You're compassionate, kind, and seem to genuinely want to take care of other people.
But oftentimes I feel like you don't take care of yourself and you do things for the wrong reason by doing what other people want and not what will make you happy.
Stick up for yourself, fight your battles, don't give in and wait for silver linings on clouds you won't get them from.
And as an addendum, I sometimes feel like I can't be completely honest with you because you have such high expectations for other people that you will be disappointed if you hear the whole truth.
You're right. On the doing things for the wrong reasons. I'm a self-effacer, it's something I'm working on. Can I ask for examples on doing things for the wrong reasons? I know there are examples in my past, I'm just curious which ones you, as a reader of my journal, are thinking of:P
On the addendum, I'm sorry you feel that way, and I suspect you're not the only one of my LJ friends who feel this way, and God, I wish you all didn't, but I know who and what I am, and I know what I've done to make you feel like this. I'm sorry.
I can't come up with examples off the top of my head sans one, which would reveal easily who I am and therefore makes it a bit foolish to post anonymously (and for this first half of the comment, the anonymity doesn't bother me, it's part two.) I've noticed it more than that once (it is only the one that comes most readily to mind) and it sometimes makes me fear that you don't know how to care for yourself in a way, because you seem so reluctant to put your priorities first. Selflessness is a wonderful quality provided it doesn't begin to erode your own self-preservation
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Oh, I'm totally judgemental;) No, I'm sorry. I'm judgemental about one thing; drugs. And I'm trying SO SO SO HARD to stop because it's none of my business what my friends do with their own bodies. And I'm getting better. Anything else, I'd like to believe that I'm a pretty good friend. But you know, your perception is your perception, and if there's something I can do to change it, do let me know?
And I'm very thankful that you worry about my self-preservation. I sometimes worry about my self-preservation. I've taken steps in the right direction, I think. But seriously, thank you.
There have been other instances, too. I remember a time in which you were discussing pornography and using that for masturbatory purposes and even though your issue was more personal than "dirty pictures are dirty", there was a tone that suggested that dirty pictures for anyone were dirty and that you blanketedly did not approve. Maybe that is perception. I think part of it is, as I said again, that you have high standards for people and it's frightening to possibly not reach that bar. I can see why, for others, it could manifest as trust issues; for me, it manifests more as just being afraid of you no longer approving of me or looking down on me. It's an impression you give and I don't know how you should change it or if there is a way to change it, but you wanted to be made aware of it, so here it is.
You're welcome. I'm glad you're taking steps in that direction. The first step is knowing your own weaknesses, or so I like to think about myself, anyway.
There's a scene in an ep of The West Wing, where Toby goes to tell the President that his ex-wife is pregnant and Toby's the father. The President asks Toby why he hasn't told him sooner, and Toby replies that he's intimidated by the President's Catholisism. The President says: "Toby, my Catholisism works for me."
It's kinda that way for me with Evangelicalism (I'm pretty sure that's not a genuine "ism", but anyway.) too. I adhere to a religious code which is, I guess, pretty strict, but I don't expect the rest of you to follow it. IDK.
I like that comparison, actually. Because like Toby, I find it intimidating, especially since you are a good deal like Bartlett: respected, strong in your beliefs, and a person whose respect others would like to have. It's not a bad quality in you, but in a sense, it makes you as unapproachble as Toby finds Jed in that episode.
Huh, I'm not sure if I like the fact I am once again comparing myself to Toby.
But oftentimes I feel like you don't take care of yourself and you do things for the wrong reason by doing what other people want and not what will make you happy.
Stick up for yourself, fight your battles, don't give in and wait for silver linings on clouds you won't get them from.
And as an addendum, I sometimes feel like I can't be completely honest with you because you have such high expectations for other people that you will be disappointed if you hear the whole truth.
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On the addendum, I'm sorry you feel that way, and I suspect you're not the only one of my LJ friends who feel this way, and God, I wish you all didn't, but I know who and what I am, and I know what I've done to make you feel like this. I'm sorry.
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And I'm very thankful that you worry about my self-preservation. I sometimes worry about my self-preservation. I've taken steps in the right direction, I think. But seriously, thank you.
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You're welcome. I'm glad you're taking steps in that direction. The first step is knowing your own weaknesses, or so I like to think about myself, anyway.
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It's kinda that way for me with Evangelicalism (I'm pretty sure that's not a genuine "ism", but anyway.) too. I adhere to a religious code which is, I guess, pretty strict, but I don't expect the rest of you to follow it. IDK.
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Huh, I'm not sure if I like the fact I am once again comparing myself to Toby.
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