was dead.
"I'm back," Renée called, having just gotten to Van's place -- sometimes the word home crossed her mind, but she would feel weird.. calling it that. It wasn't a permanent arrangement, anyway, after the war was done nothing was for certain.
It didn't occur to her that something was wrong just yet, and she was thinking about suggesting maybe having at least a Christmas tree in the home for the upcoming holiday season when. Closing the door behind her and taking off her coat, she spotted Van on the sofa, phone in hand.
Van was only faintly aware someone had walked through the door. It was probably Renée, he didn't look. Though it could have been Adrienne or even Sophie. Sometimes Van still expected Ferdi to come barging into the home, throwing up gang signs.
"Hey." Don't ignore me. She frowned and hung her coat up, and when she turned around he was still quiet.
Quiet was okay, but this kind of quiet wasn't. He wasn't the type to fume silently or be passive aggressive if he were annoyed with her, and a nagging feeling told her that something was wrong.
Most likely something important, at least to Van. So after a moment of thought she sat down by him, waiting to see if he'd say anything.
He snapped back to life when she came beside him and looked at his phone, seeing the red symbol on it and he immediately turned it off.
"My sister died," he said, trying to keep his voice low and casual as he pocketed his cell.
That uncomfortable feeling had returned and Van got up, suddenly not wanting to be seen at the moment.
"What?" She got up when he did, reaching out to hold his arm to make sure he didn't leave... yet.
There was nothing else to say. Nothing Van could think of anyway.
"Lies is dead," he repeated but didn't tug away.
There really was nothing to say. Not even the most eloquent of people could make the emptiness left behind by death subside, and even the most heartfelt of gestures often fell short of their mark.
"...Oh." Her hold on him tightened, though she didn't know if he wanted to be left alone or not.
Usually this was when the 'I'm sorry's began, but there was no point in exchanging trite words at this point in the war, or at this point in their friendship.
"Do you want to be alone?"
Ferdi's death (but it wasn't just that-- it was murder and Van and everyone involved knew it) still had left an impression and now Lies' had just impacted harder. Van almost forgot for a second what he was trying to do in the White Order.
He looked at Renée and opening his mouth to say "Yes" but was held back by an invisible force and shook his head.
"No-- no," he repeated, actually trying to reassure himself.
She offered him a small smile, taking his hand.
"Good. I thought you'd tell me to go away." Which was basically what she had done when Robin had died.
Renée sighed a little and letting go of his arm, pulled him to her, wrapping him in an almost tentative embrace. For all the time they spent together neither was very openly affectionate, and certainly not physically.
"Funny how what we're fighting for always turns around to stab us in the back."
"Life's a bitch, isn't it."
He sort of wanted to pull away when Van gave himself a mental slap. He didn't have to hide himself around Renée, not when they were going to get through this war even if they were the last ones left.
Even if they never said it, both knew they were close friends.
Slowly, he wrapped one arm around her back, leaning against her shoulder. For once he was a little grateful she was taller.
"Yeah.. it'll either make you or break you." She let him lean on her, holding him close -- and she wasn't that much taller than him. Maybe an inch.. or two. Or three."
"But we're not the type to break," Van said quietly and finally pulled away. He felt a bit tired but he knew there were things to be done for Lies' funeral.
He hadn't done anything for Ferdi but he wasn't making the same mistake twice
"Course not," she answered, squeezing his hand. "We're almost there, anyway, right?"
"Just a bit more," Van nodded, unbuttoning the topmost part of his shirt.
Her eyes moved from his fingers unbuttonin a button, back to his face. "We'll be fine."
What she said wasn't just for reassurance for him but for herself, too. The longer the war went on the more she second-guessed the cause.
If he had known, Van wouldn't have blamed her. Although he wouldn't tell her right now, Lies being a part of the White Order was another unforeseen event Van had to keep an eye on.
But now she was dead, probably no thanks to the Black Order and he gripped his fist.
"Don't die," he said. "We can't die,"
"I won't," she asserted calmly. "And you won't, either. This Soldier isn't going down any time soon."
Funny how they always ended up repeating these same words. Maybe they really did need the reassurance after all.
"Good... anyway I have to make some calls and stuff for the family." He said, thinking about where the house phone was.
This was her cue to let him do what he needed to, and she nodded.
"Go ahead. I'll... make dinner." The last time she'd said she'd make dinner, she had just made instant ramen. Another time, she'd given Van milk and cereal. "...For real this time."
It wasn't that she was a bad cook. She just didn't like the idea of cooking for him, or anyone, really, on a regular basis who wasn't her family. It was too domestic and familial.
He didn't think twice about what she said and wandered off upstairs, the familiar sounds of flapping greeting his ears and Cosette appeared on his shoulder. Somewhat in a trance now, he just went looking for the phone and didn't think about how he probably should have ordered food since Renée's meals left him only partially full.
Meanwhile, Renée was already thinking of what takeout to order just in case things didn't go as planned. She knew what types of foods he liked now, at least.
Renée sighed, feeling more burdened somehow by the death of a woman she hadn't even known. It should have only been more incentive to win, and yet the idea of victory wasn't nearly as comforting as it used to be.
They'd sacrificed so much, it was hard to think of something ever making up for what they had endured.