He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.
Date: Friday, March 28, 2002
Time: After moonrise
Location: Spinner's End
Characters Involved: Draco Malfoy & June Connors
Rating: PG
( Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. )
Time: After moonrise
Location: Spinner's End
Characters Involved: Draco Malfoy & June Connors
Rating: PG
( Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. )
Now, though, he was back at Spinner's End, he really needed to make sure he stopped the cycle before it got bizarre again, and he was waiting for the Full. He'd been irritable, and the thought that some of it could have been the infection only served to make him more so. Of course, had he stopped to think about it, he'd realize that at least part of the irritation could be that he was, in fact, bedridden, and was awake and aware. Mostly.
June had spent a fair amount of time with him, then had left, allowing him to doze slightly, fitful half-dreams filled with Greyback and pain. He'd woken by something, he'd thought it was howling, and he looked at his bare hand, knowing, that had Greyback wanted to, had he planned it better, Draco would be bearing white-blond fur tonight.
He wasn't sure what he'd expected of himself. No inexplicable desire for red meat, no fur, no heightened smell, nothing wolfy as they termed it. Though he'd tried to stand with his father's cane that morning and it had hurt. Turning his palm up, he remembered how much it had stung and itched. No, he wasn't a wolf, but he hadn't told them what he had become.
Oh, there was no doubt in his mind. Cruel trick of fate that. He'd picked the damn thing up several times, handle, shaft. He knew what had made his hand hurt, and it wasn't the weight he'd placed on it. It was the silver snake that adorned the head of the cane.
He heard the door open, then claws. His heart stopped for half a second, then he smiled, even if his memory of the overly large puppy dog was two years old, he remembered how friendly she'd been then. Playful too, but Remus hadn't wanted that. But in the dark, he couldn't tell who else was there. He grabbed his wand.
"Lumos." Dim light filled the bed, and far enough to see only one wolf form.
"You can come closer, I don't mind." Though everything in his voice pleaded for her to come closer, for her to come and not leave him alone tonight.
The form held no horror for him. He understood, of course, that without the wolfsbane, he'd be dead already, but having faced death once this week, he was a bit more prepared to face its distant cousin. And though it was Greyback who had hurt him. It wasn't a werewolf proper, and he'd hurt June too. June, who was blind in this form because her magical eyes wouldn't work, who was full of life and joy and resilience.
Maybe he could learn something from a Gryffindor.
Maybe.
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She still had trouble discerning human speech in this form, but the tone of his voice said enough. Her ears perked up and she glided to the bedside, her head and shoulders easily clearing the edge of it. He still didn't smell of fear, not at all, so she took a chance: she leaned forward and gently butted her head against his arm.
I'm here.
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The word-thought froze his mind and he shook it away. No, even June wouldn't be adverse to the comment in this form. And despite the fact there were no eyes to recognize her by, her behaviour was enough. He knew it to be enough.
Carefully, he lifted his arm and stroked her fur, fascinated with the softness of it. Amazing that she could make her curse look good.
"You're so soft," he commented. "And beautiful. I know you may not think so, but you are." That he had ever thought her human form this beautiful wasn't a question, wasn't in consideration. All he cared about was the here and now and because she was here he wasn't alone.
"Stay?" He patted the bed next to him.
Despite the wolf form, despite everything, he just needed someone there, and somehow, as this, she didn't irritate him. Somehow, having her wolf form here brought comfort.
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Thank Merlin and Severus and whatever-his-name-was-that-
created-the-potion-in-the-first-place for Wolfsbane!
She heard the sound of his hand on the coverlet and wondered if she were interpreting it right. It seemed as though he wanted her to join him on the bed, but if she were wrong and jumped up there with no warning, she was liable to give the poor boy a heart attack!
It was a large bed, as she remembered, so with a questioning whine she moved away from him, down to the foot. There, she hopped her front paws up onto the mattress and paused a moment. No sudden surge of fear or cry of alarm came, so she finished the motion, the mattress sagging a bit under her weight. She circled 'round where she could sense him lying, and cautiously lay down beside him, curling her tail over her hind feet.
Sniffing, she reached out again until her cold, damp, wolfy nose touched his hand.
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As she move towards him, he marveled at how she seemed to know exactly where he was despite her blindness. Then she nuzzled his hand.
He chuckled. "Thank you." He stroked her fur, closing his eyes.
He marveled at her strength, her resilience. Despite her curse, despite the double curse of her blindness, she was there, holding him together, keeping him from going out of his mind.
"Can't wait til I can walk again. Really." Could she even understand him? Or was he talking to hear himself talk? Not that that would be any great surprise.
Still, this difference, this one change, was important. That he was here, at Spinner's End, convalescing, was the same, but now, it was different. Now, he'd changed something.
HOlding to her fur more tightly, unconsciously, he tried to push away the fear he'd felt rising at the memories.
"It's not you. You...you're helping," he said, trying to speak very clearly for her benefit.
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Interesting.
Not that it particularly mattered. What mattered was that what he was reluctant to accept from her as a human, she could offer as a wolf. Physical comfort. A hug. A soft, furry hug. Right. Friend and stuffed animal all in one.
She could sense the rising fear in him, but she knew it wasn't because of her. Simple enough: if it had been, he would hardly have been pulling her closer, now would he? She responded instinctively, shifting over, trying to be cautious of his still-healing wounds as she settled her solid form snugly against his side. Half curled around him as if he were a sort of overgrown pup himself. The wolf grumbled a bit, but June silenced it.
This wasn't prey, this was family; and family took care of one another.
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He would have looked into her eyes for forgiveness, but instead, he just had his good arm wrapped half around her, snuggling into the warmth.
"How is it you make problems seem so light? So much easier?"
He thought about how she always had a ready comeback, even if not the most witty. How she always seemed to bring out the most human part of him, despite the fact that many thought her less than human.
They thought him that too. He chuckled.
"You know, I should have asked, but Remus didn't care that you came up here, right?" Somehow the twisted idea of her Alpha finding them here and deciding it was compromising her was more than he could stand and he began chuckling more.
"Not that your virtue is compromised." No, if anyone was compromised in this situation it was the one who wasn't fully werewolf. Wasn't much of one at all. Just the bloody allergy. He'd have a few words to say to Severus and Ginevra when they'd calmed from the Full.
Calling her that, even in his mind was satisfying, imagining her face turning purple and her hands balled up as she wanted to hit him.
Still, a slight shift from the wolf beside him brought tonight back to the fore. He'd never spent the night with a girl before. Oh, he'd had sex, but sharing a bed, and sleeping? Yeah, no. But this was June. And more, this was June as werewolf.
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Very little of what he was saying made sense, which was a little frustrating. But she could make out enough, combined with the feel of his breath and his laughter, to work out what he was thinking. She couldn't laugh with him, but she gave an amused snort. Remus knew perfectly well where she was; they'd all seen her come up here. Admittedly, the pack alpha had once been skittish about their friends getting too used to physical contact with their wolf forms, but things had changed. Draco knew full well how dangerous an unfettered werewolf was. And although they trusted the Wolfsbane, they also took every precaution each month in case it should fail.
As for her 'virtue', it wasn't as though she was going to stay here long enough for that to be a problem. The transformation back would find her securely closed in her room as always.
For her part, June had spent the night with others before, though not in a very long time, and not in her wolf form. But she didn't tend to sleep very much during full moon nights anyway, not when the wolf - even suppressed - wanted so badly to be out and running free. So she might as well be not-sleeping up here where he could use her as a pillow.
Truth be told, it felt nice to have him curled up against her. Different from holding someone as a human, far different, but still somehow soothing. She sighed heavily, her tail giving a flick and settling against his leg.
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"Thank you, June," he spoke clearly, feeling her heartbeat against him. "I didn't want to be alone."
An admission of weakness. Part of him recognized that fact. More of him realized he didn't care. June wouldn't hold it against him. She'd hold him close and it wouldn't be awkward in the morning. June was...June.
He really needed to stop avoidign her. He needed to just enjoy the friendship. June cared about Draco. Not about the heir, not about the money. Just Draco.
It felt amazing to be here, resting with someone who didn't have any expectations aside from him being himself. Someone who encouraged the strength he felt.
As she flicked her tail onto him, he smiled and stroked her tail. "Thank you."
He began to doze, breathing deeply, evenly. "So...sweet.." he murmured.
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The hours drifted past. Keeping still wasn't as difficult as June had anticipated; her inner demon felt quiet and oddly content, and though it was still too alert to sleep through the night, she even managed to doze off now and again.
All too soon, though, she felt the tug of approaching moonset. Her charge was still soundly asleep, and she was reluctant to wake him, but obviously she had no choice. If she dallied and ended up transforming here, her uncontrolled thrashing about would certainly wake him, would undoubtedly hurt him, and could potentially even do what Greyback had failed to accomplish - so close to him, if she moved in the wrong way, she could accidentally infect him for real.
Aside from all that, she had no intention of ever transforming in front of any but the others of her pack. It was something she never ever wanted anyone to witness. Especially a friend.
As carefully as she could, she began to ease herself out of his arms, knowing there was little chance she could avoid waking him but doing her best nonetheless. Freeing herself from his arms, she made her way to the opposite side of the bed and leapt soundlessly to the floor. Pausing there, she tilted her head, trying to tell how badly he was disturbed.
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He shifted and moaned, then felt towards where the warm sheets were empty next to him. Wait. Empty sheets? Why would this be different?
Consciousness slowly returned and he remembered June there. He'd fallen asleep. He'd fallen asleep with June there.
"Stay?"
He wanted to thank her. He wanted to not go back to being Draco Malfoy. He just wanted to be some other Draco with a trusted friend, with someone who he knew wouldn't judge him.
He heard a whine, which he knew meant no, despite not speaking 'wolf'. Slumping back on the bed he nodded, completely forgetting for the moment that she couldn't see it.
"I'll come to you after," he commented, staring at the ceiling.
He'd fallen asleep next to a girl. Well, next to June.
June is a girl, stupid.
Well, yes she was, but in this form she was a wolf. It wasn't the same. It couldn't be.
He stared at the ceiling harder, trying to force all other thoughts from his mind.
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She couldn't stay, of course. There was no question of staying. But somehow that didn't stop her feeling bad. She gave her head a shake, with a whined apology she hoped he could interpret. Well, she could apologize later, when she could speak. Even if he seemed like a 'pup', he was an adult, and he'd have to understand.
Turning silently, she started toward the door, then paused. He'd said something. Come..? After? No, wait. There was no way he was planning to try and make it down to her room later. He could barely make it down the hall to the loo! To try to get down the stairs - no, she'd misunderstood him. Because if she was correctly interpreting what she'd heard, she would have had to find a way, even as a wolf, to lecture him senseless. So of course that wasn't what he'd meant.
Perhaps he was asking her to come and see him after she'd recovered. She could do that. Of course she could.
A sudden tremor shuddered through her, threatening to buckle her knees. Too close - it was too close. Without further hesitation, she slipped out of the room and back downstairs to her bedroom.
Nudging the door closed behind her, she huddled in on herself in the center of the floor and waited, safe behind walls and silencing charms, until the change came.
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