Life and money
I've began to realize that in my life abundance in money and happiness has always happened at opposite times. It seems whenever I begin to be financially stable, gaining savings and feeling good about my finanial security....I always am in a situation that makes me miserable that has nothing to do with my money making. However, my choices to get out of my misery always leads me away from the job I have that makes me all the money. And then I end up happy...but almost unable to embellish my life with what the happiness produces because of my lack of money. It's this vicious, obnoxious cycle that I am so tired of. Mostly I am just tired of not having money and everyone treating me like I'm a burden because of that.
Everyone is makig such a huge deal about me askig for a ride to the airport tomorrow like it's such an inconvenience. I wouldn't have to think about it for a second if a close friend or relative asked me for a ride. I'd do it happily because I'm a friend and I give without expecting something in return. Their gratitude and friendship is enough for me. Maybe I'm just different then everyone else in that way...but everyone seems to think my simple requests are selfish. And to me it is selfish and rude of them to agree to doing something and then treating me like I'm forcing them to do something they don't want to do. I understand they're entitled to their feelings, but it hurts me and makes me feel truly shitty. Like I'm worthless to them or something...or like loving them and always being there for them is not enough. It's hard because I feel like it's tied to the money issue. If I had more money I wouldn't need to ask for help. But....shouldn't I be able to ask for help every once in a while without being made to feel guilty about it???
I don't know. People endlessly disappoint me. But then I doubt myself at the same time. Am I really beig too selfish? I just don't know anymore. :-(
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