THOUGHT PROCESS
No News is Good News. I've heard this addage so much but I don't know if I actually believe it. I think I would rather know the bad news or any news at all, rather than dreading about what could be. But sometimes its better off not knowing. I don't know, just some ramblings.
Things are going good kinda. I'm at a point where I'm wondering "What the hell am I doing?" I mean I'm at a fairly dead end job that I don't really enjoy, I haven't done anything creative in awhile, and also I'm kinda in limbo with my relationship. Don't get me wrong I'm enjoying where I'm at a lot. Lets look on the bright side I have a boyfriend who loves me, I have a stable income and I can pay all my bills, and I'm healthy and I have friends who love me. Although I don't get to see my friends as much as I would like to. And I'm not sure if Graham and I are ever going to get married. But I'm still happy.
On my way home tonight during 405 rush hour. I was thinking about my youth. And about Grahams youth( at least the stories he's shared with me) and he was always popular in his group, I've seen him in action, he can make a friend out of any one and quickly. He's just been that loud guy who everyone knows, and for the most part like. While I, it seems, try to hide in the sidelines. And for some of you who might read this will think that can't be Sigga, even when I'm acting crazy its usually when I'm around a group of people I already know. Its this fear thing. I don't know I used to be able to make friends at the drop of a hat, but lately I don't seem to conect with people. Or maybe I'm not trying. Its hard to say. I've lost so many good friends because I was to focused on other things, trying to fit in, to be liked, to be great at something. And all I feel is hollow for trying all that and that I've spread myself way to thin and so I'm just mediocre at what I try to do.
In many ways I've surrounded myself lately with people that I respect and look up to. Because I see something in them that I want for myself and by keeping them close maybe I can learn that special something from them. Or figure out how they just shine, and try to figure out how that would work for me. Cause sometimes I fell just a little dull and boring and that if for some reason I was gone it wouldn't really make a difference. But thats just my insecurities sprouting their little ugly heads. Really I don't feel like this a lot just some times when I'm left for too long with myself. I tend to overanalize.
I have a lot of good things going for me. And I like where I'm headed for the most part and one of these days I'm going to learn how to shine and realize it.
Things are going good kinda. I'm at a point where I'm wondering "What the hell am I doing?" I mean I'm at a fairly dead end job that I don't really enjoy, I haven't done anything creative in awhile, and also I'm kinda in limbo with my relationship. Don't get me wrong I'm enjoying where I'm at a lot. Lets look on the bright side I have a boyfriend who loves me, I have a stable income and I can pay all my bills, and I'm healthy and I have friends who love me. Although I don't get to see my friends as much as I would like to. And I'm not sure if Graham and I are ever going to get married. But I'm still happy.
On my way home tonight during 405 rush hour. I was thinking about my youth. And about Grahams youth( at least the stories he's shared with me) and he was always popular in his group, I've seen him in action, he can make a friend out of any one and quickly. He's just been that loud guy who everyone knows, and for the most part like. While I, it seems, try to hide in the sidelines. And for some of you who might read this will think that can't be Sigga, even when I'm acting crazy its usually when I'm around a group of people I already know. Its this fear thing. I don't know I used to be able to make friends at the drop of a hat, but lately I don't seem to conect with people. Or maybe I'm not trying. Its hard to say. I've lost so many good friends because I was to focused on other things, trying to fit in, to be liked, to be great at something. And all I feel is hollow for trying all that and that I've spread myself way to thin and so I'm just mediocre at what I try to do.
In many ways I've surrounded myself lately with people that I respect and look up to. Because I see something in them that I want for myself and by keeping them close maybe I can learn that special something from them. Or figure out how they just shine, and try to figure out how that would work for me. Cause sometimes I fell just a little dull and boring and that if for some reason I was gone it wouldn't really make a difference. But thats just my insecurities sprouting their little ugly heads. Really I don't feel like this a lot just some times when I'm left for too long with myself. I tend to overanalize.
I have a lot of good things going for me. And I like where I'm headed for the most part and one of these days I'm going to learn how to shine and realize it.