Welcome to my life.
Getting caught in a lie shouldn't hurt as much as it did last night. Hell, I didn't even get caught. Not really. I started to tell Sam the truth and he figured it out before I could explain. For some reason I just felt obligated to be honest to him. I guess I figured he deserved honesty. Sam was 'the guy' for me up until he decided to travel Europe
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Stuff. More like Sam. Sam isn't stuff. Sam is a person. A person who left me four years ago. You'd think I'd be over that by now. Any normal girl would be. I mean, sometimes it takes you a while to get over the end of a relationship, but anything over six months is excessive. Unless he's dead, and Sam is very much alive.
If I had any doubts about that before, I can now say that he's fine. Never looked better.
And then there's me.
"I understand."
"Still." I made eye contact with Jake, wanting him to understand that I really do regret ruining the night for him. "I was looking forward to a little bartending."
We could have gotten away with a lot in there, too. If I ever give up on trying to be mature and not sleeping around as much, the first thing on my list is going to have to be to go play with Jake at his bar.
...And to stay on or under the counter as planned. Falling on my ass was pretty humiliating, even for me.
"Not that this isn't just as good." I smiled. "You're not half bad to wake up next to." This may be a little different for me, but I'll be damned if he isn't a good cuddler.
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No. No, no, no. Don't say that. Don't talk like that. I have to keep reminding myself that she doesn't know what's doing when she says things like that, even though she's just joking around. It's not really helping, though.
"Waking up next to you isn't so bad, either." Great, now I'm making it worse for myself. I'm an idiot. But what else am I supposed to say? 'No, don't say that, you make me sad'? Yep, because that's the fastest way to get a girl to change her mind about you.
Who am I kidding. We'd probably drive each other crazy anyway, wouldn't we?
Alright, I don't care if this is the last ride. I'm saying it. Complete with my most charming smile, that always helps to earn points, even with Carly.
"I wouldn't mind doing this again."
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I'm sure he wouldn't. Jake is the kind of guy who could bring a girl home every night of the week and never tire of it. From what I understand, thats pretty much what he does. That's how we relate to each other. He's the manslut, and I'm the slut, and we both have a perfectly good time with a lot of people who don't mean a thing to us.
Its different with him. Before I left for the bar last night, I must have spent about an hour putting myself together. I'd been looking forward to it all day, too. Maybe this is just a sex thing, but I try not to do the sex thing with friends.
Not that there's a great abundance of them, but that isn't the point.
The point is, I could see myself doing this again too. Not just again once, or twice, I could see myself doing this again again. And its only really a problem because I could see myself doing it with someone who is a lot like me when it comes to relationships.
I'd get too involved.
I'm too involved right now. I'm cuddling.
"Oh really?" I played it off by keeping on the smile and rewarding him with a kiss on the lips. Jake deserves it for the complimenting. Actually, he deserves a lot more to brighten up his morning, but I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. I have to leave things like this or it'll just get messy.
The worst thing I could do to myself after what happened last night, is lose a friend by being too clingy.
"You just like it because I make pancakes."
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Among other things.
I grinned again and kissed her on the lips after she pulled away. I probably should have left that at one, but it couldn't hurt too much to steal another, right? I might as well indulge myself while I have the opporunity to.
"I'll admit, they're a major perk," I told her, smirking. "But they're not the only reason." We're getting dangerously close to the real truth here. I'm starting to wonder if it would really be so bad for the truth to come out.
Part of me really wants to just say it. If it were any other girl, I probably could. There wouldn't be so much risk. Carly, on the other hand, is my friend. A friend who, in a lot of ways, is a lot like me. She and I handle relationships the same way -- not well. Really being honest would probably just mess things up. Considering how close she is to my sister, that wouldn't be the best idea -- not to mention I'd be losing a friend.
I shouldn't keep dragging this out.
"We should probably get up soon, huh?"
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I like that answer. Granted, the other reasons are probably all sexual too, its just nice to know that he enjoys something besides the pancakes. The pancakes are meant to be a bonus, but considering all the girls that Jake brings back here, they're probably one of the few standout things about this, aside from me being Alex's roommate. As far as I know, he hasn't slept with a friend of Alex before.
"Good." I shook my head at my own ability to measure my worth by my cooking. "Because I don't make them for just anyone."
I make them for Alex, and Jake when he's around. And there was a time when I made them for other people, but it didn't happen very often. Not many people appreciate cooking, and I honestly don't feel like going out of my way for guys I don't know. I have to either be involved, or be friends with them, for there to be free pancakes.
"We should probably get up soon, huh?"
Oh look, he's kicking me out. I can't say I'm surprised. I got him out of bed at five in morning when he spent the night with me. Although I planned to give him anouther hour of sleep with that, so maybe it wasn't too bad. I was afraid of Alex seeing something that would upset her.
Specifically? Us.
"I thought you were exhausted?" I teased. "But you're right. We probably should."
And you can initiate it, hot stuff.
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I grinned at her again, even though any movement I was making towards getting up was very reluctant. I would have been happy to stay on the couch if it wouldn't be so bad in the long run, but on top of that, I'm expecting company. Company who I don't think wants to see me naked, and if she does? I think I'll have to send her back to therapy, and I don't have that kind of money right now, thank you very much.
So, away with the naked.
"I am," I started, reaching for my jeans and pulling them on. I could shower later, my sister was probably going to show up any minute now. "But for a few minutes I kinda forgot that I told Alex she could come by this morning--"
And there she is, knocking.
"Jake! You've got forty-five seconds before I come in, get some clothes on!"
"I think I might hate her for being punctual," I went on, grabbing a teeshirt off the top of a clean basket of laundry. "Anyway... don't want her to see you naked, do you?"
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Shit.
"Jake! You've got forty-five seconds before I come in, get some clothes on!"
Forty-five seconds? That's not very much time at all. I can't put clothes on and be presentable in forty-five seconds. Maybe if I had an extra fifteen to thirty I could pull it off, but that's not enough time. No way. I'll still look like I spent the night having sex with Jake when the forty-five seconds are up, and Alex will kill me.
Not that I won't deserve it, but I wasn't expecting this today. I'm better with death when I'm anticipating it. After all, vampire slayer.
"You could have told me about that."
I started collecting my clothes, finding them in any which place and direction, wrinkled in ways I didn't think fabric could get after only a few hours on the floor. Did I sleep on them or something? I don't think I did. I would have felt that, and it wouldn't explain how they ended up on the floor anyway, but damn.
"I think I might hate her for being punctual."
"She did warn you." I laughed, grabbing a shirt out of the laundry basket, just in case my clothes end up being too wrinkled to walk out of here in. I'm going to make a run for the bathroom and put myself together in there, but its a lost cause now. I've spent the past two nights with Jake, and Alex is going to realize that he's pancake man the second she sees me here.
"Borrowing."
Alex probably already knows about this. Who else would I go to all the trouble of cooking for? I guess that was kinda a dead giveaway, but I felt like cooking breakfast for him. There was nothing wrong with that; its the sex part of it that could be a problem.
If she gets overly mad I could try to put something together here, but I don't think I want to know what Jake keeps in his fridge. I might find something living in it that I'd have to slay. Ew. And if it takes more than cooking, there's always begging for forgiveness and swearing we'll never do it again. He has to be sick of me now, anyway.
"Anyway... don't want her to see you naked, do you?"
"We live together, Jake. She already has." I laughed, starting for the bathroom.
Is it bad that they've both seen me naked? That sounds like its something awful.
"I'm going to hide in here until I can make myself look like I had a little less fun last night. I'll be out in a few." I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind me.
We're so busted, damnit.
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Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't go to see my brother just because I felt a little under the weather, but honestly, since when have my circumstances ever been normal? It's more than just some cold or flu, I know that much. Truthfully, I feel really awful, but there's something more to it. I feel... off. Mentally. Spiritually? Is that the right word?
All I know is that something isn't right, and my brother is the only person I know who might be able to do something. If not... well. A trip to visit my ex-employer might be in order. He's the one who helped figure out what was wrong with me in the first place, I'm sure he'd have something to say about this.
"Hey, put some pants on." I opened the door and let myself in, having allowed him an extra five seconds to get decent. Luckily, it looked like he didn't need my warning. Yay for my brother having the common courtesy to wear clothes when I come over.
"Done. You look awful."
"And you saying that makes me feel that much better." Letting the door shut behind me, I flopped down onto the couch, watching Jake as he winced a little. What, do I look that bad?
"I think I might just be a little overdue for some black magic. I feel... weird."
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This is so bad. I can't believe this. Until this morning the big risk was having sex with Jake in our apartment. I thought coming back here was safer. Alex usually wakes up, waits for me to cook, and doesn't even think to see Jake until sometime in the afternoon at the earliest. That is, when she feels like seeing him at all. So why, of all days, did she decide to drop by in the morning today?
His apartment was the the safety zone. What the hell happened to our safety zone?
...If for some reason we ever decided to do this again--a very long time from now--I think I'd want to get a room. This is a three way we're dealing with now. As in, a three way invasion of privacy, and none of us are going to get out of it without being embarrassed. Not the other kind of three way. Never the other kind. Oh god. I hate me in the morning.
I washed my face, stole some toothpaste and mouthwash out of the medicine cabinent, and thought about a shower. I could do it, but I really shouldn't prolong this. I just need to go out there and face the music. If she flips out, we'll handle it. Nicely. Honestly. And with the mention of cuddling if she tries to call me a floosy or something.
I wouldn't put her past it if she was upset enough.
By the time I'd smoothed over my hair and applied lipgloss, I looked...not as good as I would have wanted to. By my average morning standards I look fine, maybe even a little better than usual. Its the 'better than usual' part that's the problem. I look guilty too, and she's going to pick up on that immediately because its Alex out there and she does that.
I inhaled and exhaled, giving myself one free second of calmness before I opened the door and walked out.
...Somehow, I don't think she was expecting me. At all.
"You should give Jake a little more than forty five seconds. It takes the average girl at least eighty."
He let her sit on the couch? That's screwed up. A lot. Jake should have told her to sit somewhere else. The bed is actually safer--no, thats just contaminated by strangers. Maybe there's no safe place for Alex in this apartment anymore.
That would be sad if I didn't feel like I played a part in it and enjoyed it.
"Are you okay?" She looks a little under the weather. Like she's getting sick or something.
Oh shit, are we making her physically ill? I would not have done this if I thought she'd take it that bad.
Well, maybe I would have, I just wouldn't have gotten caught.
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What?
Wait, what?
Okay, this is new. I can't really say it's unexpected, I've known for a long time that Jake's hot for Carly. Actually, I've known for a long time that it's a little more than just 'hot.' He's totally got fuzzy feelings for her. Of course, him being a manwhore and her being a girlwhore, I didn't think it would ever really happen. I mean, how can that work out? And mind you, I use those terms in the most affectionate way possible.
I guess they decided to do the one-night-stand thing. I'm surprisingly okay with it. It's my brother and my best friend, for some reason I always thought I would be pissed if they ever slept together, but I'm not. Really not. I'm fine.
Huh.
Well, as long as Jake doesn't end up expecting too much and getting seriously hurt, I think I can continue to be good with it.
"Well, I didn't think that there would be someone else here, since I thought he was planning on me showing up."
"Uh, yeah... sorry about that."
Uh-huh. Sure you are!
"Are you okay?"
"With... this?" I asked, looking at the two of them. Oh, man, they totally just got up. Jake's hair is still all messy and you can tell Carly just threw clothes on. I know the look. "Yeah, I'm fine with it-- oh. You mean, like, do I feel okay?" I shook my head. "Honestly, no. Can't really put my finger on it, but I feel like there's been some interference with the monthly mojo. Thought Jake should take a look at it."
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"Uh, yeah... sorry about that."
"Well." I shot Jake a look of mock disapproval. "We had plans last night and he didn't tell me you were going to pay him a visit until you were already knocking on the door."
Bad Jake. He was forgetful and overbooked us. This would be a bigger problem if Alex wasn't his sister and I wasn't his friend, and if we weren't roommates who already have an endless amount of love for each other.
Or had, but she doesn't seem to be judging me for what we had going on here.
"I wouldn't have overslept if I knew, I'm sorry." I sat down close beside her, not fearing the couch since its corruption was partly my doing. Its not like you stop sleeping in your bed after you have sex in it, couches are the same way. I can sit on the couch. Jake can sit on the couch if he wants to, its his couch. Alex shouldn't sit on the couch, but she doesn't know that is better off not being told anything about it. She has no clue how difficult it was for me to tame myself enough to make it through his door, of course she assumes that we had sex on the bed.
Its funny how you can live with someone, and really know them, and still not know as much as you think you do.
"I didn't feel like getting up."
All the sex happened a few hours ago. I needed to put some clothes on before I could see her, but Alex really wasn't interrupting anything. Just me being clingy, which could be considered something of a mistake on my part. I should never have done that in the first place. Jake went along with it to be nice, I guess he knows its not part of my usual routine. I wanted to give him more of me than the rest of them get, but it ended up working against me. There's a reason why girls like me don't cuddle in the morning. We don't want to get attached.
If I'm honest with myself I think its safe to admit that I was attached to Jake before we had sex the other night, but this is the other, sorta scary way to have an attachment now. I think I feel something different towards him now. Something that I shouldn't. I'll have to shake it off with another guy as soon as I get the---I promised myself that I would slow down, didn't I? Damn. No guy shaking. I'll do it a different way.
Maybe I'll buy a lot of ice cream. Alex and I could stop by Cold Stone on the way home. I slept with her brother, she deserves free ice cream.
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Crap. Were we supposed to give her a say in this? We kinda already...yeah. A lot. I don't think she knows what I meant when I asked her how she was. We're at the point where she either has to be okay with this or start screaming.
"No, I--"
"Yeah, I'm fine with it-- oh. You mean, like, do I feel okay?"
Alex is fine with it? I practically ditched her over the past two days to have sex with her brother and she's fine with it? She should not be fine with it! I did something wrong. I conquered--okay, that sounds weird. I seduced her brother, in his place of work, in front of my ex. Then I said I was in a relationship with him and made him look like a liar in front of my ex and his sister because I decided my life couldn't get any worse by telling the truth. After that, I still opted to go back to his apartment instead of going home to hang out with her.
I suck. And she's fine with it.
I wonder if she knows how much better she could do in the roommate department.
"Yeah. You look like you could be doing better." I gave her a small smile. "Still pretty, just less healthy about it."
"Honestly, no. Can't really put my finger on it, but I feel like there's been some interference with the monthly mojo. Thought Jake should take a look at it."
I know my smile faded when she started talking about being sick, but I couldn't help it. Interference was mentioned.
That's bad. How bad I don't know, but its not good. Jake and Alex are always extremely careful about keeping that part of their lives in check. Everything has to go smoothly with it, or Alex could be in serious trouble. She did the right thing by coming here if something feels a little off.
However it does make me feel twice as guilty that I wasn't home with her last night.
"He'll take care of it." I nodded. "If you want, I can get out of here and see you when you get home. Jake has to be sick of me by now anyway, the two of you probably should probably try to figure this out as soon as possible."
I'd offer to help if I thought I could, but I don't think I would be doing them any favors by sticking around. I don't have very much knowledge about Alex's demon side. I just know what she told me, and that Jake keeps it magically together. She's really lucky to have him. Not just for that, for a lot of other reasons too, but its part of the package.
...I'm not going to be able to use the word "package" in reference to Jake for a couple of weeks. Its...yeah.
My bad.
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